The turn of the year is coming up.

Every year this time, my Church does this thing they call “Dream Sunday” which happens to be today.

I take the chance around this time to reevaluate my goals in life and ask what I still want to do.

I tend to make two lists. One for the year, and one for my lifetime.

I’ve had getting married and having kids on the lifetime one for years and years–God are you there?

(Just kidding. I know everything has to happen in its time. It just gets hard to wait.)

For other life times goals, becoming a paid professional writer has been on the list since I was a teenager. (Hey, help me with that one and like this post guys.)

But because I know that it takes time to acheive some things, I also make short term dreams.

I don’t like to use the word “goals” or “resolutions” when I do this. Not because there’s anything wrong with those words, per sec, but because I know myself too well. If I treat it like it’s a demand, I won’t want to do it.

A dream is something I can try to do, but if life doesn’t work out that way, I can always find a new dream, just like Tangled told us. (That’s not my favorite Disney movie, but it is probably on my top 10.)

I’m not too disappointed when I don’t meet those goals. And I’ve also learned what dreams are reasonable over the years. When I asking myself a number, like “get 200 followers” then it won’t happen. I can’t control other people.

But if it’s a goal like “get a new car”, or “read 30 books”, something that either isn’t a set number to it one that I can be flexible with, and that I can control, I can usually do it. Even go above and beyond it.

As I mentioned in a different post, I just got the new car. I can’t even remember if I put that on the list last year, or if I just decided I needed it now.

I do know though, that owning a blue Toyota has been on one of my lists, though if it was the dream one or the bucket one, I can’t say, for a long time.

What? I just like what I like guys.

And that’s basically happened. I mean, it’s kinda blue-green, but hey that’s my favorite shade of blue. Light turquoise to aquamarine. I’m a beach girl.

I also just got my wisdom teeth out, yesterday, and while I wouldn’t call that a dream, I’ve had jaw problems for a couple years and I’ve hoped doing this will help a bit, so in a way it’s a dream. Also I was able to get it done quickly and around my work schedule, that was a blessing.

Also, it was way easier than I expected. I barely had any reaction to the anesthesia, and I’m able to chew already the next day (soft foods of course, but still). I apparently am lucky, my mom and sister said they could barely open their mouth for days.

Also I had a best case scenario pretty much, so while I wasn’t jazzed about getting surgery for the first time, I was blessed that it wasn’t a bad experience. (Is it weird if I prefer it to a regular dentist appointment? I hate drills.)

I hope if you have to get yours out, that encourages you.

Anyway, not everything was planned, but they were things I wanted.

And things that were planned, like finishing more stories, and getting a better job, I got and then some. Like last year, I put a better job on the list, and I got a much better and longer one than I expected.

It might not be everyone’s dream job, but it was perfect for me, at this stage of my life. Helped pay for the car, after all.

(Btw, I sold my old car to my sister, though I got it for free, and people are judging me for it. She wanted it that way. I offered to give it to her and she didn’t like the idea of accepting it that way, so I said I’d just sell it to her instead. She wanted to feel more independent, and I 100% respect that.)

Just because I got it for free doesn’t mean I really wanted it that way. I just could never have afforded it when it was given to me, I plan to pay for my own cars going forward if I possibly can. I’m not above getting help, though. I’d do the same for anyone else, I figure, so it’s no big deal to accept it. And I mean that, my family shares bills a lot.

I’ve been able to go out with friends a lot this year. And I think making more friends was one of the things on my list, too. (I haven’t found it yet, but that sounds like something I’d put on it.)

Also, I’ve planned my first get away trip without my mom’s help.

I may actually file for taxes finally, another dream, weird as it sounds, but it means I’m not impoverished anymore.

Now, does all this mean my life is perfect? No.

It’s been a good year.

But I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging. I share all this because I see it as God’s goodness.

But to level with you all who might feel like your life sucks compared to mine (and mine’s not that glamorous, so if yours is worse, I’m sure you’ve got it rough), maybe I can encourage you a bit.

This is a recent thing for me.

For many years, I’ve had a lot of these wishes, and honestly, I couldn’t even work towards them for the longest time, I was just hanging on barely to what I already had, not expanding.

I’ve not had a lot of friends for most of my life, and it’s been weird to make more.

And it felt like I had one issue after another the last few years. I had health issues, though they seemed small, but not to me.

I had job problems constantly.

I got frustrated a lot and I had a lot of anxiety.

And I still sometimes do. I know that none of this stuff I have now will last forever. Friends come and go, so do jobs, vehicles, and health can be changing too.

Money will rise and fall for me, and so will success.

Now that’s no reason to assume I’ll end up worse off. God takes us from glory to glory.

And I don’t mean that in a cheesy way. I’ve seen it play out.

While things have been both bad and good for me, I have noticed a different aspect of life with God in each season. Sometimes it’s his kindness, sometimes it’s just the strength to keep going. The voice in my head that says it’ll get better.

And no, it doesn’t happen overnight.

Christians love to share our testimonies of God’s goodness, because it makes Him sound better to outsiders, and we don’t want to seem like we’re doing badly, when we’re supposed to represent how much better life is with God.

But the wisest of us realize that if life is better with God, it logically must mean that even the bad parts of it are made better by God.

Jesus warned us we’ll never get out of suffering in this life. No matter how good we have it, there will be trouble. Not because God wants us to suffer, but because the world is not a safe place. Suffering is inevitable. Jesus suffered a lot.

And we think that means only the Cross, but no, Jesus was tired, hungry, hurt by his friends and family, mocked, accused, and that was before he even was killed. He slept outside a lot.

Often, we don’t have the mental picture of just how difficult it must have been for him, as a man, though He was God.

So, no, no one gets out of suffering. He wasn’t floating around in a nimbus, people, not feeling the burn of walking everywhere. That’s not how it happened.

But Christian artists have always portrayed Jesus as somewhat above suffering. Not I think, out of a lack of understanding perhaps, always.

But because they recognize that our inner self, that is what makes suffering seem impossible or bearable to us.

Jesus was strong on the inside, so He rose above his circumstances. He was not raised by rich parents, in a well known district. He came from Nazareth, the bad town of the ancient world. Everyone thought it was awful.

He has his high moments, to be sure. His entrance to Jerusalem, he was worshiped, given gold, frankincense, and myrrh by the wise men.

The point I’m making here is that Jesus wasn’t always sad or always suffering, but he certainly wasn’t always doing well either.

His life, like ours, had its ups and downs.

So when Christians say that God will make your life better, we don’t mean your problems will go away. We mean that God will get in your problems and make it better for you.

And I would say that’s the truth, in my experience.

I had depression and anxiety, they didn’t just go away because of my faith (they have gone away mostly now, though). But while I had them, I felt God with me. Not always in a distinct feeling of peace, but at least, I felt like I was not alone.

I think that’s the worst part, really being alone. Ever notice that no matter what experience we suffer, the loneliness part is always the worst. Even if it’s painful in other ways, somehow what horrifies us is that we’re alone.

Humans do not like to be alone.

It’s funny too, I’ll see people online saying they like to be alone–in a public comment section, where they’re commenting on other peoples thoughts and getting likes and comments back.

I’m thinking “you don’t like to be alone, you’re asking for sympathy from strangers, and giving your opinions on their lives, because that’s just a less risky way to have companionship. You get to have it on your terms, that’s all. You’re not truly trying to be alone.”

Let’s say no one who’s on the internet is ever trying to really be alone.

Maybe if you go off the grid and live in a log cabin without a phone, then you’re really trying to be alone–and you’re not reading this post then.

I do notice though, that people who say they want to be alone, have small dreams.

Like it or not, we need other people to make our dreams happen. I know mine never would have happened without people–and some of them literally require other people participating to make happen at all. I can’t marry and have kids with myself, can I?

So, no, I don’t leave other people out of my dreams.

And I submit everything to God.

The word says if you commit your ways to the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.

This doesn’t mean, I think, that we get every single thing we want. I think that there are desires that God gives us, in our lives, that He will make happen, if we don’t go against His will.

Often something would only be good for us if it was through God. Otherwise, it would end badly.

Not just because God won’t bless it if it’s not through Him, but often the ways we try to get things without God are very selfish. We lie, we steal, we cheat. We try to get ahead.

I don’t really want to be rich, now.

I’ve wondered if it would be nice, but honestly, I think if I didn’t have to work, I’d feel pretty useless. I would like to be well off enough to work only at what I like doing, instead of what I hate to do, but, that’s not a requirement, it’s just what I prefer.

But if I got a billion dollars or something and never need to work again, I’d feel empty.

Sure, a lot of money would help me…

But honestly, right now, there’s not that many problems I have that I really need to fix with money. There’s a few, and long term, yes, I’ll need more.

But I can say for what I need right, now, I have enough. And I’ve noticed that’s always the case. God has never given me an overwhelming amount of wealth, but He’s always given me as much as I need for my current expenses. And that’s been true even as my expenses increased.

Sometimes I want to get ahead, and I get frustrated that I can’t, but I know I have no real reason to complain.

It’s the same with my dreams. They didn’t all happen when I wanted. And they still haven’t all happened.

But enough of them have happened for me to know that God is good.

And I’ll get the other things, if I need them.

Though I don’t think that God only does things when we need them. I do think some stuff is just for the fun of it. Just because we want them, too. But that’s more depending on if it will hurt us or not. You can’t be more generous than God, but He knows what we need to be happy.

That’s the thing too, I think that’s maybe why I haven’t gotten further ahead. Working for all this makes me feel more satisfied with my life.

Would I really be happier if it was easier for me?

I don’t know. I kind of doubt it, somehow.

I do hope that one day I can live below my means and still have enough, but, I’m trying not to worry about it anymore.

See, goals and money problems were what plagued my dad constantly while I was growing up. The funny thing was, we were never starving or homeless. I’d say we really weren’t that bad off. But he obsessed over every money problem anyway.

And all his other goals, he’d forget about them and just worry about business.

And, we never had that many other goals. We’d talk about it, but eventually it always came back to business. He didn’t stick to any other goal.

My dad is good at business, so it’s not like it’s not his gift, but I thought it should have made him happier than it did.

That’s why I have other goals, ones I don’t have to pay for.

And some things I will have to pay for. Both.

Because success isn’t just in money, but money is usually part of success. Put that on a plaque.

So yeah, you know, I’m happy.

Lastly, let me say, I do still sometimes have the fear that all this will go away just as fast as it came.

And it’s true there are no guarantees in life.

But I realize that this was kind of hurting my ability to enjoy it.

I’m not perfectly good at blocking out worry yet. I think it would be hard for someone like me, who’s been like that most of her life, to unlearn it in 1 or 2 years, but, I am better than I was.

See, I’ve heard the cliche that you won’t fix it by worrying, but I only recently started to realize just how logical that is.

I guess I lacked maturity before to really embrace it. And this is not an age thing, so many older women than I are obsessed with worries and fears.

So I say if I’ve changed, it must be a God thing.

So, to get back on topic, not every dream may happen. And some things that I have now, I may not have later.

Hoesn thoguh…so what?

I mean there are always other things you can do. The world is full of stuff, why get hung up on losing or having one thing, or one person.

True people are not replaceable, but you can always let new ones in.

I mean if I quit because of bad experiences, I’d have quit years before I made any real friends.

That’s the thing, why do we give up? Why do we settle for our life the way it is. Nearly every problem gets better with enough time, energy, and innovation to try to fix it.

I mean you can make money at home in so many ways now, you can’t have really tried everything if you’re broke.

Maybe there’s so many things we can do, that we can’t settle on one.

I really do suggest making a dream list then. Things you always wanted to do, or things that just sound fun to you.

Try to do them. At least one of them. In the next year.

I should get started on mine.

Happy New Year to you all, and stay honest–Natasha.