A few weeks ago I would have said I didn’t really need to win the lottery.

Well, I don’t need a million dollars. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be able to use that much money except on something like a trip or as savings. And sure, I’d take it if I got it (I’m not an idiot).

But after the nervewracking last few weeks I’ve had, with an ER visit on my mini-vactaion, a new car that turned out to have a faulty engine (somehow the dealer disguised it so it didn’t become obvious till two weeks after purchase), and now repair costs reaching over $7000 (about the same as I paid for the dang thing), yeah, I could think of a few things I’d spend money on if I won it.

I’m not gonna buy any tickets, I believe in either working hard for money, or the generous support of friend or family who won’t attach strings to it. I don’t borrow money if I can help it, but I’ve been forced tos wallow my prde.

My family has been kind enough to help me in this hellish situiaotn, (and I know I could have it a lot worse because not everyone has that support), but I feel guilty for them needing to give me thousands of dollars just to pay for a mistake I made.

I mean, can I scream into the void a bit here?

This sucks.

I’m not going to have full blown crisis here. I know there’s some way to get around this. And if worst comes to worse, my family will wait till I can pay them off, unlike the bank will. They aren’t mean enough to hound me for it.

Still they have their own expensive and none of us are rich (Who is these days unless they were already?)

I have been brainstorming solutions to try to earn money. I’m attempting to start a second job, and I’m looking for any other side hustles I could manage.

As a person who has faith, this has been kind of difficult to pray about.

On the one hand, God is the only reason I didn’t have a full mental breakdown. When I pray or worship, I feel some measure of peace–when I don’t, I feel like I’m going to either throw up or have a fit.

On the other hand, I prayed about this purchase, and it looks like it backfired. I won’t say God is at fault here, we can always misinterpret or just hear what we want to hear.

And maybe, even, depends on the cost, the car isn’t a bad purchase. Sure it’s banged up, but where I live, cars are going electric only pretty soon, and buying one that’s not while you still can might have been the best choice. Goodness knows, I’d never afford new one unless I actually do win the lottery.

Hey, I was within my means when I bought the car. And I could even have afforded some repairs in a few months–this just all happened sooner than I was ready for. I thought I had more time.

We never have as much as we think, right?

The kicker is that it almost was even worse. The car is salvageable right now, at least it looks that way. If I’d waited much longer to get it inspected, it could have not been.

And everyone told me I was worried too much about the noise it was making (misfiring but quietly and only for a few seconds).

Turns out I was right. Something bad was wrong. I just wish I didn’t seem $500 going to three different mechanics before the 4th one finally figure it out.

I mean I would rather have had the money to go toward the repair itself…

Could it be worse? As I said, yes.

It could be a lot better too.

But, I’m not the type who stays down for too long (barring some highly traumatic experienced, which this isn’t).

I think if the situation was just to stop getting worse, I could adjust to it. They say you can face a thing you know.

So if things don’t progress from here, a $7400 cost for this might even up…seeming less bad once I have time to get past it.

That is more than my salary for 5 months would be. So I’ll be paying it off slowly.

And hope nothing else breaks immediately after this.

Someone said I should trade in the car or buy a different one…not sure they quite understood that this car already was the “different” one and it’s even more expensive to buy another one, even highly used, than it is ot fix it. You have to consider the total here. Any car that cheap is probably going to have issues.

Which I knew when I bought it–I just thought it would be the battery and breaks, not the gasket. I was prepared to fix those…this, not so much.

But even if we put all that dough towards another new car, if we still had to fix it up, that cost is more than fixing this one. I try to think of the long term.

I mean I have to view my car some credit–with a problem lie that, it was still running very smoothly and you could barely tell something was wrong, except when I started it up. Toyotas can take a lot of abuse before they shut down, I’ll give them that.

Which is another reason to stick with it. Sure it’s old and battered, but that it still runs smoothly at all with a big issue seems to me to show it is resilient. A cheaper, more poorly made car would just break down on me anyway, might as well keep the pricey one if it will last longer. And it could last me many years once its key parts are replaced. The body is mostly in good shape.

I’m not the only one with this experience who I know, my Grandma had to replace her engine once also, and a friend of mine had a used car that’s transmission blew right after she bought it. All of us risk takers don’t always get the best case scenario.

But that is why we call it a risk.

Anyway, the whole thing might make a good story someday.

(This is my way of laughing in the dark)

Well, if you all have similar stories, you can reply to this post with them if you want some sympathy.

If you feel moved at all to help me out, I do have a donation option on this blog. I won’t beg for it, but I never would say no to people wanting to be kind or generous. We all have to help each other through this world.

I hope you’re all having a good January, and your creativity doesn’t run dry this year (you fellow bloggers know what I mean)

Until next time–Natasha