It wasn’t memorable for the same reasons as you’d expect.

Daily writing prompt
Think back on your most memorable road trip.

Several years ago my family went on a road trip to Wyoming to visit relatives.

That was the last road trip I went on with my father.

That was the one he punched me on.

Only in the arm, but, it was still a violation of trust. He threatened to do worse if I ever hit him again.

I hit him because he walked in on my in the bathroom, deliberately, and then just laughed instead of apologizing. Acing like a middle schooler (no I’ve know middle schoolers who were more polite).

I’m not defending my actions per sec, I still probably shouldn’t have done that (though if it was any other guy doing the same thing my father would have been fine with it). I guess I thought if he’s going to act like a creep, I’d treat him like one.

But that logic didn’t go over well with my family.

Still, my dad retaliated too much. He hurt me when he hit me back, and he could hit harder than I could. Also, he hit me twice. But it wasn’t really the phsyical pain that bothered me, it was that he did it at all. Something my mom always said he’d never do, though he’d threatened to plenty of times.

My dad had a nasty temper, and the thing I realized was it didn’t matter if you could argue I deserved it (which is what my aunt basically said). My dad got mad over stupid things all the time, even if this time it was valid, if he’d hit me over this, he’d do it when it wasn’t valid too.

I was scared of him getting that angry again–but then I always was scared of his anger.

I didn’t know at the time hat that kind of fear shouldn’t be the kind your father inspires in you.

That with a safe man, you wouldn’t even be able to picture them hitting you even if they were angry.

There are men I know like that, but my father was not one of them. Not from when I was a little kid.

The next year, when they all went on a road trip, I stayed home. Best decision I made where that was concerned.

By the year after that, my father had moved out. Actually, it was right after their trip. Where I heard there was plenty of drama that I was happy I missed, no doubt I’d have ended up in the middle of it.

Something died between me and my dad on the trip though. Maybe if he’d let it be a wake up call, and had tried to change, and fix things after that, it could have recovered.

But instead he blamed me for what happened, claiming he “didn’t know what else to do” since I “never respected him”.

Even though the entire incident was started by him disrespecting me.

But my dad is good at gas lighting.

My father wasn’t often physically abusive. That incident was the closest he came to it, usually he didn’t do more than yank me out of chairs or rooms he wanted to be in, and threaten to hit me if I talked to him the way I did.

But since it had gotten worse over time, I had a feeling it would just keep getting worse till it became a consistent thing, if we pushed him enough. We all walked down eggshells around him because of that.

My life got much better once he moved out (really we made him move out).

I’ve shared the story on this blog before, more while it was happening, in fact, but, I doubt most of my new followers have read those posts, so sharing it again after all this time is probably a good idea for context.

There’s too much to really tell the rest, though.

I’ve had good road trips since that time, and I hope I will remember them for years to come, but it’s probably not up for debate that that one is the most memorable.

I’m likely to remember it till my dying day unless I get dementia in my old age.

I’m not really sad or mad about it now, it just reminds me of why we did what we did, and why it needed to be done.

I hope other people had more pleasant memories for this prompt though.

–Natasha

Living close to record breaking wildfires…

Wow, this has been a crazy Winter Break

I got a longer one because I live in the part of the country that is currently on fire!

I’m all right, no worries, but the schools here are closed and we can only hope they’ll be open by next week.

Which is really the least of our worries.

You know, other people get snow days, but along the West Coast, we get “fire days”. I’d say that’s way worse.

Also this is the worst fire incident we’ve had in 50 years or more, they keep saying.

This topped off a pretty weird two weeks for me. As I’ve been sharing, I’ve been doing a lot over break. My break was less relaxing than my actual job.

I bought a new car that I had to take to the shop three times. Twice it was a pretty minor thing, just some software updates that they at first told me could have been a head gasket leak that would cost 4 or 5 grand…thanks for that 2 hours of panic attack!

The other was to get the brakes checked, which they told me were fine, but then another place told me were not, in fact fine, and I will need to fix them soon. So…yeah, that was nice.

The other time I just had to get a tire patched, so no big deal.

Thankfully, the car seems to be fine now, and I hope it will stay that way for a few months at least, since I just got it.

Also I went on my first planned trip on vacation without my mom, and the day we left, I had an allergic reaction to medication I was on because of my wisdom teeth getting taken out, and I had to go ot the ER while on an island, to get meds for it.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a dangerous reaction, but it was bad enough to get hives for 4 days. I’ve never had those before, I don’t recommend it, though my case was mild, but still.

So…yeah, then we got back, and found out there was fire all around the area we live in, and my work would be closed all week.

Which is a minor concern, because the real problem is the many friends I have who may have lost their jobs or houses, or their families have, since this started.

Despite the crazy week I had, I know I’m the lucky one, and that’s saying something. All that could happen in one week, and there are still thousands of people having a worse week than I am, just in this county. That’s a staggering thought.

I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom to make a cliche speech about hanging together, but, I can say, it does put things in perspective.

I was tempted to feel sorry for myself, after all, my trip was partially ruined, and I had several days of anxiety I didn’t need, while I was trying to recover from hives, which doesn’t help with hives.

And I was worried about getting to work and making a bad financial decisions.

But then I realized how bad things were in the county right now, and that I really had very little to complain about compared to them.

I have a house and my workplace is likely to reopen, since it’s not in the red zone. So I’ll probably still have a job next week, unlike many people. We didn’t lose power, so far, and no family I have lives in the red zones.

It could have been much worse.

It could be a lot better, but, you know, no matter what’s going on with you, someone else is having a worse day, probably. I mean, if you can even read this post, I guarantee someone out there is having a worse day than you.

I don’t want to be accused of using this disaster just to generate more traffic to my site, but I did wonder if anyone would be interested in the perspective of someone who lives where this happens.

A lot of people say California is scary because of the earthquakes–and well, the lunatics.

I agree about the latter, but a fact many people don’t realize who live outside this state is that the wildfires that happen pretty much every year do much more damage than 80-90% of our earthquakes do.

Every now and then, we have a bad one, but the majority of us barely feel a jolt when it happens, and it doesn’t usually spread outside the strike zone, while a fire like this can become two fires, or in this case, up to 6.

And since we get dry weather a lot here, and that impacts fires, but not earthquakes, environmentally, we’re more in danger.

People are blaming our government for not preparing for this, and while I’m sure there is some truth to that, the reality is that the worst fire is happening near the coast, there’s not a lot we can do about that area being dry. We use ocean water to fight these fires, but the wind is what kept us from doing that, not the lack of resources.

Sometimes, nature just fricks you over.

Some spiteful people online are also saying that this is what the people in Hollywood deserved, and they don’t really feel sorry for them.

A lot of people don’t like California, after all.

Heck, I live in the area and I don’t like it a lot of the time.

Still, it is our home.

And whatever people think about Hollywood, it’s really not most of the state, like outsiders believe.

It’s true that the rich stars who had to evacuate probably have plenty of money to rebuild with, making it hard to feel sorry for them compared to the other people, still it’s their home too.

And there are many more people who are not well off, and were just doing their jobs. I know one person who had to leave a hospital they worked at over this.

I’ve noticed that we humans tend to rush to assume things are karma and judgment when disaster strikes.

Even I do, and I wonder why. Because while making sense of it is something we want to do, I don’t really see how it makes us feel better.

I mean, it could be, but the tricky thing about assuming that, is that you have to ignore how many people who are good and were innocent get caught up in these tragedies.

People like to cite religion as a source for saying all this was judgment, my own father likes to do that.

However, at least in the Bible, many disasters are recorded that were not God’s judgment. The bible even kind of makes it clear that not all bad things are a judgment. Sometimes, they are just bad. Sometimes, there may even be other forces at work besides God.

Why do we rush to assume we know what it is? Like we all know the Mind of God?

Besides which, all the churches, hospital, charities, that get affected by this, are we going to say that God judged them also?

I guess some people might believe that, but I have a hard time swallowing it.

If you’re wondering what it feels like to live through this, it’s weird how things can feel normal, in one way. As long as I don’t step outside and inhale the smoke that makes us feel sick and cough.

And as long as I don’t turn on the news.

Or check my churches’ small group chat to see how many people have family in danger right now.

It’s been strange to me many times how easy it is to ignore tragedy even when it’s close to home, because it’s not right in my backyard.

Yesterday, there was even a faulty alert sent to our area, and then another one this morning, scaring people, who thought we were out of the burn zone.

For a second, we weren’t sure if we might have to evacuate after all.

The thought went through my head that instead of just losing money from not working, I might be facing losing my house and stuff instead.

Thankfully, it was a false alarm, but even for a few minutes, I understood a little better how other people feel.

People are coming together, that’s the nice thing. It’s a lot like how the hurricanes affect people on the East coast.

I feel like I’d prefer the hurricane to this, but I’m pretty sure if I actually saw one, I wouldn’t think so. They’re still more destructive in the long run than the fires.

Still, I think of how scared the students at my school probably have even this week, and it’s weird. Mostly we only worry about school shooters and fires being started in the lab in our schools.

And even that’s bad enough, but you’re used to that threat, so you become dull to it.

You don’t really get used to the threat of wild fires. They’re unpredictable.

They think humans may have started it. We can hope by accident.

Maybe tha’t why we assign blame for this so easily too. Fires, unlike storms, can be started by man. We’ve all seen Bambi. It’s easy to blame the pot heads and crazy people out here.

Yet, it often is an accident. Or just faulty equipment. Not malicious intent (sometimes it is, and then I do think those people deserve what they get.)

The reality is tragedy can be tragic because it’s accidental, and it just happens.

I can’t moralize really about to, since eI don’t know how it started either.

I know we’ve been praying a lot out here, though some people have reported that their family/friends didn’t appreciate the gesture too much.

Whether you believe in God or not, I think it’s good to understand that people pray because they don’t know what else to do to help, but they want to do something. And some of us have no other way to intervene. I’m not offended by Muslims or Buddhists praying for me, even if I don’t acknowledge their gods. I appreciate the support.

There’s no reason to be harsh to people who mean well. Though, when we’re stressed, it can be hard to remember that, so I also hope we can be forgiving of people who may get snippy with us under the circumstances.

I was told we might get some financial aid from the government for my coworkers and I, but honestly, I think most of us don’t need it the most of anyone. If we’re going back to work at all, we’ll be better off than thousands of people right now.

I hope the government directs its resources to the people who will be homeless and jobless for months after this.

I guess that’s all I have to say. Things have taken a better turn today, and if the weather cooperates, we may get all the fires contained by Sunday, at least partially, so I hope if you pray, you’re praying that the weather will stay clam and the wind will not return.

If you are interested in donating to this, there are many things people are setting up to help the victims of the tragedy, if you look it up online, I’m not a patron of any particular charity, but I saw that some are being put together on social media.

Until next time, stay vigilant–Natasha.

Not sure if this is a hot take on it, or not, but…

Daily writing prompt
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

You know, I’ve seen a lot of media depict living a long time as a bad thing. Outliving everyone.

I think it depends.

As long as you’re in good health, living a long life seems best to me. I have more time to do good in the world, to meet new people, to spend time with old friends.

Also a lot of people only become successful later in life. So, you know, it’s a statistical thing.

Still at the end of the day, it’s all about what you do with whatever time you got. Kind of like the “7 Years” song by Luke Graham says.

A life is not wasted if it’s spent making other people’s lives better, whether you lived 50 years, 15 years, 5 years, or 5 months.

Though I hope everyone reading this has a long and full life.

–Natasha.

What couldn’t I do differently?

Daily writing prompt
What could you do differently?

Hard to think of an answer off the top of my head, but I feel like I’m always learning a new and better way to do things.

You have to be willing to change up your routine.

I have had slight OCD tenancies my whole life, and maybe being locked into a routine should sound good to me, but I actually hate scheduling every thing in my life. I do find a schedule reassuring when it’s work or serious commitments, but for other stuff, it can feel constrictive.

So because of that, I make adjustments to my life all the time, I experiment to see what I could do better, or if I get different results.

Such as, if I cut all my online time down to one day, or one hour, will I focus better? Or is doing a little several times a day more effective?

Things like that help me learn what works for me.

–Natasha

Not to be sappy but…

Daily writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

Love.

I know it sounds cheesy, but I’m not that particular about what someone gives me in material possessions. The point is that they thought of me.

Or if they do anything else that I know is their way of showing love. It just depends on the person.

In the end caring too much about “stuff” is just a waste of time. It’s the thought that counts.

I just recently got given fuzzy reading socks as a birthday present. I love them. I never would have asked for that, but, this person picked something she knew I’d probably use and that’s the sweet part. Also I ended up thinking they were really comfortable, so it’s a win-win.

-Natasha.