This month I’ve been asking myself why, since this year started and it seemed like every thing that could go wrong did go wrong, I turned so much to doing things to improve my household life.

(By the way, my car had to get repaired again. The ABS, the other big Prius thing that tends to break, went out. I hope at least now that the two big ones already failed, every other issue will be much smaller.)

I’ve been a Christina for 13 years, but even I’m not immune to the temptation Job had to question why God is allowing all this. since the year became 2025, it’s like some line of dominoes was pushed over to make one thing after another go wrong, and as soon as I deal with one problme, another one emerges. Like getting the ear infection to go finally, but it getting slightly reinfected because of allergies and also the hole in my ear not healing the way we hoped.

All of these things might seem small enough, if each of them was the only problem, but all together, when the costs amount to over $8,000, and my family’s total income is less than 100,000 even if you combined all 3 or 4 of us who make income…

Well, we’ve scraped by, but we’ve gone through a lot of emergency savings to do it. I mean, I guess they are for emergencies, but still.

For me, the funny thing is, even a single one of the crisis I’ve dealt with this year would have, 3 years ago, laid me out for weeks. Being anxious and depressed and afraid of the future.

I’ve felt as if I just don’t have the time to dwell on it. I still had to go to work. Now that I’m on vacation (sort of) for the Summer, I worried I would fall into that anxious habit again.

I’ve set myself daily talks to make sure I have something to focus on, which helps.

However, I also find that pull to fall into anxiety is less than it used to be.

Maybe I got tougher, because of all the stuff I had to go through to get it his point. Not sure.

Another thing is maybe, I learned to redirect my enegery.

I think we often try to stop being anxious in the passive way, we try to block it out the anxious thoughts, using mediation, or self affirmation…

But taking action is often the best way to fight any bad mood, especially fear.

I think that’s why reading “The Happiness Project” helped me so much two years ago. Up till then I was kind of just trying to escape anxiety the same way I always had, and it sometimes would work. Prayer, worship, and distraction are all valid ways to treat anxiety, and I can say without God, I would have never got this far.

Yet, I think God himself points us to needing to do more to fight off fear than to just wait for it to go away.

Once I started taking some small actions in regard to my happiness and control over my life, I was shocked by how different I felt.

It’s not even always about me feeling happy so much as feeling less helpless. Which for me, is the biggest source of unhappiness in my life.

I’m the kind of woman who had to feel like I can do something about my situation, in order to feel at peace about it. At least, without divine help to not need that, which, to be real, doesn’t always come, because I think God does want us to take action ourselves.

Nothing stresses me out like having no solution.

Which, come to think of it, might explain why my parents were never much help to me dealing with my fears when I grew up.

My mom’s go-to phrase when I had a problem and told her was: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Or “I don’t know how to help.”

My dad’s go-to was to tell me how much worse he used to have it, or that he had the same problem….with no potential solution. Unless it was to just make fun of it.

Which is how he deals with every problem.

I am glad both my parents do also take practical steps to solve some issues, so though they never told me how to do this, I was able to glean some things from their examples.

However, I didn’t realize how much their attitude had affected me till the last few years. Until I started trying to take action, I never noticed how little I ever did before.

I believe I could have solved my anxiety issues as a child, even, if I ‘d know it then, and had the relationship with God I do now. You need both, but I think I would have suffered less even if it was just with the practical steps.

I can’t go into every single thing I learned, but here’s the biggest one, and this an did start with a revelation from God, appropriately enough.

Everyday life is the place I will find the most happiness.

I was lamenting my lack of accomplishment of my goals to God a couple years back, I remember this clearly because, though it was in my head, I knew the thought was not mine, it was too far from anything I’d been thinking at that time to be my own idea.

God, finally getting tired of listening to this, I imagine (I had complained to Him many times already) finally shot back with “You have a beautiful life.”

I say shot back, but it was actually a very gently made a point.

(God does not talk to me in a harsh voice, ever. I know there are people He can be firm with, but I think I never perceive it that way because I want tho so much as a kid with harsh parents, and God knows it would only push me back into that cycle to be spoken to that way.

Perhaps this sounds crazy to you if you’re not a Christian, but I’ve heard many others say that God speaks to them the way they can handle, s it’s not just me.)

And if you think that means that we’re just making it up…well, I know I can’t persuade you otherwise, but it seems odd to me that if I made it up, it would be such a new, unlike me thing to think. Make of that way you will.)

Anyway, after that sentence, a bunch of memories of the things I have that other people don’t have came into my mind.

I remember that I felt something shift after that moment. I didn’t usually get over all of my issues–and I have now, but when I get down about my life I think of that statement and I reflect on my blessings, I guess you could say. I don’t like to call it that because I think the cheesy cliche makes me people turn off their brains, but I suppose it’s what I’m doing.

One thing I sometimes think about is that for all the things I had to complain about, I’m never starving, or homeless, or lacking even in electricity, and clean water or clothing. The fact that I even have enough money to chastise myself for spending more than I should, means I’m blessed.

My car has been a problem, but I’ve had one when I needed it, even if it breaks a lot,and that has let me at least still work and do my church activities.

I have books and more movies tan I can read. I have enough free time to choose how I will spend it.

I have a cat.

I have family who loves me, even if they aren’t always the most helpful to me about things, and I have friends now.

Sure, there are things I had that gave me disadvantages. I had a father who didn’t financially plan very well and so we ended up always struggling for money and losing our house. I had a father who also abused me emotionally enough to give me a ton of issues.

All in all, like most people, my life is a mixed bag.

I don’t think God was telling me to think that everything was beautiful in my life when He said that.

But he was pointing out that in the moment I was being so negative, I was ignoring the fact that I had a bed, a house, two loving siblings, plenty of other basic needs, and a few luxuries, and other things in my life were changed for the better. And best of all, I no longer live with apron trying to tear me down constantly and threaten my safety.

And even though this year has sucked in many ways, I won’t tell you that nothing good has happened in it. The good things have been smaller and quieter, but they have been there.

And while financially, I’m still struggling to figure stuff out, at least I know that my family can help me if I end up falling short, and someone have no one but themselves.

I know people would kill to get what I have, even when I feel down about it.

My personal values are a wish to be independent, but that has not gotten granted to me at any time in my life. Maybe it never will be. It could be that God knows I’m better off knowing I need people.

Or perhaps, one day He will answer that prayer.

I’ve been reminded of the bible verse “He who is faithful with little with be faithful with much” a lot since last year. [Luke 10:16]

Perhaps I’m starting small to learn responsibility.

And I have to admit to you all, I was not very responsible with what I did have before. I didn’t have a savings account with my job before my current one. I spent more than I should. And I didn’t do a lot to take care of my house or contribute to the family.

That has changed a lot. And I feel more ready to have a house of my own because I’ve been taking care of the one I do live in now.

And in that, I do find joy.

Everyday life seems boring or people who always want to move onto the next big thing. I know because, I’m one of those people. I always dreamed big.

I didn’t do a lot to get ready for those dreams though. I always thought I didn’t have enough money and I didn’t have the money to go out and try things. My parents kind of kept me from being able to do that.

Even when I wanted to do outside things, like sports, or drama,or writing workshops, they with the financial support because either we couldn’t afford it, or, it was too much of a hassle, or I didn’t do enough to earn the support.

I think they really could have found a way to support me, if they’d looked into it, but…

Well, blaming them is probably no good.

However, that helped me feel like I could never pursue anything I wanted to do without enough money.

There are ways that’s true, but it’s also true that people have made so many free resources now, more than has ever be available to anyone throughout history, that we don’t realize the gold mine we’re sitting on top of, in the current century I can learn almost any skill online for free, within reason.

Instead of noticing this, I just felt bad about not having money for so long.

And instead of doing anything to change my household for the better, I just complained about it being arranged in a way I didn’t like.

I also felt useless, because all my skills seemed to be purely academic and I had nothing else to fall back on, so when that didn’t yield the reason I wanted, I got depressed.

Now I know that I do have some other skills, even if they ‘re not huge money makers, it’s good to know I could probably have options, if I need them.

My point is, everyday happiness is something we shouldn’t take for granted

Sometimes the old saying are old because they are true and people find them to be true.

People complain about everything now, and always have, but now they can spread it much farther. If I complain to my family, I only bring down the moods of 5 people, but if I post it online, I could bring down the moods of 5 million people, if I had enough of a following.

T’hat not healthy to do to others. Or ourselves.

I feel like these truths are obvious, but as usual, humans are weak to the temptation to do that.

So I can’t give you a formula that will help you fix it if you have that problem, being formulaic doesn’t work.

My best advice is to find something that makes you happier, and try to do that instead of indulging in complaints and negativity, even challenge yourself for one week, or three days, to stay off the thing that brings you down and for someone else. If you don’t see a change immediately, then, try something else, because who wants to stay unhappy?

And we all have problems to focus on, I know that. And unlike me, maybe yours are not something you can ignore (at least for a short period of time).

I think there are still ways to make it better, but I don’t want to be flippant about that situation.

My point is that, for most of us, we have it better than we think. Those of us who really have it bad, we should support and help them to get to a better place. I’m thankful for all the people who helps me, the help wasn’t always perfect, but it was there.

Even my parents, will all our problems, have helped me many times. Even parent who add to your issues can sometimes be part of the solution.

So life is a mixed bag in every sense.

I hope some of this was helpful, I’m trying to make it a bit shorter and more to the point, one of my new resolutions is to try to improve my time management, and blogging shorter and more focused posts would help me with that.

Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.