Author: toseealife

In Defense of Damian Wayne

/ toseealife / Leave a comment

Hey all.

Today I’m back with another character analysis. What can I say? I watch a lot of movies.

I kind of switched from an anime kick to a DC/superhero kick for the last several months. And I discovered a new branch of DC media which features Damian Wayne. (Batman’s son, in the newer comic lines, if you’re not familiar.)

Damian is one of the most widely despised new characters in the Batman canon.

Now, full disclosure, I’ve only seen the movies. But I’ve heard he’s actually better in the comics, so, I’m probably getting the worst of it by only viewing the movies.

I don’t really understand the hate. Well, I do, in that I know a lot of people find certain kinds of characters obnoxious, but I have to admit, when I watched the films, I was confused.

Damian is a brat, to be sure, but the edgy, snarky, kind of AH character is really popular now. I usually see videos saying that those types are the best part of the show or movie they’re in, so I couldn’t figure out why the fandom seemed to hate this character. (Not all of them, but 75% at least, it felt like.)

Me? I’m weird. I thought he was adorable.

Yes, I’ve come to see I may have a very unique taste when it comes to what characters I like. While I do like a lot of popular characters (they’re popular for a reason right?) I end up liking characters a lot of people think are obnoxious.

Sadly this is not just how I am about fiction. I tend to like real kids in my class or life who are the same way.

Sometimes I think I like them primarily because other people usually don’t. I’m just that obstinate.

So trying to defend Damian Wayne as a good character is perhaps just asking for people’s scorn or scrutiny…or not, I somehow think people might not really care that much if I like the character, just so long as I don’t expect them to…

But we’re not here not ot swap opinions, and try ot persuade each other, as fans, let’s be real, so why not give it a shot?

That said, let’s dive in:

1. Damian’s Effect on the other characters he’s around.

Okay the number one reason people hate Damian isn’t even really because of Damian’s characterization itself, it’s how Batman and the other Bat-family members are whenever he’s in the story.

    I was actually talking to a friend about his character, and she admitted to hating him mostly for that reason. And I fully agree…Batman sucks in the movies Damian is in.

    But, to be honest, Batman sucks period in the new 52 movies, for the most part. With some exceptions (namely the ones where he’s not the main character.)

    My sister told me that it’s actually the agenda of comic book writers now to make Batman awful. She heard a story about an artist applying for a job working on Batman content, and being asked ‘what’s wrong with Batman? Why is he bad?” and when they said ‘nothing’ the interviewer said “that’s not what we’re looking for.”

    I can’t be sure this is a true story, but I believe the agenda nonetheless, and that is a whole other post in of itself.

    But I actually think Damian is one of the few good things in the new movies, oddly enough. He’s a very well written character. And it’s not as if it’s a character’s fault that the other characters are made worse when they’re there…

    But as I said, Batman is bad anyway, Damian just makes it more obvious by actually arguing with him…which I don’t have a problem with. Feels like it’s overdue for Batman to know what it’s like to deal with himself. I mean they make a point of how similar personality-wise Damian and Bruce really are–though, I actually think Damian has strengths that Bruce does not have, at least in this iteration.

    I also think it’s not fair to the character (and by extension, whoever came up with it) to blame them for the fact that writers can’t handle Batman. That doesn’t make Damian a bad character just because the others are brought down to a new low when they deal with him.

    And, on the flip side, I actually think Nightwing looks better when he’s contrasted with Damian. He demonstrates a level of patience and understanding with him that really shows how he’s not the same as Bruce, and is a kind person and also that his odd gremlin energy just makes him able to roll with the punches better. Damon and him bonding feels believable to me, because he treats Damian like a person.

    And when Damian is paired with the Teen Titans in later movies, he actually brings an element of critical thinking and cynicism to them that the team kind of needed to feel more balanced. If we’re honest, the flaw with the Teen Titans was always that they didn’t have a character who was extremely good at looking into people’s backgrounds and really figuring out who was suspicious. They didn’t suspect Terra after all, and they often don’t see other betrayals coming.

    Damian can be a pill about it, but he makes them have to at least think of difficult things. And he also brings out a side of Raven that I think the others don’t.

    Raven was the dark and edgy person before Damian showed up. The one who would say things no one else liked hearing. and was at times rude. She’s still kind of that way once Damian is part of the team, but he gives her the chance to also be the more compassionate and understanding person we know she is at certain times. But she’s still dark enough to be someone he can relate to. She acts as a bridge between the two sides of the team’s emotional core.

    And I think it works better, personally, if Raven is the in-between person, instead of the one who veers more towards the dark side, like in the OG Teen Titans show. (I’m not saying that show isn’t better than the movies. Just that the characters are all more on the zany or quippy side, and at times it was harder to take things seriously because of that. Robin usually was the only one other than Raven who acted like they felt the responsibility of the crime fighting thing.)

    Of course, many people don’t like Raven as much in the movies, which I understand. She is different. But I kind of appreciate the difference. She seems like a slightly older and more weathered Raven would be, without being an actual cynical person. Fits the more grim New 52 better than just the Gothic stereotype would have.

    But I’m not crapping on the Teen Titans show. I just don’t have the attachment to it that other people do, I only watched it as an adult. And so I think I can appreciate both the movies and show separately, for different reasons. The show might be better overall, but some of the ideas the movies had weren’t as awful.

    And adding Damian to the Teen Titans actually seemed like a great idea to me, since Dick Grayson aged out of it.

    Damian teaches the Titans in the movies, that sometimes there is more to some people than meets the eye. That even if someone can seem like a jerk, there may be a side to them you didn’t know about. Which is always a good lesson for anyone to learn. Even if it could have been done better.

    And honestly, the biggest problem superheroes usually have is that they get self righteous. They think they’re better than everyone else morally at all times and they can write off anyone who’s not nice to them as not worth listening to. So having a character like Damian, who is rude, but often right under it, is a good way to round them out and mature them.

    Starfire even admits that Damian was right when he said they needed to learn more about Raven.

    Which will lead into my next point nicely:

    2. Damian’s Approach to people and how it’s perceived by the audience and the other character’s.

    This is probably the second biggest reason Damian is hated. If people aren’t blaming him for how Batman and the others are written, then they just hate him for being a mouthy little brat.

    I’ve always been amazed at how un-self aware people are. I mean the way people write these comments and criticisms of Damian are just as mean and insensitive as Damian’s own remarks, if not worse, and somehow we get a pass? I mean sure, eh’s not a real person, but I personal tend to phrase my criticisms of real people the same way I do with fake ones, and I doubt most of the other fans are any different.

    So if you’re that harsh to a character, you’re probably that harsh in real life. And I’ve seen this proven many times over when I listing to how people talk about real people and how they talk about fictional ones, and it’s always the same. They’re just as mean in real life. (In fact, most people are harsher on real people than fictional ones.)

    Now I’m not blind to the fact that Damian is rude and often harsh when he doesn’t need to be.

    And sure, sometimes I wince when he says stuff like that.

    But a closer look at how he acts in the movies shows that he’s usually doing these things for the right reasons, he just has terrible manners.

    For example, in the most hated “Batman vs. Robin” movie, Damian is at odds with Batman over trusting this assassin guy who’s actually been pretty nice to him.

    But the whole conflict starts after an absolute horrifying mission (one Batman never should have brought a minor on) with a psycho who was killing kids and turning them into puppets (don’t watch that scene if you want my advice, it was disgusting.)

    Damian doesn’t kill the guy (though he certainly deserves it) since Batman said not to, but the freak attacks him and the assassin shows up and kills him and tells Damian he should deice for himself.

    Batman accuses Damian of doing it, which hurts Damian, since he has enough honor to not lie if he had done it and to do as Batman said, even when he doesn’t agree, because he respects authority, even when he doesn’t like it. (Something no doubt drilled into him by the Assassins guild he grew up in).

    This gets the conflict off on the worst possible footing.

    But the saddest part is that Damian later asks Bruce, what if the psychopath had killed him? Would Bruce still not kill the man?

    Bruce gives him an extremely vague answer about not wanting vengeance. And Damian is (reasonably) not satisfied.

    But personally, watching it? I was completely on his side.

    This crazy person was killing children…if he came after my son, you bet I’d have shot him or done whatever it took to stop him. Why? Because if it’s between a psychopath and my own child, that’s a no brainer. You don’t let someone like that live because too many defenseless people can suffer for it.

    Batman not making that distinction makes him look bad (again why people hate Damian in these films) but it’s not as if it’s new. Batman has been letting the Joker go for doing similar things for ages in the comics.

    I’m one of those people who just doesn’t get it. I know the value of life is important…but that’s why I think letting these creeps go is a mistake. If you value the lives of innocent people more, then stop letting go the ones who don’t deserve to live…it’s just…logical.

    Throughout the rest of this film, Damian continues to argue with Batman about whether he can trust the assassin, who is making a lot of good points, though ultimately is not on the right side.

    When he does fight Batman, as the title says, it’s mainly to protect the assassin guy who he’s not sure really deserves to get taken down.

    Instead of having a real conversation with Damian about why the assassin is wrong, and why he understands the frustration of the situation, Batman just tells him he’s wrong, and pretty harshly at that.

    And Damian is…10-11 in this film, it’s not clear.

    Right.

    I have no patience for people who treat their kids like garbage. Though I have been known to defend characters like Endeavor (MHA), simply because I think they do not fully realize why that they do is wrong.

    But Batman, already a hero who’s supposed to be the one who shows mercy and who knows his son has never been taught what’s right, really has no leg to stand on, expecting Damian to just agree with him and obey him when he has not earned that trust. That’s what bother Ms.

    But as far as it reflects on Damian, I actually like this trait in a child (or adult.)

    Yeah, it’s not one many poeple’ like. I was never liked for it by too many adults (or peers) growing up. But questioning authority is necessary in life, if you don’t want to be duped.

    “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything” as the paraphrased quote goes.

    I’m not even sure why Batman is surprised. He admits to Damian that there’s only a thin line between him and the criminals morally, and then is puzzled when Damian is not impressed by this claim to the moral high ground enough to just do whatever he says.

    I’m with Damian. If you’re so morally weak you’re barely a step above criminals, then, why should I listen to you?

    People think Damian is arrogant. But, he’s really not nearly as arrogant as he’s assumed to be.

    If you look at it form his perspective, hes’ grown up around assassins and a monster like Ras Al Ghul, and his mother (who ends up being quite a psychopath also later on) and he was never taught anything but ‘might makes right’ and that the world would be better if the strong, like the assassin’s, were in charge.

    Naturally, he would assume that Batman’s method of going around and beating crooks up to maintain order is not that far removed from Al Ghul’s philosophy. And given how Batman and Al Ghul have a complicated history, he’s not even that far off assuming that.

    And since Batman himself claims to not be that different from the bad guys, why is Damian assuming that Batman’s morally is unimpressive really such a leap? It’s not.

    He’s just taking him at his word.

    And Damain asks many times why Batman does things the way he does, and he always gets a short, and poorly explained answer.

    And when he’s asking him if he’d kill to protect or avenge Damian himself, you can tell he’s hurt by Batman not saying yes.

    Sure, wanting your parents to kill is bad, but it’s somehow worse to imagine they wouldn’t do it to save you. Or at least, wouldn’t be angry enough to. Batman is not even willing to admit to that.

    It’s a question of self worth. Damian believes Batman values the lives of criminals more than his own, in a way. Or his safety at least.

    And, if we ask Jason Todd (Red Hood), Damian might be right. Which is a very disturbing thought.

    That said, Damian still never actually wants his father to die or suffer in the film, and is horrified when he realizes the assassins were just using him to get to Batman.

    And in the end, since it’s the man who was helping him who takes them all out and helps Damian escape, Damian’s trust in him was somewhat justified.

    So thinking critically, not just taking Batman at his word, sure, it led to some bad things, but on the other hand, Damian helped bring down a pretty huge threat ot Gotham and Bruce Wayne, by not being so close minded as Bruce. Even if he fumbled it in the end, but, he’s a child. He did pretty well for someone without the understanding of depth an adult would have.

    And what’s Batman’s excuse then? He missed the obvious in the film also, even more than Damian did, and no one blames him for it at the end.

    I’m not saying that kids should disobey their parents, or that Damian was wise to do it. But Batman gave him no reason to think he really cared about him, and in the end, it’s just heartbreaking that you can understand Damian’s lack of trust and feeling secure in the Bat-home. Nightwing is a better father figure than Bruce is.

    Granted, people object to how Damian talks to Nightwing also.

    And that is the one thing I disliked about Damian, initially. Honestly, I don’t care that he sassed Batman, because Bruce really has it coming with the way he acts towards him, but Dick tries to be nice, and Damian is still pretty rude to him.

    And constantly reminding him that he is the “blood son.”

    However, after I inspected it a bit more closely, I did understand why Damian felt the away.

    The first movie with Damian (The Son of Batman), centers around a plot where Slade wants to take Damian’s place as the heir of the Assassins group. Slade being the non “blood” son to the group, and Damian having the ‘rightful’ claim.

    From Damian’s upbringing, he’s taught to value blood ties above other ties, and so it’s actually understandable that he assumes he has more value than Dick, right off the bat, because he’s the blood son.

    And sure, he’s wrong, but the funny thing is, in the majority of cultures in the world that attitude is still considered pretty normal. Dick would be a second class member of the family in most societies, and it’s only because the West is different (now) that we find the idea so abhorrent.

    But Damian is not an American, and was not raised that way, so expecting him to understand this, when again, Batman never sits him down and tells him any different, is kind of stupid.

    Come out think of it, I have to acknowledge that it’s because I actually work in childcare and have read a lot of books about kids, that I understand not to expect them to just get it. The average viewer, who may never have interacted with any child other than their siblings and classmates, and who probably has no interest in kids, is going to miss this and just assume Damian is monster because he likes being that way.

    But you can’t know what you haven’t been taught. Most of us would think no different if we weren’t told otherwise. How many kids understand the idea of ‘adoption’ at a young age? Most of them have to mature into it over time. And that’s even in America and other Western countries where it’s normalized to have non-blood related family members.

    So yeah, while he’s a jerk about it, it makes sense.

    And on the other hand, he does grow out of it. He comes to care about Nightwing and to respect him, even going so far as to awkwardly try to praise his decisions in “The Judas Contract” movie, and later in “Apokalips War” he even tried to save his life (not very successfully, but that’s not the point). And I think he also grows out of it in the comics.

    And Nightwing, who is by far the best male character in these movies, actually seems to understand that he can’t take all this personally.

    He tells Starfire in the “Teen Titans vs. Justice League” film that Damian has never had areal childhood or known how interact with kids, or anyone. And he seems to feel sorry for him.

    But maybe that’s because he can see where Damian’s urge to prove himself, and to not look weak, and to find value in things that he was told are valuable, is coming from. And understands he’d probably be no different if he was in his shoes. They do eventually reconcile and get along a lot better.

    And since I’m already on the Teen Titans, let’s look at how Damian handles them.

    Damian Wayne Vs. Blue Beetle (uploaded by Damian Wayne Stuff]

    Yeah, things get off to a rocky start.

    Not helped by the fact that Batman assigns Damian to the Titans in order to basically have someone else deal with the problem he apparently cannot seem to correct himself. (imagine that.)

    Damian is already mad about this when he joins, so he does take it out on Blue Beetle. And is rude to Starfire, and Raven.

    However, Raven is not really fooled by this and states that she thinks Damain is “sad.”

    Which seems odd, since he never acts sad, until we consider that the events of the previous movies had him leaving home because he didn’t feel he belonged, coming back only to save his ungrateful father from his crazy mother, and then sticks around for lack of anywhere else to go, and then getting chewed out for disobeying orders. Which, yeah, he did, but Batman didn’t really ‘nuture’ him at all to give him more faith in his judgement. (Frankly, considering how often Damian, or Nigthwing, has to bail Batman out in these movies, you can’t really blame him for thinking he shouldn’t follow his orders. Batman seems to get himself nearly killed a lot.)

    And the records shows Batman doesn’t trust him, so Damian’s feeling like he’s being shoved to the side probably makes sense.

    On top of that, he’s being sent to people he doesn’t know and doesn’t like and is basically alone all over again.

    So yeah, maybe he is “sad.”

    Doesn’t stop him from challenging Jaime (Beetle) to a duel just to prove he’s tough.

    And people also hate Damian for starting this, but challenging people is just kind of how the assassins raised him. He had to fight all the time, and it was how you earned respect and your place in the group. He approaches everything the same way in life. A lot like modern gangs do in the intercity. But when was he ever taught otherwise? Batman didn’t teach him, for sure.

    And after it goes disastrously wrong, and Raven steps in to heal him, Damian does regret how he acted. Especially after Raven tells him he should make things right. Which he does, sort of.

    [“Damian Tries to thank Raven for healing him, but the conversation ends badly” — uploaded by Earth’s Mightiest Heroes]

    Now this is after one day.

    Honestly, most kids with his issues wouldn’t come around that quickly. It shows that underneath the arrogance, Damian is able to see he was wrong, and has before, in the other movies.

    But his first instinct is to be defensive because people are always either trying to kill him, or they’re accusing him of something. Which happens again here.

    But once he realizes that Jaime wasn’t really so bad, and the others are okay, and that Raven is cool, he feels a little less threatened.

    Once someone does anything nice for him, he always begins to be more grateful and to warm up to them.

    Which says a lot about how hungry for love and acceptance Damian must have been.

    And once he and the Titans fight together, he realizes that they could make a decent team and decides to give the whole idea a try, finally.

    The nice thing is, unlike with Batman, he’s not constantly being overshadowed here and told he’s wrong.

    In one of the scenes that pissed people off about him, he talks to Starfire about Raven and saying that they should know more about her, and that he doesn’t think just ‘having faith’ in people is a good approach to life.

    Starfire is mad at him over invading her privacy (and that’s justified), but tells him she just thinks that Raven needed a home, just like the others.

    Damian is not convinced.

    [Damian vs. Starfire leader debate– uploaded by TheManDeeDubs.]

    But once eha ot rmeo that he ilatl jsti talked to Raven, and told her he saw Trigon (not know it was him) in her mind, and he knew osemiot was off, and Ravne flat out fiu to answer his questions (Which wahsioasn fair since she knew his secrets after their midn meld but I Can’ lbns her for not want ot tell him her dad was a demon).

    So yeah, I mean, that would raise a red flag for most people. Damidn’t stupid, he knew she was hiding something bad.

    But interestingly, he doesn’t tell Starfire what he saw. Whether it’s because he respects Raven’s privacy, or because he doesn’t trust Starfire, it’s still a notable choice.

    And his point to Starfire, while rudely put, isn’t wrong. You road should be vetting people with weird, magical powers who never tell you anything about themselves, before you just let hem hang around your group of other young and vulnerable teenagers…sorry Starfire, but that’s just common sense.

    I’m also not against taking people in, of course, but Damian’s point is a fair one. Granted, Starfire can make the choice to allow Raven in anyway, and the others can all make the choice to stay in the Titans,if not knowing doesn’t bother the others.

    But if Damian wants to know before he risks his life and health hanging around these people, then isn’t that fair? I mean he’s being forced to live here, and if he is worried about someone else who lives there, isn’t that valid? He’s been kidnapped enough times to be worried about any mystery girl what magical powers who won’t tell him why she’s there.

    Granted, he doesn’t dislike Raven, but he knows that people can come after you if you have powers. Or a past. And he wants to know what he’s getting into.

    Now put like that, it sounds reasonable.

    Damian is bad at explaining himself. However, Starfire later admits he was probably right once Raven’s past does almost get them all killed.

    See, I take less issue with Damian’s lack of communication skills because I expect no different from someone with his background. It’s not like he was ever taught how to talk to people. In his history, being strong and forceful was all that was needed. And that’s what he is.

    When he does show a softer side, he’s nervous about it.

    There’s a good scene with him and Raven, right before Trigon attacks, where after he gives a little girl a toy sword he won at the carnival, Raven tells him that he doesn’t even know this about himself, but the has a “kind and generous soul”.

    Damian just looks at her weirdly.

    [“Raven reads Damian’s Heart” — uploaded by Earth’s Mightiest Heroes]

    Of course, this is the first time anyone’s ever told him that.

    Because most people assume he’s a jerk. But when I looked at the other movies, I thought Raven was right. And Damian was always that way. Sure he didn’t know how to show it and he didn’t really have room to express while he was in the assassin’s group, but he is show to worry about this family, to want to protect them, to take pity on people when he feels safe doing so, and to regret it when he endangers them by accident.

    And in the second Teen Titan film, “The Judas Contract” there’s a scene that no one ever talks about when they complain about Damian, where he is talking to Terra.

    He’s suspicions of Terra at this point–with good reason– but instead of accusing her of things in the scene, he actually tries to sympathize with her about not fitting in, and attempts to find out what’s bothering her.

    This is unusual behavior from Damian, and shows he’s gotten more comfortable being kind, in his own weird way. Sure he’s awkward about it, but he’s not mean.

    And when he thinks Slade is attacking Terra, he tries to defend her.

    After he finds out Terra was a traitor, he even tries to warn her that it won’t work, instead of accusing her of being an awful person, because he knows how manipulative Slade is.

    It doesn’t work…but I fail to see how that makes Damian a jerk.

    He also begins to show respect for Starfire and Nightwing both in this film. And while he is still annoying in how he expresses concern for the team, he is worried about the team, and it shows in his actions.

    All this taken into consideration, I really think Damian Wayne is a good character.

    I don’t have time ot go into any more examples in detail, but we see little signs of him being caring in other films, comforting his father after Superman’s death, worries about his father’s love life (which is a weird scene, but I blame Talia for that), and in the Justice League Dark movie, he’s a pretty solid team member.

    3. Why I personally think Damian is an important character type.

    This is probably going to be the most subjective part of this, because, it’s more based on my experience than on just the movies themselves. But here goes:

    I like Damian’s character for another reason. Simply put, he reminds me of me a lot.

    When I was the same age as him, I was always getting in trouble for mouthing off to my father, for questioning authority, and for being rude and overly harsh, according to some people.

    Not everyone felt that way, but I rubbed a lot of adults the wrong way. And I didn’t always get along with my peers either.

    And a lot of it was for the same reason that Damian doesn’t. I just didn’t know how.

    I wasn’t really mean on purpose.

    I treated my father that way because, as I’ve said before on this blog, he was a jerk to me. And my mother, and my sisters. I didn’t respect him because he constantly disrespected us and devalued us and treated us like his servants. So I fought back the only way I know how.

    And since he was bigger and stronger than me, the only way I really could. I couldn’t fight with him, and if I even tried, he’d just threaten me into submission…so being defensive and snarky was the only way I could vent my frustration, and it never really worked.

    I’m not surprised it didn’t work now, but I don’t know what else I could have done back then, even so. Reason never worked on my father either, even when I tried to do the mature thing.

    And because so many adults assumed the worst bout me, I got very defensive for many years.

    I was always offending people without knowing it, according to them. And nothing I did ever seemed to change their minds, not even if I apologized.

    So I got tired of it and shut down to them emotionally. I even stopped talking, basically, because I could never think of what would be safe to say. And usually it didn’t really matter what I said.

    And because of the way I was treated, I often can’t tell when people are making fun of me, or when they’re criticizing, or just teasing in a good natured way. So I can be overly sensitive.

    I’m much better about it now, but it’s been 12-14 years…

    So when I see a character like Damian, I know how realistic it is for him to act the way he does. He hasn’t had the time to mature and experience the different types of people that I have, and he has the intelligence to know he’s being teat unfairly, like I did, but not the emotional maturity to know how to shake it off. Which really only comes with age, you have to practice it, it can’t happen overnight.

    And like Damian, I tended to latch onto people who were nice to me, because it was so rare. And I can be fiercely loyal and defensive of those people, since I can’t take it for granted.

    While I realize that I need to grow still, I know that where I started from, essentially, wasn’t that different from Damian.

    But I know also that I had a good heart back then. I was generous and willing to help people. But I sucked at expressing it. The friends I did have probably just knew that about me.

    And it’s hard to know what people want to hear, if you’ve never heard it yourself, I might add.

    Like it’s hard to know people want you to encourage them, if you’ve never been encouraged by your parents in a normal way.

    Or to know that being too brutally honest with people can be a turn off, if that’s how you’ve been spoken to your whole life, or worse.

    So, for what I was working with, I might have been doing pretty well, but other people didn’t know this about me, so I got judged a lot for it.

    I guess that’s why it bothers me to see people talk about characters the same way. Because, people talked about me that way, so I know it’s real.

    And there are real kids who are like that, they don’t mean any harm, but they have no idea how to act.

    I’m not by any means saying Damian is a perfect angel who’s just misunderstood. I know he has problems, just like real kids like him do.

    But they’re not the monster people say they are. They’re misled, and misdirected human beings, but often, they can be the best kind of people once they mature.

    I could easily believe Damian would surpass both Bruce, and Dick, even, when he matures. Because he shows the signs of becoming a more caring person, under the trauma and defensiveness, and he would do well in the right environment. Which is why in the Teen Titans, he grows more in a few months than he did with Batman for years. Because he is allowed to grow. And he’s encouraged to be kinder by them, instead of it being seen as weak.

    And probably because he’s around Dick, the only male figure in his life who doesn’t berate him all the time.

    So yeah, that’s my take on Damian Wayne. He’s a good character, who is mishandled by the writers so that fans dislike him. a better writing staff would know how to make his good points more obvious to the audience, but, as it is, there are people who get it and fend him, and I salute them.

    And for the people who give real life kids like that a chance, and understand where they’re coming from, I salute you too. I try to be that kind of person myself.

    So, until next time, stay honest– Natasha.

    [If you’re interested in reading my attempt at writing Damian’s character, or other superheroes stories, check out my fan fic on Wattpad under Natasha Queen/worldwalkerdj. https://www.wattpad.com/story/307445603-justice-league-worldcrossed]

    Back to talk about Anxiety (and change).

    / toseealife / Leave a comment

    I’m back!

    Whew, it has been a while.

    What can I say? Life happens.

    Since I last wrote on here, I’ve changed jobs, finished my interpreting course, started volunteer interpreting, and completed a few more fan fic. (Check them out on Wattpad, @worldwalkerdj. If you’re interested in my fiction. Which is probably better than my non fiction in my opinion, but I’m biased towards fiction.)

    What to talk about today…

    Maybe I should talk about Anxiety, that’s always a popular topic.

    With all the changes listed above, I’m sure some people already could imagine how anxiety inducing it could be… and you have no idea.

    Anxiety is something I’ve struggled with since I was a kid. Unlike many people, it was not triggered in my teen years, or by poor health and life habits, though, I’m sure that plays a part.

    For me, anxiety was just how my life was, after 5 or 6. Before that, I don’t remember having it, I was a pretty bold kid at 3 and 4, the earliest I can remember.

    My anxiety surfaced partially because of an overactive imagination, and partly because I think of things my father told me as a young kid. But also, as a Christian, I’ve always assumed it’s spiritual too.

    Whatever the case, it was quite crippling from age 11-13, and since then, I’ve been battling it.

    The interesting thing is that, no one ever suspects this about me.

    I know because people have told me many times that I seem confident, even courageous (more of a church word), and tough.

    I have not seen myself this way for very long, I never understood what they saw in me.

    While I was bold enough about some things, I know myself and my fears so well, that I assume they are obvious to other people.

    But perhaps that’s not the case. Honestly, I’ve found with others, I often can’t see their fear of something until they tell me, because they’ve learned to mask it, and I suppose I’ve learned the same.

    Also, like many of us, I was taught to overthink about my actions and behavior and personality, by mean spirited people who told me I was wrong for being the way I am.

    (I certainly don’t believe that I’m perfect, or that I don’t need to improve, but the way some people tear you down, you know they’re not really trying to help you, just make you feel bad.)

    I was thinking after I logged on here, that I was 16 when I started this blog, and I’m 25 now. I haven’t kept it up consistently.

    Anxiety probably had something to do with that also, I started to feel like no one would care what I have to say. After all, I have no degree (yet), and I have no big success story to tell to prove I’m credible.

    Personally, I even get annoyed with all these bloggers and YouTube influencers who act like they know what they’re talking about, but they really don’t. How am I any different than them?

    Well, I can’t prove to you all I am. But one thing I will never do here is lie about where I’m at, or how successful I am. I figure it won’t do anyone any good for me to be fake, and it won’t help me either.

    And if I do know what I’m talking about, it’s because I’ve had to walk all this out, as a regular woman, living in this century, with the same challenges as many others. I might be young still, but I’ve had plenty of difficulty for my age.

    I’m not entitled, and I’m not angry at everyone, but I have my frustrations, and issues.

    I used to write this blog with the assumption that my ideas were usually right, and that I was explaining them well. Now if I read my old posts, I’ll cringe. But it’s not really my fault, at 16, all of us are unpolished, if I was reading someone else’s writing, I’d be judging it by how good it was consider how little experience they ahd, and I Think I wasn’t too bad, then, for my age.

    But I’m too old now to use that as an excuse, even if I wanted to do mediocre work, here or anywhere else.

    I’ve learned a few things since then.

    One: I write way too long posts.

    I wish I could say I was just that self aware, but it’s really because since I started working more, I realized how time consuming it is to read something 4,000 words long. I’ve been blessed with the ability to write thousands of words daily, easily, but, then, I’ve also been blessed with the free time to attempt that, and not everyone is.

    Two: I should branch out what I write about.

    It’s honestly nice that I could actually share work stories and other stuff now. Though I still like analyzing content and may do that still.

    What does this have to do with anxiety?

    Well, see, I get worried about all this. I figured I’d never be a popular writer or blogger because I like unpopular topics. But, you know, in a lot of ways, blogging was more to help me grow as a writer than it was because I thought I’d be a popular blog.

    I figure, it doesn’t matter anymore. I should just write what I know.

    And hey, I know a lot.

    I’m the type to always feel like I’m not doing enough with my life (one of the things I’ve been anxious about).

    And hey, adding the pressure of blogging again may not even be necessary, but I’m taking a break from classes, so I should have something to do when Im’ not working on creative stories and job stuff, right?

    But, the thing is, for someone with a lot of free time, I do keep pretty busy. And I think the pressure I feel is because I was always told I was special and smart growing up, and I always wanted to do something meaningful to impact the world.

    Whether it’s being the first writer to really commit to making Christian fan fiction a thing.

    Or it’s finding a career that’s meaningful and personally, one on one.

    Whatever it is, I wanted to feel like I did something really important with my life.

    And all the cliches about small things mattering, they are true, but they aren’t always comforting.

    I can’t say I’ve figured out yet how to be satisfied with everything, but, I’m getting better at it. And as I do, my anxiety has decreased.

    I could devote a whole separate post to how my social anxiety has changed or grown or shrunk over the years, but that would take a lot longer to delve into.

    The point I’m making is, in 9 years, I’ve changed a lot, but in many ways, I have not changed at all. I still want most of the same things I did then, and I still believe the same things I did, I just have a deeper understanding now.

    And my fears have changed, they have not gone away, and some of them are the same, and some, I hope, are mostly gone.

    It’s also been 5 years since I started recovering from the abusive situation I was in with my father. My father and I have spoken more times, and we’re on fairly good terms considering.

    The reason I reopened community with him, was, other than God told me to, also that I knew I would never lose my fear of what happened, if I didn’t face it.

    The same reason, maybe, that though I have mild to moderate acrophobia (fear of heights), I somehow always want to climb a mountain, do an obstacle course in the trees (Treerunner, it’s in Michigan, check it out if you ever go that way), or otherwise rock climb in higher spots. Sure, it scares me and I hate it at first…but eventually, I feel stronger because I faced it.

    This is old advice, but in a day where we’re told to coddle ourselves and that our fear is an excuse to quit because something is too hard, old advice about it is the best advice.

    Let me tell you all, I would never have the job I have now, have finished the stories I did, or done any of the other things, if I listened to my feelings and if I told myself “it’s okay, it’s too hard right now for me.”

    It’s just the truth.

    You may feel that you’re too afraid to do something now, but, I promise, it does not get easier if you put it off. Honestly, I dreaded those things more the more I put them off.

    I also found that once you commit to doing something, you can find ways to make yourself feel better about it.

    Like when I first called my dad, I had other people with me for morals support.

    When I had to job hunt again, I finally used a website to help me make my resume better, and I watched a YouTuber for advice about how to interview. (Advice with Erin if you want to know.)

    Or how I was anxious about making new friends, but I still invited people to hang out with me and join the life group I’m in at my church, and it worked out.

    It’s still hard sometimes, and nothing is perfect…and that used to scare me. Sometimes it still does, but I’ve learned that I can press on through the disappointment, and eventually, it gets better again.

    If I quit because I didn’t feel ready, I’d never have even tried. And I wouldn’t have succeeded. I don’t win every time, but I win more when I try to then when I do nothing.

    All this is, again, old advices, but I’m telling you, it works. Probably why i’ts such old advice.

    And no, that doesn’t make it easy to follow. I’ve realized that all this has to be walked out individually.

    I had all the advice about conquering fears in my head from a young age, but you have to build up your strength. I figured that out finally. What works for me may not work for everyone as quickly or completely, but it does work.

    What does not work, is excuses. And I’ve used plenty, but they never made me feel better. Actually, they lowered my self esteem. You start to feel damaged, and like you’ll never be whole and able to live the way you want.

    But that’s the fear talking, and fear, as Dostoevsky said, “is a lie.” (The Brothers Karamazov).

    Or as the Crane Wives sang in their song:

    “No amount of waiting will make you brave, no amount of fear will keep you safe.”

    [Keep you Safe– The Crane Wives.]

    It’s all true, but it’s hard to live by.

    But that doesn’t make it okay for us not ot try.

    Things are hard…all things are hard if they’re important. At least some of the time. But they are not always hard, for all of the time.

    Some things that used to be hard for me, are not hard now.

    Like saying “I love you.” It was hard, but now it’s mostly easy.

    Or talking to boys. That’s been easy for years, but it wasn’t for a long time.

    Or driving. I’ve been afraid of it a lot of times, but I’ve always kept getting behind the wheel, and now it’s much easier.

    These are small things, but I think big things have also gotten less hard for me. Anyway, what’s a big challenge is relative to everyone.

    So yeah, I practice what I preach.

    I think that’s about all I got for now. If you’re back, thanks, I know it was a long wait.

    Or if you’re new, welcome.

    And as always, Stay honest– Natasha Queen.

    So I called my dad after nearly 3 years…

    / toseealife / Leave a comment

    I keep trying to post and then getting distracted…go figure.

    But I’ve had a lot going on, trying to enter a writing contest, finishing books, working, trying to finish my school courses, and planning a vacation.

    But excuses aside, I do have something a bit more unusual to post about.

    Those of you who’ve read my older posts from the last four years probably recall that I had the experience of ending an abusive situation, in a very unusual way, and have been dealing with the repercussions of that, therapy, and trying to build new relationships.

    I’ve said before that I don’t hate my father, but I do not know where the future will take us.

    This month, I finally decided to do something I’ve been thinking about for probably nearly 3 years, and call him.

    I haven’t talked to him since he tried to use a family memorial to manipulate my sympathy with, and since we talked to him when he had a mild heart attack. I’ve thought about it, but just couldn’t bring myself to yet. I didn’t feel secure in not being dragged back into that cycle.

    Often people do reconcile with their family after splitting, and they mention that it happened, but very few talk about how the process went in detail, I thought maybe my impression after it might be useful to someone.

    My Dad is not the kind of abusive that makes the news and shocks people, though it does surprise some people I’ve spoken to, so talking to him is not really dangerous for me to do, just awkward.

    But my past with him was not all bad memories, though it was certainly very few good ones after a certain age.

    I can’t explain what really went wrong on his end, or what he really thinks, I’m not sure he even knows.

    But for me, I decided it wasn’t something I wanted to deal with or be responsible for anymore.

    But I didn’t want to be that girl who never talks to her father either because of old resentments.

    I’ve met people like that. People have said repeatedly to protect myself and that I don’t owe him anything. My family, aside from his relatives, have mostly not put pressure on me to reconnect.

    So with a clear head, I knew I was making this choice for myself, but I was never against it one day.

    I think at some point you have to choose what you want. Our current culture glorifies cutting people off and not giving them second chances. It glories self love–and we have a loneliness and mental health epidemic.

    It’s not very biblical, but I’ve heard Christians say the same things.

    The Bible does warn us that in the last days (any day after Christ’s ascension), sin will abound and love for many people will grow cold.

    Sins ares so easy to see, with our media, that peopl allow it to kill love before it has time to even really mature.

    I don’t regret making the choice to try to still love my dad even in the years he was making me miserable, deliberately. The fact is, loving him despite that was what gave me any power to not be ruined by his attitude. He didn’t make me into another version of himself, because I chose to forgive and stay open to love, though I was scarred and I have had ot unlearn a lot of habits.

    That said, I was hesitant to call him because I knew from watching and listening to other people in m situation, that contact with the person in the cycle is the most likely thing to pull you back into it. It’s like people have their own relational gravity, that pulls you either up or down the scale of bad to good behavior.

    But I’ve gotten more and more upbeat and somewhat more confident in the last couple years, and I thought it might be time to test how much I had changed.

    I want to be honest with you all reading this. I won’t sugarcoat it and I won’t exaggerate how bad it was either. All I have is my honest thoughts of what happened.

    Perhaps the drama queens reading this will be disappointed to know there was nothing explosive about our conversation.

    He was teary at first, then we spent most of it talking about our lives, and the only really serious thing I wanted to say was that if I was going to keep in touch, I didn’t want to waste any time fighting, or arguing.

    I also told him I’m not looking for apologies. I just want to talk about normal stuff and see how it goes.

    I think most people who have been through this will get it, but to those who haven’t who might wonder why I don’t want to hear the words “I’m sorry”, let me explain:

    My dad is a textbook narcissistic abuser. He’s emotionally manipulative in the way that messes with your head. Who knows if it’s intentional or not at this stage, I think someone as old as him might have been this way so long they can’t tell the truth anymore–I hope so. If he does it knowingly, that’s just worse.

    But what this means is that periodically for me, growing up, and for my mom long before that, he would make a big confession to either her or us all as a family, of how he knew he’d been doing all these things wrong, and he would admit his flaws (usually he’d be on point about them), and say he was going to try to change.

    As a Christian, he would also say God convicted him about it.

    I note now, looking back, that he never said it was by the grace of God that he could change, which is a red flag for a Christian, to think our own effort will be enough.

    The first time he did this where I could hear him, I thought he meant it. I soon learned that he didn’t.

    Fast foward to now, he told me the same things over the phone.

    He did seem older, and more tired than in the past, but then, he could do that before. Most of my big memories of him are him yelling at me, but he could be contrite too. It felt weird to be on the receiving end of it though.

    I told my sisters afterward, who are used to this also, that I knew better than to buy it because if he had me under his power again, I knew it would be the same as before, or worse even. What he would do to me to make me pay for all this, I can only imagine.

    But if I don’t put myself in that position with him, I probably have nothing to fear. As long as I have control of this interaction, he will probably be respectful.

    But the question is, if I don’t believe it’s genuine, and I can’t trust him, what is the point of us talking at all?

    I’m also well aware that his family has a history of not speaking to each other for a long time, and then crawling back and pretending to reconcile, only to fight and argue again

    So I could be part of a repetitive cycle here if I’m not careful. The whole thing is a mine field.

    So why bother then?

    I’m still working on answering that. But I do think one part of it is, just shutting down and cutting off is the kind of thing he would do to me, and I don’t want to be the same.

    At the end of it all, I don’t want to be the one they said didn’t try or didn’t give it her A-game. I believe in love and forgiveness, not spite and grudgeholding. It’s not about my dad deserving that from me, it’s about wanting to be the kind of person who goes above what is deserved.

    I may never get what I want, but I don’t want that to be because I didn’t try.

    I do not think just distance alone will change this relationship, I think you have to build new inroads, and redefine how you do things, if you really want change.

    It’s a two way street, I’m not saying I intend to bend over backwards to get his approval, I don’t think I’m even trying to get his approval much now. I suppose I still wish he was pleased with me, it’s only natural to wish that, but his praise doesn’t mean anything to me. He’s proven too many times that it will evaporate as soon as he gets angry about anything.

    However, what does concern me is the amount of temptations that popped up in my mind in the two weeks after talking to him, three weeks now, to rehash the past. I was willing to leave it alone while I wasn’t talking, but now that I have, I think of all the things I wanted to say to him over the years, and couldn’t.

    And I now know are unwise to say. Don’t cast your pearls before swine. It’s not much good giving someone wisdom that they won’t listen to, or will twist into something else.

    People write about telling off abusers, and that’s cathartic–until you try it. The bible warns us that anger towards an angry or evil person just makes them worse, and that is true. I had moments of standing up for myself in the past, and my dad would seem to listen briefly, but then it would be gone a few days later and he’d double down.

    So what can I say or do that has any meaning? At first, I just wanted to be able to have a civil conversation. Can I get carried away and hope to restore decades of lost relationships?

    No, I’m not God.

    So what is my part here? I don’t know.

    I can’t lie and say this is an easy situation. When you’re dealing with someone who can’t even meet you in the middle, because they have no idea what that middle is, it’s tricky. You don’t want to carry the burden on your own shoulders, but you know that they won’t carry an equal amount. That’s not even how love really works.

    I realize, writing this, that this affects my perception of my life overall. I often ask myself if what I’m doing makes any real difference, because, like with my Dad, I don’t get to see any results. I can try, and try, and never know if a thought even sticks in someone else’s mind.

    And even if I’m told it did, I don’t believe it, because my dad would tell me that, and then contradict it a few days later.

    As you can imagine, I have serious trust issues because of that double sided aspect of him.

    So why open myself up to that again?

    It’s not easy, and it’s not something I would do in large doses, but at a smaller level, is it worth it to try?

    Maybe just for personal satisfaction. My dad will not be around forever. When he passes on, do I want to have a clear conscience that he had every chance I could give him to be a better dad?

    Not that I need his help, now. That’s not what this is about. But someone needs a way to redeem themselves sometimes, or they will never dare to try. And I think people should get a chance to try, if they truly want it.

    I can’t say if he does, but is that my call to make? As a human with limited perception?

    Those are the questions that keep me from calling it quits entirely. Not that I would be open to more abuse. But in a safer zone, I would be open to some redemption or reconciliation of some nature happening.

    Another reason I have is just that, in situation like this, where you have generations of cycles to break, you won’t change a thing by doing nothing. Taking myself out of it is something that protects me, but not anyone else. Trying to change it has the potential to stick with someone, maybe it won’t be my dad. But maybe it’s something someone else in the family could look at, and say “I don’t want ot keep doing this crap either. I’d rather just stop the cycle of abuse. And resentment.

    I’m still learning about this. I can’t tell you all it will work out for sure. And if it doesn’t, I think I will be honest about that.

    But there are things that haven’t been tried yet, that could be tried, before I just assume that it won’t work. And if those don’t work, then I know for sure.

    The Bible says that love endures all things and hopes all things, and it never fails. That doesn’t mean that you will never see someone fail in learning to love. That happens.

    But I believe it means, that when you make love your protection and shield and your way of life, it will never fail to change your life and make it better. You may fail to get through tos oem people who have hard hearts, but you will not become like them. And most of us fear being the bad guy even more than we fear what the bad guy can do to us. We don’t want to be poisoned by our past.

    I am not perfect, but I can tell you all today, that in the last few years, I have vastly changed how I approach people, how I love them, and I’ve learned to let a lot of things go that used to irritate me for a long time. I tripped over a lot of things at first, but I kept pressing towards love, and gradually, I began to be more graceful with it.

    I would also like to tell anyone who is thinking about making this journey a few things:

    1. You will not get a lot of encouragement from the world. People will tell you you’re wasting your energy trying to be loving towards the unlovely. And if you are leaving yourself wide open for pain, that’s not okay–but if you’re just remaining soft, and not bitter or vindictive, that’s your choice. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you to get even or to cut people off who you can safely still be around, but they think you shouldn’t bother with.

    2. The anger does go away. I’ve not only stopped feeling angry at my dad, and many other people, over what happened; but I’ve stopped getting angry as easily in general because of the choice to forgive and try to set a better pattern. You may feel the anger never stops, but it can. And I’m naturally a grudge holder, so trust me, if I can change that, you can.

    3. The pain does get better. I’ve been through it, the depression, anxiety, fear that my life will be ruined, the aching from not being loved or treated well. And it does come back, sometimes, still. But it’s not everyday, and it’s not overpowering. I also have learned to see signs of love where I did not before, and to see people mean well, even when I don’t feel a connection with what they are saying. I’m also more okay with feeling pain now, as long as it’s clean sadness, and not bitterness. I’m okay with crying about a movie where there’s a father who’s more kind and loving than mine has ever been, and letting that make me more aware of what I want and what I seek in God, instead of resenting that I didn’t have it in earth. But that is also a choice and it took a while to feel that way.

    4. You will embarrass yourself. This is a hard one for me. I hate looking like I don’t know something…but, the reality is, I don’t know naturally, that much about healthy love. I have to learn it step by step, and at times, it’s extremely awkward to be around much more open people, and to not be able to be that way with them. People with better families than I, who sometimes think I’m cold, because I have no clue how to respond to them. and sometimes, I say things that I think sound normal, only to find that my toxic family dynamic treated as normal what other people think is rude, harsh, cruel, or inappropriate. But, that also gets better. I have learned a lot. I’m still out of my depth sometimes, but I am learning bit by bit. I pray that one day I will be where I want to be, or at least a lot better than I am now.

    5. It takes time. I’ve said this with the others, but it’s something I have to remind myself a lot. I wish it was a fast process, but relearning love and life, it takes years. I’ve had 4 years. I think I’ve done well in that amount of time, but it takes most people 10 or more years to really see the kind of life they want, I think. Depending on the person. I’ve also had to do a lot alone, though I’ve had help sometimes. It varies from day to day. And I’ve had to learn to be okay with not always having help, but sometimes saying I need it.

    So, now that I’ve admitted all that, do I eel better?

    Not really. Dwelling on this stuff is the best way to psych yourself out, which is why I don’t want to write about it too much till I’ve had more time to get self control. Controlling my mood about this stuff has taken a really long time, and it still goes up and down when I get stressed.

    But I can thank God I’m in a much better frame of mind about all this than I used to be. And I snap out of it much faster when I do get in a funk. Everyone gets in a funk sometimes, but we don’t have to stay there.

    So, yeah, for how it went, I’d say about as well as could be expected, and I’ll see where it goes. But that people should take caution about the kinds of temptations that will pop up when you stir up old memories, just because it starts you thinking about the past again.

    So with encouragement and caution, I think I’ll wrap this post up, until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

    Final Flames–A Million in Vermillion

    What Your College Doesn’t Tell You…

    / toseealife / Leave a comment

    I have an anecdote for you today, as some of you may recall, I work at a college, as well as attend classes (online mostly now) to get ready for certification in ASL Interpreting.

    Which is a whole ‘nother story in of itself, but not my focus today.

    I currently work in the writing center, as many colleges have one, as a student tutor.

    The job can be boring when people just want grammar checks and assignments to be signed off, but every so often I get a real zinger that reminds me why I love my job–or hate it, depending how you look at it.

    Just such an occasion happened last week for me during finals. A student was doing an assignment on the topic of banned books.

    He titled it “the war on books.”

    Banned books are an interest of mine, so I was eager to read his paper.

    Until…

    Turns out the student had haphazardly researched what the leftist news cites had to say about parents’ objections to the many LGBTQ+ and political agenda books that are being presented to students.

    Also the objections against Harry Potter and other books that include topics religious people don’t like.

    I was surprised to see “To Kill a Mockingbird” on the list. Usually conservative, the group this student was rather biasedly targeting in his paper, don’t object to that book. I was skeptical that it was them. Mostly it’s the liberals who don’t like Huck Finn or Uncle Tom’s Cabin, other famous books that include some touchy race words and aspects of life, just because they are realistic about it.

    Some people don’t understand the value of historically accuracy when teaching kids about race issues.

    I asked my student about why he targeted only conservatives, and his basic answer was it was what the articles mentioned.

    Not sruspi, they were form liberal owned papers.

    Which is bad journalism, because all political parties object to certain books, not just conservatives, they’re just trying to make it seem like it’s a political party issue, but it’s a issue parents of all backgrounds have.

    I’m not supposed to lecture students, so I had to be careful how I worded my objections, I causally pointed out that the paper had a clear bias ad that it’s not considered responsible writing in college to target people groups.

    “We target ideas not people,” I explianed.

    (This is true, whatever side you’re on you’re supposed to keep it professional in college classes.)

    I learned this myself, and I think it’s helped me as a blogger to not try to call out specific people, though I do complain about the left, on a blog it’s okay to do that, it’s not considered professional formal writing and people expect you to be biased in a blog. I do refrain from slinging insults though.

    The student took this point pretty well from me, so I dared to, after going over some of his professor’s feedback also, broach the subject of his argument itself.

    I asked him “is your position that parents should not be deciding what their children read.”

    “Yes.” he said.

    I had a silent moment of disbelief.

    But I didn’t show it.

    Instead I said that it was good to make his solution clear then, so I asked him “then who should decide it?”

    I kid you not, he went quiet for at least 1.5 seconds, then he said “I didn’t really think of that.”

    I did not say “I could tell from you paper that you didn’t think about it.”

    I just thought it.

    I patiently explained that if you say one person should not decide something, your implicit argument is that someone else should. In this case it would be the school (or perhaps the child themselves, but we were talking about 5th graders, so that was doubtful).

    This student didn’t know it, but I have a pet peeve with college courses about the vial stories they make students read, and many students I speak to agree with me that the stories are awful and they don’t enjoy them. Some of them are borderline pornographic, and I told my English professor they made me uncomfortalbe to read.

    I think college students should sign some kind of waver saying they’re okay with explicit content, or else be allowed to read a story with a senl theme, but less graphic depictions.

    So I’m with parents about objecting to books I would never read myself being shown to kids not even old enough to drive yet.

    The student agreed with my point, and said he hadn’t thought about it that much and he’d have to fix that later. And that he’d fix the biased part.

    Since he seemed openminded, I decided to risk one more point, once we’d gone over some more technical stuff, and our session was nearly over.

    I mentioned that I’d had one of his classmates with this paper subject in earlier in the semester, and we’d talked about it too. And I had asked them if parents should never be able to decide what their kids read, and their answer was kind of noncommittal.

    For context, one of the books mentioned in the article was one that showed sex positions between two gay men–and it would be horrifying if it was between a man and owman also, being shown to kids under 18, the legal age of consent, there is no reason to be showing a book like this, and it wasn’t even to teach sex education, that I understood.

    The article openly admitted this book was objected to because of that, but insisted that the parents were at fault.

    I wonder what they would have said if the teacher had shown the kids a R-rated movie instead.

    I decided to give the student an illustration.

    “For example,” I said. “Would you object to a child whose parents were atheists being forced to read a religious text in school?”

    [The funny thing about this is that’s not even as overt, because plenty of atheists can acknowledge the lessons of religious texts are beneficial, as long as the content is not too explicit. And not all religious texts are about God only, plenty are about people and have useful life lessons.But on principle the parents can object to it if they want.]

    The student immediately said “Yes.” Just like I thought he would.

    But impressively, he also said “I get it, because that’s the same thing.”

    He might have been bad at doing research for his paper, but he wasn’t stupid.

    I agreed that it’s basically the same thing if religious parents don’t want their child taught stuff that goes against their religion.

    And as a Christian, of course I would prefer everyone to learn about the Bible, but I wouldn’t force a Muslim child to read it against their parent’s will. Because I want the same rights to protect my child as they do, and if an exception can be made for me, it can be made for anyone, that’s the danger of hypocrisy.

    As Portia piontes out in Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of Venice”, once you make an exception for one person, no matter how much you like them, it’s a problem because it becomes a precedent for less scrupulous people to use as a loophole to get out of their punishments.

    So why did I share this story?

    Other than I thought it was funny, I also thought it was a good example.

    I’ve been in college for 5 years (because a certificate program takes a long time) and I’ve noticed how the courses are trying to chip away at students’ integrity.

    I know one class that make its student defend the idea that eating someone is okay if the person agree to it, and was drugged so as not to feel it.

    I hope that shocked you and not that you’ve already had to study that case in your class.

    I almost got physically sick when I went over that assignment.

    But I learned something very important, and kind of diablocial, about psychology.

    If you make someone argue for something, even if they hate it, it forces their mind to become a bit more open to it, just by dint of practice.

    It’s like drinking alcohol, at first it’s really bitter, but then you get used to it, and your tastebuds go numb.

    Now if it’s a harmless subject, that’s fine.

    But what if it’s a subject the person really object to morally at first, but by practicing arguing for it, they become more amenable to it.

    You might say “They probably didn’t really object that much then.”

    But that is not true.

    That is exactly how brainwashing works, you make someone accept part of something that is not true, and then you build off of it, till they don’t even realize you changed their mind.

    The real art of counseling is to help people realize that they really think, deep down under the lies they tell themselves.

    The art of brainwashing it to make people believe that they really agree with what you think, deep down, despite their misgivings initially.

    Also the art of gaslighting works that way. Though in both cases, you may not actually believe what you want them to believe.

    Some amount of manipulation goes into all forms of teaching, but a responsib;e teachers knows where to draw the line, just like a responsible parent knows that tricking your kids into eating more greens is very different than tricking them into a career choice they didn’t want. One of these things will not do lasting damage, and the other will.

    And convincing someone to do what  you want willingly, instead of jamming it down their throat, like my mom used to do with food I didn’t want to eat, is a very different skill.

    However, if you force feed someone poison it will still be poison, and it’s still harmful.

    I think the college classes are a mix of both. They force students to read about topics no one should ever be forced to read about.

    Then they have them argue about it, till the students are willing to look at it more laxly.

    Some professors hate this curriculum as much as the students do, but are required to teach it. Their silent protest is making the assignments as short and worth as little points as they can.

    Others love it, because they’ve drunk the Kool Aid that says this is somehow becoming more progressive.

    To go back to my student with the book banning, it’s really not so surprising the poor chump didn’t question his position till I pointed it out. After all, he’s being taught the exact same way by his professors, and it doesn’t occur to him to question it, because in his highschool days, he just had to do whatever the teachers said.

    This is how I think public school teachers kids to be blind followers. Don’t object to anything or you fail the class.

    At least in college our paper can criticize the material if you’re creative about it, so some vent for these feelings is allowed.

    The thing I’ve noticed that’s key to brainwashing, is to make sure no one ever asks why you think this issue is so important.

    As soon as I asked my student who he thought should be making the decision for what kids read, he hesitated. Because maybe deep down, he know that saying it should be the school and not the parents is a very problematic thing to say, without some parameters. Once I pointed out how he’d object to one situation but not the other, he began to see that he had a double standard, or better yet, the articles he read did.

    Not every student can even admit this, some are very stubborn about not thinking out their position. I’ve had a few end our session as soon as they could because they didn’t like what I was saying.

    I admit I’m not perfect as a tutor, but I do hold up students with views like mine to the same standards. I’ve told them plenty of times to be more careful about how they write their argument.

    Even more so because I know professors with leftist leanings, like some I had, will tear their paper apart if they give any opening to do so by sloppy arguing, and they need to be better than the other students, not worse, at being unbiased.

    What your college doesn’t tell you about these issues, like boko banning, or pride, or equality, is that the very first thing you need to ask before you teach anything about this, is why you think it matters.

    See, the assumption that equality is the most important value of life permeates our culture, and most people don’t actually question if it’s valid.

    As long as they don’t, the argument is always going to be on uneven footing, because you’re automatically forced to concede points to the other side.

    And suggesting that there are higher goals than equality gets you a weird look, like that’s crazy, because it is so assumed.

    I do believe in equal rights, but I don’t share the definition of rights that many people do, and I don’t like to argue on their turf until we’ve established what we really think.

    Often my view surprises them because it’s not taught in school.

    Which is my point, school doesn’t teach this stuff.

    Chesterton said that a boy is only sent to school when it is too late to teach him anything. [Orthodoxy, chapter 9]

    The angle in schools is very narrow. It doesn’t teach you all sides of an issue, or even the underlying assumptions of the side it is teaching.

    The point is to teach yo uto spit out the same rhetoric they use, and not think any deeper, or any longer, about it than absolutely necessary.

    And you wonder why the internet is such an echo champ of inane chatter and trolling.

    I wish I could tell you the Left is the only offender, but I’ve seen just as much of it on the Right, only the Right tends to at least hold up the idea of unbiased thinking more than the left does, but often only in name, not practice. And often their approach to issues is just as surface level. Just because I happen to agree with their side more doesn’t mean I don’t see the flaws in their approach.

    I was talking to my sisters and a friend about this earlier this week, and telling them that as much as we like to appeal to rationality for our side, we forget that people do not usually want to be rational.

    They believe things because they are comfortable believing them, and because it’s what everyone else says, and most people don’t go against the flow. If our view was popular, they’d take it, but it’s not.

    In fact on of my favorite tests of faith is to ask if your faith makes you comfortable.

    Mine doesn’t. Some things about it are comforting, but many are challenging and unpleasant, but I’m firmly convinced of their validity despite that. Which shows I do not believe it just to suit my own fancy.

    Granted, I may be ore afraid to stop believing it than I am to accept the unpleasant things, but that also shows genuine faith.

    What is not genuine is when the only fear you have is to consider a different perspective that makes you uneasy period. Not because it’s one that would shake your entire world. People can be just as stubborn about not trusting new companies as they are about new religions, but either might be better than what they currently use, they’ll never know if they can help it.

    What college does not tell you is that sometimes it’s in losing those beliefs that make us comfortable that we find what’s really right for us.

    Stores stopped carrying a coffee brand I liked, which bothered me for months as I had to use a cheaper, much less tasty variety.

    But this dissatisfaction led me to try a new kind of organic coffee that tasted even better than the brand I first lost.

    The point is, someone losing one good thing, and being dissatisfied with the available replacements, leads you to find a better thing in the end.

    Ideas can be the same. Humans are terrible at knowing what’s best for us, and the wisest of us keep that in mind all our lives and are flexible, the foolish of us try to make everyone else agree with our definition of what’s best at all times.

    And I think any religion that doesn’t challenge your idea of what’s best isn’t really a religion, it’s your preference that you put a religious face on. And Christains do this just as much as other religions.

    But the bible at least is clear that it’s not the purest form of our religion to do this, that the best way is to be teachable.

    Now, even so, even an idiot who’s right by sheer accident is better than a genius who’s wrong by deliberately pursuing the wrong thing.

    So I still think it’s better to be a stupid Christian than a smart atheist, because intelligence is not everything, and anyone who thinks it is is already missing a big chunk of their heart.

    Our intelligence, as we call it, is so very small compared to the complexities of the universe, that to feel proud of it is kind of ludicrous. The smartest person in the world can’t explain the real mysteries of life any easier than a stupid person can. Sometimes they have more trouble because they think they can.

    Our intelligence, as we call it, is so very small compared to the complexities of the universe, that to feel proud of it is kind of ludicrous. The smartest person in the world can’t explain the real mysteries of life any easier than a stupid person can. Sometimes they have more trouble because they think they can.

    Even so, I feel compelled to still get involved in these debates.

    It seems small, but the Bible does say, “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” [2 Corinthians 10:5]

    Which is why I write about it also.

    I think it’s about time to wrap this post up (and I’m still recovering from a head cold anyway, starting to feel sleepy), and I think that’s a good closing thought.

    I might write more about this in the future, but I think my overall takeaway is that you can’t let school be your only education.

    You have to dig deeper, school plays to the bare minimum, unfortunately, to the lowest common denominator, and that’s encouraged by a lot of educators now, because no one should ever be made to feel inferior. Even if realistically, some people are not as smart or skilled as others.

    Most people who hate learning, hate it because school does it the wrong way, and would enjoy it if they tried a different approach.

    I believe in learning and self improvement if you can improve. And in growing.

    So yeah, that’s it for today on what your college doesn’t teach you, though some professors, bless ‘em, do try, and I love them for it, but it’s just not enough without the student trying too.

    Until next time, stay honest, –Natasha.

    Well, I was young I was young and naïve Cause I was told Cause I was told so I believed I was told there’s only one road that leads you home And the truth was a cave On the mountain side And I’ll seek it out until the day I die…

    The Wrong Approach to Wokeism.

    / toseealife / Leave a comment

    I’m back finally!

    I’ve been so busy with classes and work and other stuff, it always feels like blogging is at the bottom of my to-do list.

    Might be a short post today anyway.

    So…what should we talk about?

    Something controversial?

    You know me.

    Well, since I’ve been working at my college, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to meet people who have views I don’t agree with…which is a constant source of frustration.

    I know that we have to allow other people to have their opinions, but they don’t seem to feel the same way. It’s annoying to be silenced so quickly if I even start to poke the big balloon of hot air that is most of the opinion people spout off.

    I know the truth is never popular, but the alternative is just scary.

    I guess I confuse people. I’m 24 and half and I live in a Blue state. I shouldn’t have the opinions I do. I should prefer traditional teachings to progressive ones and I shouldn’t prefer the opinion of God to the one of Man.

    But the thing is, before I ever cared about fitting in with my peer group, I cared about truth.

    I feel sorry for my generation, and it’s not just because of the mental health crisis, or the total depravity of sex and everything else that can be corrupted.

    It’s also because I can’t imagine being raised without truth being put first and seeking out the right way to live being a priority.

    What shocks me the most often about other people my age is not that they’re wrong, isn’t that to them, it doesn’t matter whether they are good or not. They have some vague sense that there is astandabe, but they prefer not to care about it.

    I know that’s not new, but that it is so prevalent and no one seems to even feel the need to excuse it now, that is what’s scary.

    I remember when I read the Mr. Miracle Comics by Jack Kirby, one thing that stuck out was when the character in it who ends up waking Scott Free (Mr. Miracle) up to his brainwashed existence mentions to him that he doesn’t really think or have any right to be respected because all he does is have a programmed response to be angry when someone says a certain word or phrase to him, and he doesn’t question it.

    It’s interesting to think of what Kirby probably thought was a dystopian view of society becoming almost the reality for many though not all, people.

    It’s not new to the world, but it is new to us to see it happen in our lifetimes, and I think it’s always shocking to those outside it just how deep it goes.

    Here’s the thing, Wokeism, or whatever you want to call it, is not new.

    It’s not even a creative spin on old ideas.

    It’s just slapping a bunch of new labels on things that have been around for thousands of years and have always tried to defend themselves with whatever words or excuses they could.

    People think that being LGBTQ supportive is a new thing, but the Greeks would use it as part of worship to gods, they’d go even further than we do–at least I hope.

    And rejecting religion is nothing new, it is the movement that has happened before every single fall of a country since history began to be recorded.

    Not a popular fact to point out.

    What always frustrates those of us who see this happen and warn people is that no matter what we do, they will act surprised when it happens. We always think we’re so right, till we’re so wrong.

    “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death,”

    But I am learning a few things about how to reach people like this from having to work around them.

    While it’s only small changes for now, it’s good to learn.

    See, I also find the approach that many people on my side of the politics and faith issue take to be unsatisfying.

    We condemn the people who believe these delusions for believing them, but neglect to remember that they’ve been taught only this most of their lives. That media and schools are on the side of it, and that the government itself is in the back pocket of those groups.

    Considering the weight of societal pressure to agree with them, and the inability to get away from it even in our homes often enough, it’s easy to see why so many people are afraid to disagree.

    Even those who have questions are afraid to voice them.

    And those who scream the loudest tend to drown them out anyway.

    Public protests are our right as citizens I suppose, but I don’t think they work. They might get a few people thinking, but most will only scream louder.

    And now for some truth that no one on my side is going to want to hear:

    In the long run, it’s not going to matter how much we protest.

    The vast majority of young people are indoctrinated by the schools and don’t know how to even reason at all about what they think, because they are not taught to do so.

    I live in it. I would know.

    Even the critical thinking and philosophy classes at colleges are always slanted one way, usually to the Left.

    I notice how the examples they gave us to analyze for logical fallacies were always very weak incomplete or even inaccurate examples of right wing thinking that wouldn’t be what was present by the most educated or well thought out speakers for the side. Probably just college level stuff by people who haven’t learned how to argue yet.

    Which is fine, but then on the Left side, there’s only a very small example of fallacious logic provided and if students aren’t that hard on it, the professors often don’t care.

    And if you dared to ask for errors to be found in hot topic issues…oh forget it. You’d get fired.

    So let’s be realistic people, we’re not going to be able to out yell them.

    The older generation is going to die out and there’s only a minority in the younger one who has different opinions, and a lot of them are too neutered by the culture to even stand up for anything, they’re afraid.

    (Which is so deeply unattractive in the dating pool I might add.)

    But I also don’t think being angry is going to help anything in the long run.

    I’d be the first to say we all have reason to be angry. There’s never any lack of reason to be angry.

    But my question is will it help?

    I think that often, Left or Right, we’d really rather just be able to point at someone else and say they’re stupid and it’s all their fault, then ever try to help them.

    I don’t think we need to apologize for being right, either policitally or literally, and I hate it when people do that.

    But we don’t need to be arrogant about it either.

    Unfortunately, I find just as many poor thinkers on my side of the issue as I do on the other side. Many very smart people buy into the Left because they have never heard the Right presented in an intelligent or compelling way.

    And then you have people who are too smart to really buy it, but too well aware of the consequences of disagreeing to dare to voice that thought to anyone who does support the Left Wing agenda.

    All this together means I think that we really need to reconsider our approach.

    Really on either side, what good is rage doing us?

    The difference is that the Left outnumbers the Right now in America at least, so they don’t need to worry about getting the power, only about keeping it and that’s why they hold us in such contempt. They know we can’t beat them by sheer force. Though they are terrified of going anywhere where we might outnumber them and then they might need a therapy session to deal with the emotional stress of being talked down to.

    (If I needed therapy after every time someone disparaged my worldviews, I’d never be able to work in this country.)

    Anger is justified, but it is not helpful. Foolish people know all about anger, and if you stoop to their level, they’ll drag you down with them.

    I think we should be striking where these young people are actually vulnerable.

    Their opinions may be strong, though ill informed, but that’s about all that is.

    Once you turn someone into nothing more than a mouth for your ideology that you’re pushing them to have no choice but to believe, you take out any kind of self reliance or self respect or courage.

    Anger is a poor replacement for happiness.

    What’s going to get to them is not our reason or logic, because they can’t understand that, they’ve never been taught to.

    But what might get through is if we’re happier and more confident people.

    I’ve stood out among my peers as the person who’s sure of herself, and while some of them have openly despised me for it, they know it’s not like them.

    While I never set out to really be this person on purpose, once I realized I am that person for better or worse, I had to ask why.

    I consider the way I live to be normal. Trying to come to the right conclusions about things and to live in a way that promotes the most happiness in myself and the least regrets about my actions.

    In other words to do as I think God has said we should do, and hope for the best, while preparing for the worst when necessary.

    I never thought that was novel till I heard other people talk about their lives.

    I never realized that what I believe made me happier just because I really believe it, and conviction gives you a sense of purpose that other people don’t have.

    And I think I’d like to ask this generation some questions now that I feel are going unasked.

    1. Why do you believe what you do?

    And I mean why do you really believe it?

    Most of us who call ourselves born again Christians had a conversion experience where we had a realization that it was true and that we needed it or we wouldn’t be able to live freely, or live at all in some cases. So many of us are pulled back from the brink of suicide or self destructive lifestyle.

    I would like to know where this is in the secular side of things. Why do you feel so strongly that it’s true.

    If you had to pick a reason other than it’s what everyone teaches and supports and assumes it’s true what would you pick?

    1. How does your belief make you a better person?

    Do your beliefs prompt you to think about who you are? Do you make people’s lives better? Would you say you’re a more gracious or forgiving person? Do you do more nice things for others? Do you defend people who are being picked on, no matter who they are or what their beliefs are?

    Do you try to be fair, do you try to be honest, do you have any ideals that are about personal excellence and ot public approval?

    Because it is so easy to get by in the world if you just give it lip service. It doesn’t care about your heart. The world will not be there for you if you are miserable and downcast and in financial trouble.

    There’s not one jot of charity in the LGBT movement to anyone but themselves, unless it’s just as a bonus because some people in it who care about other things too (and I won’t say it’s not good when there is, it’s just rare.)

    The Pride movement doesn’t promote better grades or better understanding of hard subjects. They promote acceptance, but often can’t even define what it is.

    It’s more like a void is trying to be filled with morals and ethics, but when you look at it, the actual guidance for ethical living is pretty small.

    3. What in your worldview tells you how to be a good person?

      I mean a really good one. Not just accepting and supportive.

      • What comforts you when you go through something hard? And what meaning is there in pain or suffering?
      • What is the best reason to believe what you believe in?
      • What should people care most about in life?
      • What world would you want to grow up in, if you could?

      All of these questions are the ones that we really need answered.

      My conclusion is that only by teaching people love and truth together can we really teach them at all.

      Truth is precious but very little valued by people unless they think it benefits them.

      And my generation is practical.

      They know that deviating from the norm gets you insults, ostracized, and more and more often fired and failed, if people have enough power over you.

      They know also you will be publicly flogged by the media who does not care about justice or fairness or spreading kindness.

      Until they want something other than the security of the world’s favor, they will never want God or even man’s wisdom.

      So our best defense is, as it’s always been, living to the best of our ability to embody the principles of God’s ways and our freedom in them.

      Or, if we really think we are smarter, we must try to use that to benefit other people.

      As a tutor/teacher I look at students a lot who seem like idiots to me, but my job is to make them as smart as possible. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I want to cry for this generation.

      But it’s for the few who we can save that we have to try.

      And at least, in my faith, I have the assurance that my fate does not depend on them anyway, and the longer I live, the more glad I am of that. The world is too fickle to rely on.

      People will attack me for that, but I really care very little because I know that in the long run, the world will betray them, as it always does and always has, but God will never betray me, because He is what He is.

      And no that does not mean I’m never discouraged, but thank God, all my hope is not in other people.

      I can’t promise you that it will get better, things usually get worse before they get better.

      But I can promise you that trying to live by the world or the culture is a useless exercise, and no one can keep up with it.

      Find hope in something else, and cling to it.

      Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

      The Oh Hellos–The Truth is a Cave.

      What I learned from my cats.

      / toseealife / Leave a comment

      Thought I might try a fun topic for today.

      Like cats!

      As of October, we’ve added yet another cat to our family.

      This one might be my favorite story of how we’ve gotten one

      My sisters legit almost stole this cat on Halloween, they saw a black cat along our street, and it came up to them, all friendly like, and they were a little worried about leaving it out on Halloween, because people do terrible things sometimes (I had a friend whose black cat was killed) so they brought the cat home.

      I wondered if she was a stray, she seemed pretty well fed, but she was very clingy and affectionate, and seemed happy to be inside. She was only about 5 months old.

      Well the next day we take the cat back to the house they took it from, after trying in vain the night before to find out who it elonded to.

      The lady there tells us the cat is a stray they’ve been feeding, but she lives outside and doesn’t technically belong to them. And if we want her, we can take her and give her a good home. Because she’s lonely, and they can’t take her inside.

      Glad we did too, because it got freaking cold at our house now that it’s Winter.

      But of course I gave my sister crap for basically kidnapping someone’s cat, even if she wasn’t officially theirs.

      Our grandma didn’t want to keep it at first, but we talked her into letting us at least get the cat fixed and some shots, and by the time she recovered, she’d gotten used to being here, and didn’t seem to mind the dog much, surprisingly. So we just kept her.

      All part of my ten point plan of course, mahahha.

      So now we have 4 cats. And 3 of them are black. We keep saying people are going to thnk we’re sme kind of cult.

      But we didn’t plan it that way. Two of them were just in our neighborhood and happened to be black, mine is the only one I purposely selected the color so I could name her after a character.

      I think you could learn a lot from cats, or pets in general, really. But cats act more like humans if you ask me.

      I know people, dog people, say that cats think they’re above humans. But if you ask me, cats just reflect how obstinate and self centered most of us really are, if we take all our excuses off the table. Cats would make the same excuses if they could talk.

      See, if you like dogs, you’re either an optimist or a pessimist about people, but if you like cats, you’re a realist. The good and the bad.

      And each of our cats reflects something different about human nature if you ask me, maybe I read into it too much but pet lovers out there can relate.

      So why not, let’s see what I got.

      1: Cata

      Well our boy cat died, but his sister, our only non black cat currently, is still around. She’s up there but since cats can live 15 years, she might still be middle aged, we’ll see.

      Cata, the cat, has always been kind of a princess, as we call it. She never was much for roughhousing, even as a kitten, she loved playing with anything shiny or girly (seriously, it was weird how she went for girly stuff, like a cat shouldn’t really know that right? Could she smell the estrogen?) and was one to want affection even before food.

      For real, we’ve seen this cat refuse to eat multiple times unless someone pets her first, or she’ll eat if you sit and pet her, but if not she’ll just ignore the food. Can’t say the others have that problem.

      Conversely she’s also the most sensitive of our pets, she doesn’t like being picked up, and is very particular about when she wants attention. But if she’s lying on a bed, she’s usually in the mood for snuggles, she knows that our turf. But if she’s on a chair in the office, leave her alone, that’s her territory. (The office is our cat room so they have somewhere safe from the dog.)

      But I remember when I realized that Cata might be onto something was while I was house sitting alone, while my family were all on vacation.

      Cata got kind of lonely without all of us there, and would come rub on my leg and sit in my lap while Iw aosn the etoliet (a weird habit all of our cats have for some reason) and get her loving, as my Mom would say.

      But I had a revelation: This cat isn’t ashamed of it. She asks for love when she wants it and needs it, and doesn’t apologize.

      It reminded me of how very often, I wouldn’t bother to go to God, or even to other people, if I feel sad or lonely, just because I don’t want to admit it, or because I think I can get by.

      But can I really? I mean even the dumb cat knows that love is more imporant than food soemtimes, and sehs’ a cat.

      Weird right?

      But I guess maybe Cata is onto something, what is life without affection? Empty.

      True, she’s a diva and has hidden from us for 48 hours straight just to get back at us for ignoring her or getting new cats, and also poops on the floor when we make her mad or don’t clean the litter box fast enough, or she’s just too lazy to bother (she is mobile enough to) so she does have that desolate helpless female thing going–but hey, don’t we all wish we could get attention that easily?

      I think Cata’s eccentricness is partly because we’ve had her since she was a couple weeks old. She is our most comfort kitty type. She’s sa with us when we’re sad, even with my grandma, who she ignores the rest of the time, after her dogs died, Cata woulsit in her room…she stopped after a few weeks, and now that there’s another dog, never goes near that room, but it was like she knew we were sad.

      Cata also seemed sad when her brother cat was dead, like she knew something was missing. They say animals don’t notice, but I think we did see a change in her behavior. She was more okay with her sibling cat than she was with our newer ones. But she did become a bit nicer to them after that, like she had to fill a void.

      It’s odd, but even in animals, it seems like dealing with loss sometimes is easier when you open up to something new. Go figure.

      But maybe Cata likes attention because she values company, on her terms, she is still a cat, and that’s something we could learn form, in our isolated society.

      2. Winnie

      Winnie (Winter or Winnie-the-Pooh, we still argue over which it was originally) is our next oldest cat.

      She was dumped in our neighborhood, before we moved, right around Christmas–which in that area is the meanest time to abandon a cat, because it ices over sometimes.

      My mom put an ad out for a lost cat, but no one responded, so we kept her.

      Winnie is definitely the weirdest cat we’ve ever had…I mean I’ve only had 5, but she was unique.

      She’s not mean, she actuall ran righ up to my mom when we foudn ehr and seemed used to people.

      But she was pretty brash too. She was only about 4 months old, but when our boy cat, Tiger, tried to get all territorial with ehr, she dug her heels in and gave it right back to him, that was her first day.

      Tiger was so surprised that he backed off and left her alone mostly, then they became bffs because Winnie liked to play more than Cata, who was such a “girl” (at least that’s what I think Tiger would have said if he could speak)

      Winnie had kind of a cracked out look in her eyes though, and would rush around the house like a maniac, she would play with herself, and my mo is convinced she was nearsighted.

      She definitely had her own style, we used to joke that she’d be the atar of an action movie if she could be. We called her “ninja cat” because she’d jump up and do wild poses and swipes.

      She freaked out one of our neighbors just because she was black and hada nutty expression.

      But despite that, Winnie has never been a mean cat, just odd. She didn’t bit or scratch much (actually Cata drew blood more than any of our other ones) and in her older age, she mellowed out a lot. She’s still kind of funny, but now she mostly just rubs on our feet, and hides in boxes.

      Winnie is a little more accepting of new cats than our other ones. And more welcoming of strangers in the house.

      And call me crazy, but isn’t that a little like humans too?

      Sometime it’s the weirdos who are the least judgmental–not always, but sometimes. Because if you know you’re different, then other people who are different also tend to be drawn to you.

      And hey, sometimes feet and boxes are just the simple things in life to enjoy.

      3. Saucy

      Well, I suppose I have to take full responsibility for how Saucy turned out, since I raised her and all. I mean, it was a joint effort, but she’s my cat.

      I got Saucy because someone who worked at the school behind our house had found kittens and offered me ne to conle me because I thought Cata had gone ising (turns out she just hid under a bed for 36 hours behind stuff so I couldn’t see her).

      I had thought about getting another cat anyway, for myself, because one of ours haddied (got hit by car really) so I said yes.

      Now everyone told me not to do it.

      My sister, Mom, and Grandma all said the dog would eat any new cat. They all seemed to have this odd idea that our dog is more viscous than she really is. She ties to herd the cats, about as successfully as most people, but she doesn’t bite them. She’s a sheep dog, so she nips at their heels to get them to move, but it’s not real.

      Despite them all saying it was a bad idea, I got the cat anyway, and introduce ehr to the dog little by little, the dog never tried to eat her. While she was too little to run, we kept them seperate, but once she was big enough, she was actually the least afraid of the dog, sometimes she’d rub under her, unlike the other two who avoided the dog like she was a wolf.

      They say cats reflect their owners, so I suppose it’s my fault that cat has a personality that’s pretty stubbornly independent.

      Actually I’ve gotten compliments from our vets that my cat is very calm and cooperative when they examine her. She doesn’t stress much. And I am much calmer than some of my family.

      Aso I tend to be bolder, and not avoid conflict, and this cat wouldn’t avoid our older cats, she would go up to them. And the dog.

      In fact she was so fearless I worried about letting her outside because I thought she’d go up to strange animals and get bitten. So we waited till she’d had her operation and shots to let her outside.

      Strangely Saucy, while fearless, alway understood boundaries fairly well. She used to stand in the doorway when we left it open and looked at us like “I know I’m not supposed to go outside, but I really want to”. She didn’t climb on stuff as much as Winnie did, because she knew she wasn’t supposed to, when she’s inside, she sticks to her furniture we allow her on, for the most part.

      Just can’t take th hint with other cats.

      But this is like me too, I push limits soeitsm but I also know when to dra wa line.

      Once we finally let Saucy out, she wound up being much more comfortable outdoors than indoors, she loves it. And her fao game to play is tag, she wants to be ah all over but she tsy sotu of reach until she’s acut tired and then she’ll let herself get caught and taken inside, or she comes in when she’s hungry or cold.

      Despite being bold, Saucy was actually our most gentle cat. She never bit us, or scratch us hardly at all, was okay with being held more than the others, and when I give her bths, put sup way less prost than the older two, she even enjoys part o fit.

      She growls and hisses and snap over having new cat around, but usually it’s all talk. (Some exceptions).

      I can see myself in this also, I make a big noise and I ep myself, but I really really try to hurt anyone. Forceful but not harmful, that’s kind of my way. Though we all have our moments.

      Sh definitely is Saucy, guess I did that one to myself.

      But saucy and mean are not the same things. Saucy may be independent, but she’s not antisocial, she just likes to be social in a more active way, and she sticks to her guns about it.

      While it can worry me, I have to respct it at times, I like a stong mdinded erson, env i fhteyr a cat.

      And it does put me in mind of another truth about life, the worst of liking people who have a mind of their own is that they will have their own way sometimes, and it won’t always be what you want.

      But deep down, you love them more because they are more themselves, then you do if someone bows to our every whim. It’s hard to like a personality if someone doesn’t have one, right?

      And not everyone who is strong willed is a jerk, they may just be that way, but not mean any harm by it, don’t take their independence as a lack of affection, they may just show their affection differently.

      Wow, that go tdep dint it?

      Now for the last one:

      4. Mimi/Jemima

      We still call this cat different things, but she doesn’t care anyway, she really understands “kitty” best.

      Mimi still is the most affectionate cat we have, maybe because she’s still getting used to having a home.

      But it has changed a bit in 4 months. When we first got her she wanted attention constantly, she seemed worried we’d kick her back out. She didn’t really want to go outside, and we made sure not to let her because we worried she’d run back to her other house.

      But she never acted like she wanted out the door anyway, she just wanted food and love.

      Now we let her out but she still hasn’t tried to leave us, she sticks close to the house more than the other and comes back in quickly, partly she’s just cold, but partly, she’s just not interested. She’s know the good stuff is here.

      See none of the other cats were homeless long enough to remember it, but Mimi was alone, sort of, for 5 months of her life, and she picked up the habits of a lonely person.

      ingShe wants reassurance that she’s welcome here, but she also has an annoying habit the others don’t have, she steals our food. Especially bread and chick for some reason.

      I get the chick but one of the other cats like bread, it makes no sense.

      We think it’s her instinct to eat whenever she can and to take people food because she probably went through trashcans before. She still has that stravation mindset.

      She’s getting a little better, but it’s still a problem, we have to hide food from her.

      Mimi also likes to play more, since she’s still a kitten, and is slowly wearing Saucy down. Saucy was the baby before, and has the jealous sibling thing, but he’s getting over it. The other two didn’t care as much because Mimi and Saucy look like they’re twins, we think they might have had the same mom, and I think the older cat could tell the difference from a distance and got used to it faster.

      Mimi likes people, but despite being very eager to come up to us when we found her, she has not been like that with strangers.

      But I’ve seen this behavior before. We had another cat who loiterered outside and went between houses to eat, he a very affectionate to people but it was because he only got attention outside, and he never really wanted to become an indoor cat, just kind of liked to go between different houses.

      Most really affectionate cats I’ve known were lonely ones, in fact, they ram as much aatn at hey na ge tinto small sauer of time.

      But Mimi, now that she’s accepted this is her home, no longer feel the need to advertise to other people who walk by our house, she feels more secure here so here she stays.

      And this, maybe most of all, is like how people are.

      Some of us, when we have been alone a lot, we are very needy and beg for affection. It’s hard to help it when you’re empty. Even though Mimi had food from her other helpers, she wanted a family.

      Once you have one, you stop looking, but you still may have some “hungry habits” to break.

      Even when we know we’re at home, we can still steal food and act like we’re hungry again, it’s hard to go from one mindset to another. And a cat doesn’t have the self awareness to know that, bt we human do, but we can be blind to how nonsensical our habits are.

      We need to accept that if we have a home, we can’t act like strays anymore, when you steal food, someone else has less of it, after all, it’s better to take what you’re given and be grateful for it, not to beg for more than your fair share.

      We love Mimi anyway, but what’s a habit in a cat, can be more of a deliberate thing in a human being, and something we should try to grow out of it if we can.

      Even a cat can learn better, so why not a thinking, person.

      I guess that’s my point in all this. Each of our cats has their good and bad points, and they all mirror human qualities in a way, but our cats have no self awareness to know what is good and what isn’t, unlike us, who can choose.

      So we can learn from them, what to do and what not to do. And that even if you have your quirks, the right person will love you anyway. But don’t be a beast and not at least try to change, we can forgive a pet, but a human should be willing to learn, but around that, we still need acceptance.

      And I guess that’s what I learned from my cats.

      Also the more the merrier, in my mind, but that’s a personal preference. It’s not that I have a void to fill, it’s just that I think the more things you have to love, the better life is.

      Well was it kooky or profound? You tell me. Maybe both.

      Until next time, stay honest–Natasha