Entertainment

Why do opposites attract?

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I’m back with another anime inspired post.

In all fairness, this is really more of an idea I’ve had for a long time, that anime just happens to highlight, as well as many other shows and books.

You ever wonder why opposites attract?

It’s something most people know, though some of us may not have experienced it, and it works with friends and family as well as romantic interests.

 Why is it a law of nature? It goes beyond magnetism. The whole world is full of opposites. The ground soaks up water, water is absorbed, they have opposite properties. Same with plants and sunlight, one receives, the other gives. We breathe in the oxygen that plants give out, they take in the carbon monoxide (or dioxide, I forget which is from breathing) that we give out.

The clear reason here is that there is a need, if everything was the same, it could not grow or multiply.

Now you take this to the relationship between a man and a woman, and it gets way more complicated.

I remember once starting that “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” book, but I couldn’t get into it, it was so stupidly simplistic. It attributed all the differences between men and women to superficial signs of those differences. What always happens with books/movies about this subject is the author ends up looking dumb because there are scores of women who start offering up examples of how they do not fit the model.

In their brilliant book Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge begin the book about women with an acknowledgement that women can love anything from tea parties to hunting, dress up to canoeing, and that all this does not really make you feminine, but why you do those things might.

I am not going to go into all that, but I highly recommend the book, or searching for their talks on YouTube.

The real point I had was that they are realistic, they know you can’t put women into a box, or men for that matter. I just want to make it clear that this opposites attract thing is not solely about gender. Gender in the sense of hormones, sexual functions, and physical attributes that is; though they all play a small part.

But I mean in personality. Why do opposites attract?

The question is easier to understand when you realize that they don’t always, sometimes like forces do attract, many people prefer to hang around those with similar personalities. I don’t, generally, I don’t meet too many people like me; but sometimes I do and it’s kind of gratifying.

Which actually concerns me, because if I am only drawn to someone because they are like me, is that because it’s easier?

It’s not a secret that people round each other out. The Bible calls it “iron sharpens iron” and “two are better than one.” The Bible also says that the first two people were man and woman, by the way, so there is optimal companionship possible between the opposite genders.

Where this ties in to anime and other shows is in the shipping.

Mock me if you wish, but I persist in thinking that shipping basically reflect a person’s values where romantic relationships are concerned. I am only getting more convinced with time that what kind of fan you are is very telling about your character, but I can save that for another post. The point is, people who ship things for the wrong reasons, or who just don’t care, can take the same attitude toward real relationships.

I will not say there are never exceptions, but it’s the more common rule.

One of my favorite kinds of ships I’ve mentioned before are the opposites attract kind. But I recently got a new insight into how deep that goes.

Often people think opposites attract means your personalities have to be opposites. Two cheerful people won’t attract. Two serious people won’t. However, I find that untrue, in shipping and in life. Many couple are composed of two goofier, laid back people. Int hose cases, however, one person is always more so than the other, there is never complete similarity.

Where the opposite really is important is far more interesting, actually. It has to be in character flaws.

This sounds obvious, but it trips people up, let me tell you. Especially in real life, because honestly, it’s easier to see why two fictional people are too much alike than it is when complicated feelings are int eh way in the real world.

You can have two entirely different personalities, but have the same basic flaws.

And for an example here I am going to turn to the very popular My Hero Academia. (Sorry non-fans, but bear with me, I think you can still follow along.)

The three main characters of this show are Midoryia (better known as Deku), Todoroki, and Bakugo. I will spare you the long version of who they are, all that you need to know is that these three have entirely different personalities; yet the show/manga over time shows us that their basic character flaws can be oddly similar. Though Deku veers more to the lack of confidence in his abilities, and the other two veer more to lacking confidence int heir own characters, but all three end up feeling guilty for things they really shouldn’t; and heaping on the shame and self-loathing because of that. The way they express it is completely different for each. But even the other show characters note how similar they are at the core of the issue.

In the same way, people can have very different personalities, as men and women, and yet their insecurities, flaws, and foibles may be pretty much the same.

On the same show, Deku often gets paired up with Uraraka, a girl who has a similar personality, in that she’s sweet, and innocent.

A lot of people hate this ship simply because they seem so similar, but upon further consideration, I realized that they really aren’t. They might both be positive, and that is a good thing, but Uraraka does not live on Guilt Trip lane, nor does she often feel as disappointed with herself as Deku. She has her own flaws, but they are not the same as his, in some ways, they actually are opposites. Deku does not really like conflict, she thinks it is fun or impressive.

Anyway, I hope that made my point. You can apply this to any couple really. Look at your own parents for crying out loud. Mine are certainly total opposites in flaws, though they share many beliefs and values.

It is true that having opposite flaws often includes opposite personalities, but it does not have to.

And it is important to think about when you are dating someone, because in the end, you want to be with somebody who makes you better.

Did you know that humans have flawed cells in their body? Defective ones? And that it’s why you are not supposed to marry someone closely related to you? It’s because the chances that their defective cells will be the same as yours drastically increases, and that is why siblings marrying almost certainly causes defects, often mental ones, and cousins now, though it did not at one time. Over time as we get more defective cells it’s likely even 2nd and 3rd cousins will be too risky, but here’s the thing, it is far less of a risk if you marry someone not in your family. The risk is almost negotiable then, because it’s unlikely they will have enough of the same defective cells to give your kids problems.

There have been some exceptions, it can occasionally work out, and has in the past between more closely related family; and the problem was once not even there.

Theoretically, Adam and Eve were perfect, no defective cells, and for several generations, the amount of defective cells would have been too small to cause problems with intermarrying. That doesn’t even become wrong in the Bible until after Abraham’s time. Abraham married his half sister, and before you think that’s gross, it was common at that time and in other religions. Also, it did not cause any problems. But later on in the Bible it does become ore of an issue. However, 4,000 years or so ago, it was probably barely a risk.

This is a physical example of a spiritual truth if you think about it. Adam and Eve were without sin, so being exactly the same would not have hurt them. They did not have flaws, or imperfections, so how they matched up didn’t matter. It was only after sin that they develop both the same, and also different flaws, like cowardice, blame-shifting, and shame.

If sin was not a problem, we could all marry anyone we wanted, and not worry about making each other worse. As it is, if you do marry someone not good for you, it is still possible to make it work; it is just harder.

It is never the good qualities in ourselves that we need to worry about matching with. Two negative people should not get together, but two positive people can, it’s not a problem. Provided their positivism is not fake (which is really a flaw then.)

Anyway, I am not trying to start any weird idea that if you and your significant other have some of the same problems it means you can’t be together. I doubt anyone would listen to me anyway if I said that. We will always all be human, we all have insecurities, prejudices, and pride; but if we have different flavors of those things, we can help expose them to the light and make each other better.

That is the real difference to be concerned about, since at the end of the day, superficial stuff is not all that important.

Until Next Time–Natasha.

 

What’s Your Name?

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“Who can give a man this, his own name?” –George MacDonald. (Unspoken Sermons.)

Hi, I’m back today with a much more mystical subject than I’ve been covering, (and by the way, mystical is not the same as mythical, mystical can be real, but very hard to understand unless you are a Mystic.)

What brought this on was recently watching the Anime Best Picture winner “Your Name.” I was both skeptical and hopeful when I heard about it, and so my siblings and I decided to try it out. We’ve only discovered we like anime over the last year or so, and we’ve been slowly trying different kinds. (I seem to like Slice of Life best aside from the shows I’ve gotten into.) I loved Koe no Katachi, a different anime movie, so I thought, what the heck?

And I thought Your Name was one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen, from a visual and story perspective, though not without its flaws.

However this is not a movie review, watch it if you’re into that sort of thing, otherwise don’t bother, if anime turns you off. But the concept of the movie was something I did want to talk about, because part of what  I liked about it was how similar it was to other things I’ve read, and it’s mostly read, since I’ve seen few movies tackle the subject.

The movie centers around a couple different ideas which I’ll list here for clarity before breaking them down.

  1. The idea that Love transcends Time and Space
  2. The idea that there’s power in knowing someone’s Name.
  3. The idea that people are destined to meet, despite whatever impossible obstacles seem to stand in their way.
  4. The idea that time is interwoven, not just a long line of events.

The first two are the most important, and the ones I feel the most informed of, if you could call it that.

I happen to be a fan of Madeleine L’Engle’s first three books in the Wrinkle in Time series, my favorite out of the three is “A swiftly Tilting Planet,” it’s amazingly complex for such a short book, and it focuses on Joy, and Love, like all three of the books do, as well as Time Travel.

What’s interesting about it is that just like in “Your Name” the boy in this book time travels by going within someone else. Only it is several different people and all male. Also he other person’s conscious remains. he just blends into it, giving them help when he can but only subtly. they can’t know it’s him or it would scare them too badly. It is not possessive, but sharing, like a passing traveler.

The boy, Charles Wallace, goes within for the same reason Taki in the movie does, it is to redeem people and save others. There is a disaster int he book that is going to wipe out the world because of an evil man, and he has to redeem the parents of this man and save some of them also. Taki has only to save an entire town, but it proves just as difficult.

Interestingly, both stories share the theme of someone forgetting quickly as soon as they come out of it, what happened. Only, instead of Charles Wallace forgetting, it’s Meg who is only helping him by a sort of telepathic connection they have (more spiritual than mental) and because she is not there, it fades from her mind. Like a dream. Other characters in the book have dreams that are actually from Charles Wallace’s life, while he is within them.

I find the similarities astounding.

Here we have the idea that lives can be shared across time and space, and it is because of love, joy, and the need for salvation (in every sense of the word) that it happens. We have the idea that our spirits are not bound by time, space, or our minds. Because Meg’s mind may not be able to retain it (her brother has a rare mind that is able to, not many people do) but her heart and spirit can. In the movie, the two people’s minds are only able to remember for a short time what happens, but their hearts and souls remember always.

It’s actually a common idea in Japan that people can be connected and share sorrows and joys, especially with lovers. And the idea is actually not unbiblical. I’ve heard stories of people sharing feelings or some other kind of connection in the spirit, or even physical pain.

But and even more important thing (at least for the average person who probably won’t expereince that kind of trascendential existance in this life) is the second thme. The power of names.

I again turned to L’Engle, this time her second book int he series, A Wind in The Door. In this book Meg learns more about her task in the universe (in Church we would call it spiritual gifting or calling, the secular world also calls it a calling, rather mockingly, but also with some seriousness.) It is to be a Namer, and she does not get it. She asks her teacher about it:

Meg: “Well, then, if I’m a Namer, what does that mean? What does a Namer do?”

Proginoskes: “When I was memorizing the names of the stars, part of the purpose was to help them each to be more particularly the particular star each one was supposed to be. That’s basically a Namer’s job. Maybe you’re supposed to make earthlings feel more human.”

He goes on to explain that their enenmies, the Echthroi, are trying to destroy the world by doing just the opposite:

“I think your mythology would call them fallen angels. War and hate are their business, and one of their chief weapons is un-Naming – making people not know who they are. If someone knows who he is, really knows, then he doesn’t need to hate. That’s why we still need Namers, because there are places throughout the universe like your planet Earth. When everyone is really and truly Named, then the Echthroi will be vanquished.”

In “Your Name” the problem is not that the characters forget who they are, but that they forget each other, every time the barrier of time is reinstated between them, they forget. And eventually forget even that there was a person they were trying to remember. Though they have a vague idea that they are always searching for someone or somewhere or something. Because they cannot remember the name they don’t know who each other are. It echoes L’Engle’s idea so closely, it’s bizarre.

Knowing your own name is important, so is knowing other people’s. But why?

George MacDonald had some very profound thoughts about this, in his Unspoken sermon about names he notes that the names we give each other are just shadows of what a real name is, since the real name, that God will give us at the end of time, is one only he and we will know, and only that one person will have.

“The true name is one which expresses the character, the nature, the being, the meaning of the person who bears it. It is the man’s own symbol,–his soul’s picture, in a word,–the sign which belongs to him and to no one else. Who can give a man this, his own name? God alone. For no one but God sees what the man is, or even, seeing what he is, could express in a name-word the sum and harmony of what he sees.” 

(Link to the full sermon here: http://www.online-literature.com/george-macdonald/unspoken-sermons/5/)

Taki and Mitsuha are not names that sum up who they are exactly.

Mitsuha means “third leaf” and is similar to her grandmother’s, mother’s and sister’s names, which are first leaf, second leaf, and fourth leaf, in that order. It symbolizes he place in the story as a carrier on of tradition, but not her personality.

Taki means waterfall or water plunging. He does plunge into water in a sort of vision in the movie, and that is when he is able to save Mitsuha and her village by switching with her one last time. But it doesn’t sum him up.

In the end, that’s not really the point. The names in the movie do just what MacDonald points out our human names for each other are meant to do, identify us to ourselves. Help us distinguish each other, honor each other, and of course, remember who is who.

But as MacDonald and L’Engle both point out, there’s a higher reason for names. Names carry our identity.

My full name (which I don’t use on this blog and won’t actually give here for privacy reasons) mean “joy/rejoicing, Christ’s Birthday, and guardian/one who guards or protects.” If you knew me in real life, it makes sense. Even on this blog, it makes sense.

I’ve been told many times my name was no accident. Not everyone is blessed with a good name. In India many girls are cursed with a name that means “unwanted” there’s a group that takes in some of these girls and allows them to legally change their name into something better. If your name has absolute no positive connotations, I’d suggest you consider going by something else, but most names do have some good meaning.

Why is it important?

It might surprise you.

In the Bible a lot of stress is put on names, I’d say more than almost any other religion. Names are seen as so powerful that priests could not even write the full name of God because it was so holy, they abbreviated it to “Yah.” The bible doesn’t actually say not to write God’s name, that I know of, it’s more of a Hebrew culture thing added later, but that is how seriously they take it.

The second commandment is not to misuse the name of God. Sadly, even Christian often don’t take this one seriously.

But even so, other names have power. Abigail’s husband Naboth, who disrespected King David, name means fool. Sometimes bible names come to mean that thing because of the bearer (I think Ruth is like this, it mean friend), but Abigail tells David he is just as his name suggests, meaning it already meant that and his parents clearly sucked.

Judah means “praise,” and David was of the tribe of Judah, as was his son Solomon, both of whom wrote psalms and considered worship to be very important.

Jesus means “deliverer”, Emmanuel means “God with us.”

The list goes on and on and on, any important Bible figure almost always has a name that connects to their purpose. Noah means “rest or peace”, Jacob means “usurper”, Moses means “drawn out”, and if you know their stories, it all makes sense.

But even more importantly God himself tells us names are important.

Phil 2:9 “Therefore God has also highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name.”

In Exodus 3:15, He tells Moses his name is I Am Who I Am (Yahweh) “This is My name forever.”

Google verses about names if you want an even more in depth list, but even this tells us names can be eternal, and higher, and powerful. Names mean authority.

Heck, everyone knows this, think of even a couple hundred years ago when black people had “slave names”, names usually not in proper English, that they would change when they were freed or they would finally get a last name like a legal citizen would have. Changing the name was a sign of being able to be though of as an intelligent human being. Even before they really were, by most people.

Even in fiction, every writer knows, names are important. My character’s names always come to me, and then unless I use them, no other name will stick in my head. After awhile I started looking up the names when this happened and was shocked to discover that (at least when they were real and not made up ones) each name had a meaning that matched the purpose I had for the character, and something about their personality too.

Even when we don’t know a meaning, a name has immense power. There’s a whole cultist idea about this, but let me say, names don’t dictate everything. They help, sure, but you still choose what you do with your name. So don’t worry about it if your name has a personality associated with it that you don’t like. (I prefer not to look into that stuff at all, I stumbled on some by accident. It was scarily accurate in some ways, but wrong in others. No one can fully predict who you will be except God.)

Well, this ran long because of all the quotes, but it was interesting. I hope it inspired you to go look up what your name means, it might surprise you. And until next time–Natasha (Christ’s Birthday.)

Fictional Resistance.

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I had this thought today, about conviction.

Not as in, you’re convicted of something, but as in the convictions you have.

And I got to thinking, do the convictions we have about things that are not real reflect the ones we have about life?

Obviously with some things they do, the big ones, like if we think homosexuality is acceptable, our political views, other things like that.

But there are sneakier kinds of conviction, ones we may not realize we have.

I wondered if what we think we believe is really what we believe.

For example, fetishes.

It’s a word anyone who watches internet things will be familiar with, I think, or certain movies…ick.

I won’t explain too much, but some fetishes (sexual preferences that are weird and often creepy) are seen as acceptable or normal, or perhaps at least okay to secretly indulge…you know, the it’s not right, but you won’t say it’s wrong, type of thing.

It’s going to be hard for me to define exactly what I’m getting at, because I am not saying perversion, or murder, or cruelty, is necessarily something we’ll approve in real life if we approve it in the unreal, but I still think it effects us.

My theory, based on observation, is that it undermines our ability to fight these things.

Christians often talk about being desensitized, we aren’t the only ones, other people studying social interactions and attitudes are calling out our culture for the same thing.

People even joke about it because they aren’t really sure what to do.

Christians might also call it being put to sleep. We talk about needing to “wake up.” But what does this exactly mean?

It means a sharpening of the senses, and clearer vision, it means looking at what is happening around us instead of just dreaming. Knowing the real from the false.

I submit to you that what we watch is a huge part of what clouds our ability to feel strongly about our convictions.

I’m not the first to say it, but I’ve yet to hear, in my memory, anyone connect that to our lack of ability to take action.

Normally, people assume being asleep and desensitized by fiction and media means you won’t see the problems around you. For some people, it does mean that, but I think for others, the more naturally belligerent perhaps, it means you’ll see it but you won’t feel like you can do anything about it.

Watching dirty or tainted material makes us feel guilty, even if we kind of like that feeling, we know it’s not right, and we think we should stand up for what we believe, but then the situation arises and we have no clue what to do.

King David said “I will set no wicked thing before my eyes, I will behave wisely in a perfect way.” He connected our behavior with what we see.

What you look at is what you become.

You ever get that feeling, when you leave the movie theater, or finish binging your favorite action show, or soaking in you favorite romance, like you’ve sort of put on the character’s face? Like you can be that strong, that romanced, that brave, that special?

That feeling is actually somewhat real.

“The eye is the window to the soul, and if your eye is clean, then your soul will be also.” –Jesus.

We feel like we’ve put on these movie’s message like a girl might put on make-up, it’s why nerds cos-play. (And yes, I’ve wanted to do that, I just don’t have the skills or bucks to shell out on it.)

The problem is, the same thing happens with dirty stuff. We feel like the pervert, the monster, the slut, the psycho, after we watch. You’ve almost certainly heard people claim this, and say they’re sick, I know I have.

In real life, these people might not even hurt a fly, but it doesn’t matter, what they’ve convinced themselves they are like limits them.

As Christians we forget that the war is fought mostly in our minds, and that is what determines our actions.

As he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)

We have lost our fighting spirit. I’m surrounded by people all the time who have no clue how to fight for anything they want, need, or that is just right.

It’s because they don’t fight it on the field of the mind. We thing what we consume with our minds is not important to honing our skills, but it is.

Superhero stuff is great for this…if you take it the right way.

Truth is truth, whether it’s in black and white, technicolor, or 3D packaging.

People wonder why we feel the need to break down the things we like, and figure out if they were good or not, but the answer is simple: We’re searching for fuel.

Granted, some people are just nitpicking, and that’s not to say everyone who searches is searching for the right thing. Plenty of idiots and creeps use fiction to justify what they think (maybe not openly, but it’s int heir minds.)

But it’s still part of the war. I’ve learned that if I can conqueror and idea or mindset in fiction, I’m far more likely to address it in real life, and it loses some of its’ power to intimidate me.

This may even be the idea behind political cartoon propaganda. Fiction inoculates you, that can be good or bad.

My concern is that our lack of understand over how it works means we let it weaken us when it should be making us stronger. Imagination is a powerful thing.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12.)

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.” (2 Corinthians 10:4-6.)

The Bible says we have the Mind of Christ. That includes our imagination, and what appeals to us. Of course it’s always a war, I have to fight not to like the wrong parts of fiction also.

It’s not like I never feel tempted. But I know that’s what is happening, I’ve started to wake up. 

The biggest lie is that it’s a waste of time to even think about all this because “It’s not real.”

That excuses every sin, and downplays every virtue of fiction. Where do we draw the line?

“It’s just a story”

It’s not just a story.

It might help to remember that each idea in a story is a real idea held by a real creator, somewhere. You are meeting, essentially, with their mind, when you experience their work. Meeting with it more fully then you might in a conversation, because stories contain purer versions of our ideas than we’ll share just in passing.

It’s why fans feel a certain fondness of the sources of their shows. It’s not all hype, ladies and gents, we do know something about how the person must think.

In that way, you are dealing with what is real when you deal with the themes of the material. And you should be careful that you’re fighting what you should fight.

Don’t throw out every flawed thing, of course, that would be everything, but decide carefully what flaws are fatal and what are just annoying.

Anyway, until next time–Natasha.

 

 

Better Off Alone?

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You know that moment when you’re reading a comment thread and you think to yourself “50% of this is talking more about the cute couples then the message.”

I’ve written about shipping recently, and defended certain kinds of ships as enhancing the story, but I didn’t really talk about the question of whether or not shipping should even exist.

I figured, it’s not like it’s going anywhere, but I’ve been seeing a few people saying they are so done with it. They are sick of all the arguing. It’s funny how seriously people take it too, I won’t argue that. Especially the most unrealistic ones.

This burn out on shipping has more, I believe, to do with a very real question, wrapped up in a lot of fictional characters: The question of whether anyone needs a significant other to be a full, functional human being.

A lot of romantic songs dwell on needing another person. Old movies are mocked for their inclusion of female leads who sing about how they need a man to be happy.

Even Disney’s Hercules, which many people like because the female lead was NOT looking for love, has a whole song devoted to making it clear she still wanted it, and denied her feelings out of fear.

I’m sure I could fine more mainstream adult movies with examples of a similar thing.

IT doesn’t matter how seemingly self-sufficient your female lead is, she’ll end up with a man 99.9% of the time.

And you know if she doesn’t, it’ll be discussed in the movie.

I could call out the serious double standard here, since it’s more common for the male lead to stay alone, especially in older movies, or to get the girl as some kind of prize.

Actually what really bothers me is how often the woman was a total idiot. Like in Crocodile Dundee, ick.

The same is true of old books, in fact, it might be more true of books than movies, which have more pressure to be “progressive.”

But the solution I see younger people falling back on, and feminists push them to do it, is to simply say “Well, a woman doesn’t need a man to be happy.” It’s usually a woman do, the man clearly needs someone to balance him out.

And hey, I won’t argue with that. But I think the portrayal of women has gotten to be a little unfair.

They tend to be shown as these top-notch, independent, brave, and above all tough and emo-like characters. I could just use kids movies, and I’ll find you that character in almost any of them. From The LEGO Movie, to Big Hero 6, to The Avengers, (in fact, every single female lead in the Avengers was basically the same character for quite a while.)

Why would a character like this need a man?

Especially when their male companion is usually goofy, clueless, and hot headed? Or a wimp.

You can feel, even if it’s never said, that the woman is just basically putting up  with his nonsense because he’s cute.

Talk about a role reversal.

Now, as true as that might be to real life, is it any less true that men have to do the same thing with women?

And the girls I know, though I can’t speak for anyone else, are not anywhere near being as put together as these feminist archetypes.

The truth is, both the old way men were portrayed and the way women are portrayed now, involves a suspension of reality. They are shown as unbreakable, because society tends to worship the unbreakable, we don’t always care whether it’s a him or her, so long as the right qualities are there.

And the real situation is that the qualities I listed above are far more likely to be shared between two above average people in a relationship, then found exclusively in one of them.

And it’s because of that unrealistic portrayal that people are able to say “Well she doesn’t need a man,”

Let me speak some truth sister, (or brother), if they were shown how they really are, how you really are, you’d be more likely to wonder if they deserved a man, let alone if they needed one.

If you on your worst day is not a fate you wish to spare people, then you aren’t honest with yourself. We do stuff that drives people crazy.

However, I’m not saying we should think that we are better off alone because we suck. Other people do things that suck too. The idea of being together, is that we are better together, the sum of our good becomes our new identity.

That is actually what marriage is supposed to be, and by extension, a dating relationship should be growing toward that ideal.

Way back in Genesis 2, God said “It is not good for man to be alone.” The Bible goes on in other books to say that two are better than one, and that we need tor ely on each other.

It’s not hard to figure out, if you read the bible, that God is in favor of relationships.

So it is the height of pride to claim we do not need each other.

Not everyone is meant to get married, it’s true. But I think most people are, because we were designed for that.

We should not be voting for people, real or imaginary, to be single. Because it ignores the truth that we are not good alone. It’s deceiving ourselves to tell ourselves that.

Being alone is freaking hard, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not alone in my house, but I still feel lonely. I’m old enough to be dating or getting married. And I’m not ashamed to admit that’s a need.

The question is of timing, not of necessity.

I would not be good alone for very long.

Anyway, I think this all goes back to humility. Letting go of our obsession with the unbreakable human being stereotype. If you are unbreakable, you’re as cold and hard as rock.

Or, you’re too soft to break. Like clay. Humility is what gets us there. And relationships are what get us humility. Unless you know another way…

Until next time–Natasha.

My sister found this hilarious song/clip about relational expectations, check it out for a good laugh at yourself:

You become what you hate.

/ toseealife / Leave a comment

On the same note as my previous post, I have more inspiration from my most recent anime obsession.

I didn’t have time for it and it was off topic anyway, but it was something I just had to write about.

On My Hero Academia there is a character called Shouto (Shoto?) Todoroki, not sure I spelt either of those right.

He has a pretty tragic backstory, as even the main character of the show, Deku, admits. Purposely more like a traditional superhero’s backstory instead of the more conventional ones most of the others have.

I’ll just sum it up, abusive father, mom went off deep end because of it, and he has a permanent scar on his face from where she burned it.

Yeah, most of the fandom hates his dad’s guts.

Anyway, Todoroki starts off as a cool and composed guy, not really friendly or nice, just kind of there. And stays that way up until the tournament when Deku successfully pushes him to break down his walls and come to terms with himself. But Todoroki ends up still needing to revisit that, and as of now, is still dealing with his resentment and hate for his father, and his issues with not wanting to become him.

All too familiar to many of us with parents who made us miserable.

Of course, it’s a little rougher when half your body is literally reminding you of said parent every day. Ouch.

Yeah, your heart breaks a little for the poor guy.

But watching it, I realized something about hate, and about forgiveness, that wasn’t really clear to me before.

I’ve grown up hearing that we should forgive. That our salvation actually depends on it. But sometimes the reasons behind this are passed over.

Hate, resentment, and bitterness tend to blind us to their own effects. It’s sad, but most of us have people we resent, even if we think we are well-adjusted and have moved on.

True forgiveness is rare because it is really, really hard.

People will say unforgiveness will put you in a prison. That forgiving really frees you.

Todoroki made this clear in a new way.

Another student accuses him of having his father’s eyes, eyes filled with hate at something. This horrifies him, as you can imagine.

And yikes, how many of us have been told we’re like our parent whom we feel is so unkind to us?

I have. I always hated it.

The thing is, I am like that parent in many ways. Not necessarily bad ways. But that last thing we want is to turn into the kind of person who hurt us.

But the kicker is, hate, it does that.

Hate made Todoroki more like his father than he realized. He treated people the same way. Maybe his was born out of his pain more than his pride, yet it ended up having the same effect, and unfortunately, pain often turns into pride.

We can be so good as convincing ourselves we’re okay without love. And okay shutting off a part of our lives.

I do that more than I admit, I think. I don’t realize I’m doing it. But I prefer to forget all the pain and crap happened to me.

Especially when it borders on abuse, or some kind of unfair treatment, you want to deny it really happened to you.

In Todoroki’s case, the evidence is right there on his face for all to see. Many people have scars like that, maybe not  on their face, but things they can’t remove that remind them of what happened.

Often, like him, they choose to withdraw emotionally. To become cold, hard like rock, and determined to prove they can survive on their own.

But if we think about it honestly (hard to do) we’ll have to recognize that parents and other perpetrators, they probably made that same choice back when they went wrong. They chose to withdraw, and then they became abusive, or cruel, or bitter.

And since sin always springs form similar sources, it’s in repeating their emotional sin that we start to repeat their actions.

That’s why not forgiving is so very dangerous. You will become what you do not forgive.

Racism goes both ways. One race abuses another, then the abused race starts to hate them, then when the odds shift to their favor they often do the same thing.

People who obsess over what was done to them start to neglect their own responsibilities. They end up hurting other people.

“Hurting people hurt people,” is a saying that is true. The only way to not hurt people is to heal the hurt in yourself. To seek healing really, since we can’t heal ourselves.

It’s in forgiving my parent that I’ve started to see why they are the way they are, why it’s wrong, and how I tend to do the same thing out of my own insecurity.

It takes strength to say the cycle ends here. To decide you will pursue healing until you no longer have forgiveness.

But in the end, if you want to be better than them, you have to do that.

Strangely, grace is not only what saves us from our own sins, but giving it is what saves us from other people’s.

Sin is contagious just as much for the pain it cause as for the pleasure. Much like untreated wounds can spread infection.

We should not blame ourselves for what people did to us, we only need to realize it’s up to us to seek healing. We can’t wait for someone else to force it on us.

Deku is a rare find. Most of us will have to make that choice without someone hammering away at our walls until we snap. Though if you have someone like that, good for you.

I still get angry, but I spend so much less time angry than I used to because I’ve begun to realize the real freedom lies in letting it go. It took me over 6 years to get to where I understood this at all, though I mentally accepted it before then, but at last I am starting to feel it.

When you are angry, this is really hard to accept, we have so many excuses to hold onto our hate.

Which is why it takes character to decide to forgive anyway.

You won’t feel it, you’ll feel like your anger is justified, but if you’re honest enough to accept that you need to let it go anyway, then I’m confident you’ll succeed.

It’s not impossible. It just takes patience.

Until next time–Natasha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLR3Gqz5PEs&list=PLfeTqw4s3Zd-d75y-UpPoeL-y9WW6VyIx&index=46&t=0s

 

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop.

/ toseealife / Leave a comment

I never thought I’d say this, not about anime, but I think I’ve questioned my outlook on life.

My sister turned me on to another show over the past two weeks, My Hero Academia, or Boku No Hero Academia, as some call it.

At first I thought, oh, it’s a cute chosen one story-line, you know, karate kid, Star Wars, Kung Fu Panda, pick almost any movie about a young boy and his mentor.

I like those stories as much as the next girl, but this show blew me out of the water by the end of the second season. If you’re into animated stuff at all, I highly recommend checking it out.

But I wasn’t expecting, even so, to actually get an epiphany from watching it. This happens to me with a lot of things I watch and read, but normally I have to dig it out. Watching this show it’s like it slapped me in the face.

The show isn’t really in your face, but it unashamedly makes its points, I think that was why I was surprised. RWBY, my other current favorite, is much more subtle and leaves you to figure out a lot of what its trying to say.

Anyway, I’m not going to review the whole thing here, I just wanted to lay the groundwork for my actual point.

One character on the show challenged me in particular, Bakugo, also called Katchan.

He starts off as a huge jerk, yet is constantly extolled as real hero material despite having obvious pride issues. (The premise of the show, if you haven’t heard of it, is a school for training young aspiring heroes in how to use their powers (quirks) well and effectively in fighting crime and rescuing people.) The teachers say that Bakugo is smart, talented, and has a grasp of what it takes to be a hero.

He’s extremely angry, especially at first, and hardly anyone likes him. I didn’t like him at all. But over time I started to see what they were getting at and how I could actually stand to learn something from it.

Bakugo always, always, wants to win. He wants to be the best, and only the best. At first he assumes this will be easy for him, eventually he realizes he’ll have to work hard at it, but he remains determined to reach for the top.

The thing is, I can’t begin to name the number of shows, books, movies, and possibly even teachings I’ve head that would tell you it’s not that important to win.

“It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” “Strive for truth, not victory.” “It’s just a game.”

Sound familiar?

I always assumed that was true. But what this show and character smacked me upside the head with was the realization that thinking that way is actually ludicrous.

Yeah, I said it.

NOT about everything, mind you. I’m not some Victory maniac, and that’s not the real point of the show either.

But as the main hero of the story pointed out, in fighting for justice, you need to want to be the best, you need to always want to win, no matter how hard it is.

And I realized, he’s right.

Justice, what is right, what should be, it’s not something you can achieve if you don’t want to win.

You have to believe it’s worth winning for.

See, personal gain is not really a good motivation for winning. Or personal pride. That’s Bakugo’s weak point, but he does get that a hero has to win.

Otherwise, they may be heroic, but their heroism doesn’t do anyone any good.

Self sacrifice is a beautiful thing, but it needs to accomplish something.

If I go back to the Bible I realize that this is, shockingly, exactly what it teaches.

Jesus didn’t go through all that terrible suffering just to lose. He did it to win. the Bible literally says “Death is swallowed up in victory” and “it is finished.”

As in, mic drop. That’s it. We’re done. We win.

“If God is for us then who can be against us?” “We are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans)

“Blessed is the man whose strength is in You…they go from strength to strength.” (Ps 84: 5-7)

Actually, any reading of either the Old or New Testament would make it hard to doubt that God intends for us to fight to win. And to expect to win.

In fact, the notion that we can let everyone win is downright dangerous. I feel like this culture expects the good people to apologize for winning.

Considering the amount of criticism leveled at the police and other public defenders constantly, it gets even more disturbing.

It’s good to be humble, but not to apologize for winning.

It’s also not necessarily wrong to want to be the best. Being the best doesn’t make you a better human being, but it can make you more able to reach people.

There is some danger in wanting glory for yourself, but not in simply trying to be the best.

I think unfortunately Christians can shame this, because we like to focus on the underdog, the people who aren’t talented. We say “God can use you anyway.”

What about those of us who are talented? Who have a shot at being the best?

I was never pushed to get better, as a kid at church. I was told I was beyond everyone else. Not too different from Bakugo.

Even in college, I’m not often pushed to improve. My teachers often try to say we don’t need to worry too much.

It might be less stressful, but I feel somewhat deflated knowing I can get by on so little. And knowing even if I did better, my reward would only be a slightly higher grade, and my grades are good enough.

Good enough. Yeah.

God can use anyone. That’s true. That includes talented people.

It’s not quite as discouraged now, with the cultural movement to realize what you’re good at and pursue it, but mediocrity is still a disease that infects way too many areas of both society and the church.

It bugs me more with the Church; of all people, we ought to be saying that Good should win. How often do we accept defeat?

And we do accept it.

“Oh you have cancer? Sorry”

“Oh, they made that legal now? Oh well…”

“Oh they’re teaching that’s okay at our school? Too bad about that, hope our kids make it out okay.”

Yeah, sure.

Bakugo might be slightly crazy, but I’d put him on my team any day because he wouldn’t quit until he won. And when you’re fighting to save people and take down evil, which essentially is a Christian’s job description, then heck yeah! You need that kind of grit.

I don’t give up easy, but I don’t always fight with that kind of conviction. And I was ashamed to realize that, and challenged to do better.

So, it’s unprecedented that it took a show like this to make me see it, but I’m not sorry. What I do with this revelation is up to me. But now it’s out there.

And  have to ask, what have I given up on? What should I have kept trying to win?

Well, that’s none of your business, your business is to look at your won battles and ask yourself the same thing.

Best wishes on that, until next time-Natasha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHKpi2u4pvY