Life tips

The time to be careful

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I’m not big on telling people to be overly cautious, I think taking risks is necessary. but personally I’ve realized lately that there is one are in life where you just can’t be too careful. And that is in what you let into your mind.

That probably surprised no one. But I’m serious. Homeschoolers are famously cautious, sheltered, and out of touch with the popular trends. At least I am, I was the kid in youth group who always had to ask what something was that everyone else knew about like it was their life story. Paradoxically, I always knew the answers to bible-related questions, or I’d read the spiritual boo, or heard of the preacher, or whatever. if you know any scenarios like this yo know that basically makes you the smart one who is socially challenged.

Now, I freely admit that over the years I’ve changed, I watch a lot more popular stuff, and I’m familiar with more trends, and that’s fine because I’m not from another planet for crying out loud. But there is a price that comes with it. If you are not a sheltered person than you may never have known the shock of learning for the first time what abortion is. Or the statistics on teen suicide, or sex, or violence. I wasn’t teased about being different till I was 13 at least.  I also didn’t realize that cynicism was a thing, even in my own family, until I was 12 I think. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve actually had a first time for all this stuff, I didn’t grow up being aware of it. And that does have an affect on you.

What it has to do with the mind is pretty clear. I am much more concerned with the state of my inner self than I think I would be if I’d grown up exposed to all these other problems at a young age. I regard how clean my mind is as crucial to how heathy I am as a person. That means that nothing is minor. There is no such thing as a harmless bad idea. There is only the bad stuff you can overlook, and the bad stuff you can’t. But it’s there and it has to be taken into account. This is how I’ve always thought and it was a surprise to me that it’s a pretty rare view of things. It’s funny that the same people who complain about apathy will brush off the need to be careful in what you put into your mind. I mean, do we really think they aren’t connected?

I find everyone usually agrees with me to this point, until I name a specific source that they happen to like, then I generally hear this:

“But I know it’s not real.”

“I’m not like the person who did so and so because they got the idea from a movie.”

“But I like it.”

Of course, more recently, I also get the less defensive and more aggressive claim that I’m just nutty for minding this stuff.

Well, I could be. Certainly if no one cares what’s in their mind , I sound crazy for caring  a lot.

But as soon as I started thinking this way, I immediately had problems with my mind going places I didn’t want it to go. And trying to accept ideas that I strongly disagree with. Nit because I’m any the more convinced they are correct, but because there is social pressure to accept certain beliefs, we all know that. But What if you don’t want to accept them? Why would you weaken yourself?

This is the thing, I don’t go to school or work (yet.) So if I can feel pressured just by media sources and books I read, how much more can the rest of us who are surrounded by other people who don’t believe as we do. I don’t advocate avoiding people who think differently, but I do advocate taking stock of your own thought life.

there are a few good questions to ask yourself.

  1. Have my beliefs changed over the years?
  2. If so, which ones and why?
  3.  And how did they change, was I convinced, did I get a revelation? A moment of clarity? Or was it a slow change because of what everyone around me thought.

I don’t want to sound too preachy. This doesn’t apply just to religion. It can apply to your image, your relationship expectations, your dreams and goals, and you character. And since I care deeply about those things, I have to be concerned with what I feed my mind. And that’s all I’m going to say for now. I’m pushing 800 words as it is.

until next time–Natasha.

 

Life as Riley Matthews

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It’s no secret that I, Natasha, like the show Girl Meets World. For various reasons. But today I wanted to write about something I thought of after watching the episode “Girl Meets Pluto.”

One of the main characters, Riley, is often described as a goofball who only sees the good in everything. And she wants to believe Pluto is still a planet. Whatever your thoughts might be on that, I can relate to her; I never wanted Pluto to stop being a planet. When I originally learned the Solar System,( via the Magic School bus,) I taught it to my younger sister. It was one of my first teaching experiences; I loved it. And Pluto was still a planet.

Do you see why I still want to think of it as such? Perhaps the fact of the matter is, as I’ve heard pointed out, that it’s ridiculous for us human beings to think we can decide what anything as huge as a planet is. But really, its not about how much we know, or how we can measure stuff, we names thing so we can learn about them and so they mean something to us.

If Pluto is a planet it has more dignity than what it’s called now, an “Ice dwarf.” Ugh. It’s one thing to decide something is grander than you knew at first, like the sun being more central than the earth; but it’s another to decide something is lesser than you thought. The earth is actually more central than we used to think. And I can understand why Riley still wants to believe Pluto is a planet.

I have a lot of Riley in me. I want to see things in a good light. Even if/when I hear hard facts, I wonder if there’s a brighter side that no one knows about. Is there a hidden good? Perhaps that sounds like nonsense to other people. Sometimes I think it is and that I just look for what’s not there. But here’s the thing: I like being this way. From all I’ve observed, in my short life, being pessimistic only makes you miserable, and it means you are always living in fear of bad things happening. I know too many people who tend to think the worst. They aren’t happy. Though “There’s more to life than that–Don’t ask me what.” (Fiddler on the Roof.)

I have to say I’ve been disappointed a lot, and I have my moments of wanting to give up on hoping for the best. But in the end, I can’t, because the day I lose hope, I lose everything. If you have no hope, you won’t see the good that is there, and you won’t expect the good that might happen. (Ever wonder why people who are pessimists are also the most critical?)

I have to have hope even to think anyone might read this post, and more hope to think it might help them out.

One final thought: Hope is not always a feeling. It is a choice. It is choosing not to say that the worst will happen; hope is waking up in the morning and being glad to start the day; hope is doing your work because you know it’ll benefit you in the long run; hope is risking standing up for something because you think it can get better; hope is seeing the political mess around us and believing good things can still happen; hope is turning off the electronics and doing something in the real world; hope is encouraging someone else because it could brighten their day. What fuels all this is love. Hope is the action of love. One of them anyway. Or perhaps it’d be better to say hope is the action of faith. Whatever works for you.

100_4836Okay, that’s all I’m going to say for this post, hope you enjoyed it–Natasha.

Vulnerable Good

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I have to thank beautybeyondbones for having this quote “Life is vulnerability.” When I read that it grabbed my attention.

I have heard of course that vulnerability is necessary. But I never thought of life as being all vulnerability. It is isn’t it? Everything we do, we could get hurt doing, it seems like life as an endless potential of disasters that could happen, and we hear about them happening a lot.

But I don’t spend my days worrying about all that could happen to me. There’s a few things that could go wrong even on this small blog, but I don’t worry about them every time I post. I wasn’t always worry free, there was time of my life when worry was a disease. I worried about getting sick, getting in an accident, getting bitten by animals, getting lost, and even worse stuff. Some of it was totally irrational, but as I’ve said before, fear is not rational.

Worry is always thinking about what might happen, or might be happening, so it is always dealing with unrealities. Extensive worry can even be a form of neurosis.

We are vulnerable it is true, but remember vulnerability also means being open to pleasure, to change, to growth. If we wouldn’t be hurt we couldn’t be healed either, if we couldn’t fall, we wouldn’t know why it’s so good to be standing. I am not saying we need bad things to appreciate good things, I am saying that to be free we must be vulnerable. Desiring safety too much makes you a slave to whatever seems to offer it. I’ve been more open on this blog lately because I realize that to be real I need to be honest. If there’s one thing people online have encouraged me to be, it’s open. Maybe its easier online, but if you do it consistently it becomes a habit in your life.

Those are my thoughts for now, until next time100_4974–Natasha.

Pet Peeves and The first world

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Well, my family has moved into our new place.

I have now realized we are officially poor, by Western standards. By most standards, we’re still well off.

We are living with one of our relatives, a thing not looked highly upon in this day and age. But we had no choice.

And as you all know, being around the extended family (or the immediate family) has its pros and cons.

(This is not a complaining post. I just want to ask a few questions.)

The first one is: What are your pet peeves?

What does it even mean to have a pet peeve? I’ve never like that term. A pet is something you fondle, cuddle, take care of, etc.  A peeve is something that makes you irritated; or, possibly, angry or nervous. Why would someone put those two things together?

Second: What are first world problems?

The new phrase we’ve invented for our minor difficulties is first world problems. I’ve heard it said that we invented it to hide how spoiled we privileged people are. I see this phrase as more of a joke than anything else. Seriously? When your internet is slow, or your phone is hard to handle, or some other such nonsense; you mock your problem by using a term that basically says: “I live in a country that’s one of the better off ones, all my physical needs are met, but I’m so bored with my life that I’m going to call this small difficulty the problem of living my privileged existence.”

It’s been a thing in books and movies to shine a different light on the lives of the rich and famous, or just rich and spoiled. Because of that trend I’m sure we’re all at least familiar with the idea that money doesn’t make you happy, and luxury can wear on you. But apparently we’re all the rich and famous to people in third world countries, having been to one, the impression I got from what we were told is that they see us all as very rich and important people, who are suckers for buying stuff in the market place.

I spent several days there not having access to the internet, or to drinking water from a cup, or calling my family, using restrooms without soap or toilets that flush at the turn of a lever. I went everywhere in a group. I worked. And I felt the least inclination to complain of any time I’ve been on a new experience. Part of that was a choice, I didn’t want to be a wet blanket. Part of it was realizing what ridiculous luxury I was in, even  in Cambodia. A lot of money was spent on our small group, and a lot of effort put into giving us a good time. I expected pretty meager accommodations, but I got as good as any I’ve gotten here in America the few times I’ve stayed at hotels.

Now, I’m going to list a few of my pet peeves, just to make a point.

  1. Any unusual sounds at night, any talking or loud music while I’m trying to sleep, that has driven me crazy many a night.
  2. Being bossed around constantly.
  3. Being teased about my personality.

There, those are three things I had to deal with on my trip. And I managed to put up with all of them, and adapt. The first one doesn’t bother me half as much since I came back, which is good because moving means different noises.

The truth is, it’s not helpful to label anything your pet peeve. Whether it’s a first world problem, or a problem with clashing personalities, because when you do that, you give yourself permission to notice it and be annoyed every time. I don’t think any of us need encouragement to look for annoyances in our lives.

This is what I’ve found helps me best: When something irritating happens and it tries your patience, first; hold your tongue–complaining usually just makes it worse or annoys that people around you.  Second; shake it off–forget it as soon as you can, the less you dwell on it the better. Third; don’t start thinking that this always happens, or always will. I know, I still slip into this one myself, but it’s not a good way to think. Fourth; laugh about it, just about every annoyance has a humorous side to it, if you are willing to not take your own minor problems too seriously. Fifth; look for a good thing about every situation. every cloud really does have silver lining.

I hope everyone understands that I am still talking about minor things that go wrong, not catastrophes. And with that , here’s a final bit of advice. Do not make everything a big deal. One of Disney Channels’ most liked characters, Kim Possible, has a catch phrase that she uses whenever she does something that she sees as not all that stressful, “So not the drama.” Often this is funny because Kim does things no one else can do. But it’s a good principle, when you know you can handle it well, then don’t turn on the drama.

I need this post as much as anyone, I need reminders to try to keep up a positive attitude when the pressure is on. So to all of us: until next time–Natasha.