Life

The difference between men and women-1

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I’ve spent years trying to figure this one out and I finally have my answer: I don’t know what it is.

Well, I do and I don’t.

I can’t understand why people ever started saying men and women are equal or the same, and I really don’t know why they say “a girl can do anything a boy cand o.”

My dad always responds to that by saying “except pee standing up.”

Guys laugh at that and girls roll their eyes.

I could think of a few other things men can do that women can’t…and vice versa.

You’d be surprised how many men don’t even know what a menstrual cycle is, other than it makes girls super emotional.

And not all girls, and not all the time, I only get emotional sometimes. Other time sI hardly notice.

You know I find that if I pick any one trait and think “men are more this than women” I immediately have a few examples come to my mind of men who defy that generalization.

My dad is by far the most emotional person in my family, my mom might go through a whole week or month without yelling more than once or twice, my dad can rarely go through two days.

My mom is one of those people who smile more than laugh, my dad laughs all the time even in negative conversations.

Men are supposedly better drivers and better at math, my mom beats my dad at both those things.

My parents are both exceptional anyway, but that’s just the two of them. I know other boys and girls who defy stereotypes. I know guys who like to knit or sew or cook. I know girls like me who prefer self defense to ballet. That’s not so uncommon anymore.

The point is, if I pick any one thing, I can’t generalize. Both men and women participate in every activity you could think of. From the best things to the worst. Some things it would be nice to rule men out or women. It would be nice if it was true that women don’t sleep around and go from man to man like they were sampling them, and that men are never emotionally needy and clingy. But it’s not.

If I listen to any given conversation around my campus I’ll have proof of this. Boys can be just as emotional and annoying about it as girls, and girls can frankly be just as inconsiderate as boys are more reputed to be in relationships.

And boys can be sensitive and caring,  I don’ know why every genre except chick flicks and the rare kids’ movie seems to not get this. In some cultures a man might be more likely to cry than a woman in some situations. It used to be unladylike for a woman to demonstrate too many motions in public, now it;s weird for a man to do that.

Social fads never mean much anyway, people are too diverse.

I can’t trace he difference between men an women to any hobby or personality trait in particular. Humor can be one consistent difference, but not always. I laugh when people get slugged in movies if i feel it was merited. Even though violence isn’t supposed to be funny to girls.

Sometimes I wonder if I am mannish because I like things girls aren’t supposed to like that much. But I don’t consider myself odd given that I grew up with no brothers and a father who’s main way to enjoy playing with his kids was to buy them war and weapon themed toys. When you’re a girl and your dad is into very masculine stuff, you adapt and become flexible.

Now, true to the expectation, my mom couldn’t care less about that stuff, so I ended up with diverse interests. I am one of many girls or boys that did.

It’s not like boys never learn to do more homemaking stuff from their mom, or even their dad.

This isn’t about what we do, really, it’s not about how we feel. Men and women feel pretty much the same about things. The only difference I notice, and this difference is slight at best, is men seem to feel embarrassed for feeling as much as they do and they deny it, giving the wrong impression that they don’t care.

While girls only feel embarrassed about certain feelings.

Guys will downplay excitement, enthusiasm, sadness, and compassion into “guy” terms. Actions, and short sentences. (Usually, but you’ll have your Shakespearean poetic fellow now and again.)

Girls tend not to downplay positive feelings to each other, they might around guys. But they will downplay negative feelings a lot of time.

I think being bubbly and glad is perceived as a girly thing, so after a certain age most men drop it and hide their good feelings, while women only bring out those feelings, or else resort to being business like.

Again, this is still subject to personal choice. There are exceptions. That’s the only general rule I’ve seen to really apply however.

I will give men a tip here, with girls if you don’t express positive feelings she’s going to assume you feel negatively, or worse indifferent. Indifference is worse, at least to me. If you’re negative I can fight with you at least. Anything is better than stagnation. Guys usually think women are reading into it when they assume the worst, but that’s imply how we communicate.

Conversely, I’ve learned that if I have a spat with my dad I’ll fix things a lot sooner by doing something then by just saying I’m sorry.

I think this boils down to women wanting to know you feel remorse, and men wanting to know you’ll actually take responsibility for your actions.

However, I still say we all have both, it’s just which one it takes to seal the deal that differs.

That said, the real difference between men and women isn’t something you can diagnose. And people are trying to diagnose it so they can cure it.

I don’t care if men are different from me, if they’ll just stop griping about it. I’d hope they feel the same way. God made us different.

You see, our differences are something in us grater than the sum of our parts. It’s not whether you wear make up or wear cologne that makes you a man or a woman. It’s something in your soul.

One reason i don’t believe that people can be transgender. As I just said, emotionally you cant’ really pinpoint the difference between the sexes, it’s soulful, or spiritual if you will. We kind of just sense that it’s there. If you interact with a man or a woman for nay length of time, you’ll feel the difference.

Ironically gay people may actually be more likely to realize men and women are very different, they’ve just decided they don’t like one or the other.

 

 

 

Stuck in Groundhog day.

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Groundhog Day. Funny how an ordinary holiday has now become the symbol for having infinite chances.

I think Jumanji turned that on its head though, by pointing out that we only ever have one life. The idea that we could have more is as bizarre as a video game.

Even if you believe in Eternal Life, like I do, we all still believe that what we do on this earth matters. You’ll notice that almost all people have a sense of this, no matter what they believe. We all feel like our days here are adding up to something.

The Bible says “So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12.

“Show me, O LORD, my end and the measure of my days. Let me know how fleeting my life is.”  Psalm 39:4.

Our days are adding up to something, but the Bible reminds us to not just mindlessly accumulate them, but to count them, and measure them, and see what we are adding up to.

We do get second chances, but as you all know, not infinite ones to redo our lives. Yet in a way it is true. Every day is a new chance to do the right thing.

The secret of Groundhog Day is time management. If you knew what would happen at any time in the day, you could do anything within reason.

But I am not a machine, I can’t plan my day out so meticulously. You ever wonder why you feel so stupid when you walk out of the house without some important item that you needed to do a major activity in your schedule? (Happened to me yesterday.) How could you forget that?

Teachers can be real hypocrites about this too. Because unless you are abnormally good at remembering stuff, everybody does that. Frequently. have you ever known someone who doesn’t forget that one thing, lose their glasses by putting them on their head, go into a room without turning the light on and then try to turn it off when they leave. We don’t always focus on everything as much as we want too.

And Teachers can be all like “It’s your responsibility, and you really should be more organized. Yada yada.” And you;re reaction is to apologize and feel really dumb.

And maybe you are disorganized. But often I’m thinking “I had the paper/item right there on the table and I walked out of the house without it.”

the real reason is we’re in a rush and I recommend getting everything together the night before if possible, but it’s not always possible is it.

We tend to give ourselves leniency on things that are really important, and beat ourselves up over stuff that isn’t. You ever notice that? It’s like we feel we have to pay retributions to something, but we are too scared to face up to our biggest issues.

But if Groundhog Day really happened, the kicker is, you couldn’t get away from yourself. So the only way to survive is to become selfless. Because in the end it’s our own selfishness and not our situation that makes us miserable.

And I think if you feel like you’ve been stuck in that cycle for a long time, you might really be fed up with yourself. And that’s okay, Jesus can fix that…if you won’t accept that answer, I can’t help you. I don’t know any other way to escape from yourself.

At bottom that’s what all those minor frustrations with ourselves are springing from, from our need to get out of ourselves and do something for other people, and feel like we are connected to something bigger than us in life.

That’s all for now, until next time–Natasha.

Respecting other beliefs.

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Respect: esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

In the past few decades we as a people have become very concerned with the proper respect for other people’s beliefs. I hear young Christians now (I mean age wise, not how long they’ve believed) applaud themselves for having atheist friends whom they talk about their beliefs with calmly, and their atheist friends know where they stand, but they don’t try to convince them that their point of view is wrong.

This seems like a good thing, right? But isn’t there kind of a bad side effect. If you never tell anyone they are wrong, then what would prompt them to ever question their beliefs. If all we’re ever told is to go with what we feel is right, then we’ll never question our feelings themselves.

Let me differentiate between the feelings of conscience and the feelings of preference. Conscience is an entirely different feeling, when we feel like we “should” do something, it’s not at all like when we feel we “want” to do something.

A lot of morality now is based on what we want to do being what feels right. Right=pleasurable and comfortable.

And this has crept into the Christian culture. I would call it quasi-Christian culture, because what our perception tells us and what the Bible actually says are often very different. And the Bible is true Christianity, our twisting of it is not.

That being said What does the Bible say about respecting other people’s beliefs?

You won’t find that phrase or idea anywhere in the Bible except as regards to the differences between Christians and what they feel is edifying to God and their bodies.

In fact the Bible might have some strong words for anyone who sees someone living in sin and does not warn them about it.

Sure, people don’t want to hear it. And chances are most of them already know it’s wrong. So I am not advocating just preaching to everyone that they should stop sinning.

But sin is not really the point. Christ is the point. I wonder how exactly Christians can respect other people’s beliefs.

“If you don’t accept Jesus Christ as Lord and repent for your sinful ways, you will go to hell…And I totally respect that.”

Yeah, I respect that you’re going to willingly choose to burn forever without God and get mad at me for warning you about it…

And if you’re not a Christian and this is getting up in your grill, then remember, I am not saying this to your face, I am only saying point blank what Christians claim to believe. And how little it would make sense for us to respect anyone else’s beliefs.

It’s like trying to respect the belief that the moon is made of cheese, nobody would respect that belief. Anyone who tried to eat moon rocks would be laughed at. No one is going to defend their right to be honored for that belief.

Now, you can’t arrest someone for believe that, or demand that they change their mind. Just like you can’t as a Christian force anyone to change their mind. Though there are regrettable instances in our history when we have tried that.

No one should be arrested for their religion…of what they do because of it, yes.

Your belief trumps the law, but you still have to suffer the consequences of breaking the law. Jesus never said any different. And I doubt very much the sincerity of any religious leader that did.

If I ever get persecuted for what I believe so be it. But that won’t change a thing about whether I’m right or not.

No matter how much our media promotes being gay, that will never change whether being gay is morally right or morally wrong. All the applause and approval of the world will never change that, because the world can’t tell you what’s right and what’s wrong.

I think Christians are uncertain about how to witness to people now that they have to respect their beliefs. But the truth is, you don’t. In fact, if you do, you might want to check your heart. (And reread the definition of respect at the top of this post.) Because if the words “well if that’s what they feel is right” have come out of your mouth, that’s a reason for concern.

If I am making a major life choice, I better be darn well sure it’s more than feeling guiding me.

I had better make it clear that I am not advocating disrespecting people.

Uh uh. We respect people. Not beliefs. People’s own right to act on what they believe. But we do not have to respect those beliefs themselves.

And some of us leaders really need to hear this. It’s okay to oppose people who want to propagate their beliefs if you don’t agree with them. You are not keeping the person out. You are keeping their beliefs out.

What’s not okay is to make it anything more than personal preference. To make laws against certain beliefs and make rules. You can be as exclusive as you want, or your school can, or your business, or whatever, but you can’t make that a rule for everyone else. That’s where we run into problems.

We can’t make that call for the rest of the world. But we don’t have to approve what they do. If we approve what God detests, how are we any better than the world?

In fact, we need to hate sin. Not feel tolerant of it.

The more you can hate sin, but not feel an animosity toward people, the closer you are to Christlikeness.

Until next time–Natasha.

The Unimaginable.

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I recently was introduce to the Musical Hamilton. What sold me on it completely was the end. I actually came near to crying, the tears were in my eyes. I know every girl says that about every movie or book with a sappy story in it. But that wasn’t what got to me. Up until the lat half or so of Act 2, I thought it was pretty good. But when Phillip died it got serious, and then this song. “It’s quiet uptown” got to me. I would definitely say listen to it because it’s better with music. But check out these lyrics, especially at the bottom:

 

Angelica: There are moments that the words don’t reach. There is suffering too terrible to name. You hold your child as tight as you can, and push away the unimaginable. The moments when you’re in so deep it feels easier to just swim down.

Hamilton: I spend hours in the garden. I walk alone to the store. And it’s quiet uptown. I never like the quiet before. I take the children to church on Sunday. A sign of the Cross at the door. And I pray. That never used to happen before.

You knock me out, I fall apart.

Company: Can you imagine?

Hamilton: Look at where we are. Look at where we started. I know I don’t deserve you Eliza. But hear me out. That would be enough.

If I could spare his life. If I could trade his life for mine. He’d be standing here right now. And you would smile, and that would be enough. I don’t pretend to know the challenges we’re facing. I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost. And you need time. But I’m not afraid. I know who I married. Just let me stay here by your side. That would be enough.

Company: If you see him in the street walking by her side, talking by her side. Have pity.
Hamilton: Eliza do you like it uptown, it’s quiet uptown.
Company: He is trying to do the unimaginable. See them walking in the park, long after dark. Taking in the sights of the city.

Hamilton: Look around, look around Eliza. 

Company: They are trying to do the unimaginable.
Angelica: There are moments that the words don’t reach. There is a grace too powerful to name. We push away what we can never understand. We push away the unimaginable. They are standing in the garden. Alexander by Eliza’s side. She takes his hand.

Company:

Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
If you see him in the street, walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity. They are going through the unimaginable.

The last part with Angelica and the Company is so true. It stuck me as profound.
In case you haven’t been caught up in the Hamilton craze, let me explain why this is so big. Hamilton cheated on his wife. It’s was a long messed up story, but he ended up publishing his letters with the woman to the public to clear his name. Very, very stupid. And the man was a genius in other respects. (There are some pretty scathing songs directed at him int he musical. And the fans get pretty hard on him too.)
Then Hamilton’s son got in duel, much like his father would after him, and was shot by the other man while he also fired into the air. The Hamiltons moved uptown after that, hence the song.
Eliza we know carried on Hamilton’s legacy after he died, for the next fifty years. She collected letters about him, she started an orphanage. She wanted him to be remembered. She had to know that would meant he affair would be remember too. As it has been. But clearly, she forgave him. Actually it might’ve been sooner then the song suggests, or later. But they had another kid.
Funny, whenever I hear some great forgiveness story on YouTube, I find in the comments that people can’t understand how they could forgive that. It can be fictional, often it’s real life. But either type of forgiveness blows people’s minds.
And it occurs to me how little we encourage it in each’s other. On TV people are petty, and rarely ever let go of event he stupidest of offences. They nag each other. How many of us are imitating that pattern? I know I am far too often.
And I struggle with forgiveness over really serious things. I am committed to justice. When it comes time to let that go, I fine it hard.
 Christians are told to forgive everyone for each offense and show love.
Forgiveness is hard enough even when you’ve been raised to believe in it. But I think it is made harder when as a culture we feed on vengeance.
In entertainment, and the news. In politics. Of someone smears our candidate of choice, we smear theirs. If they talk bad about our party, we talk bad about theirs.
It may surprise you to know I see more blame on My own party’s side in this. Republicans and Conservatives. I think the Left does it too. Possibility more than we do. But I expect that from them. They always have. What shocks me sometimes is the contempt Conservatives show, and the lack of difference between how we talk about them.
True, we acknowledge some of them mean well, but that’s about it.
But political differences are a lot easier to forgive then something like cheating. Probably someone who reads this has been cheated on. It may make you livid to have it suggested that forgiveness is even possible. OR maybe you wish it was. 
This one puts it well. Grace and recovery form grief are both unimaginable to us. I can’t imagine the kind of grief losing a child would be. I can try, but I know I get only a small part of the picture. My Aunt and Uncle have gone through this experience now. They have been quiet about it.
But anger in understandable to, and necessary for a time. The question is, and the question Hamilton is asking himself in this song is can the anger eventually pass? Can it be quiet? And can there be forgiveness?
I understand the outrage over what Hamilton did, and I would find it hard to get past myself. But a lot of couples do. I will say this, a man may make that kind of mistake, but not be worthless. It depends on the man. It depends on the woman too.
That kind of broken trust is hard to repair. But as someone who has been on the receiving end of not being forgiven for a long time, (as many of you have no doubt,) I can’t help but feel some sympathy for Hamilton. 
Until we kill the desire, all of us at one time yearn to be forgiven and to be set free from the guilt of everything we do wrong. Eventually we let that die because we give up hope.
It’s an odd pattern that people who hate God or who give up on Him, tend to not have forgiven themselves or feel forgiven. 
Anger at God for the things that have been done to us it nearly always built on the anger of not feeling forgiven. Which is fear, really, not anger.
Because in the Bible, and in the testimonies I’ve heard, it is always after we’ve been forgiven that we can forgive.
I think we hold grudges as a kind of covering for our own nakedness. So we can say that though we did wrong, we were wronged too, so there should be pity.
That’s not what the Company in this song is talking about when they say to pity Hamilton.
They mean, pity a man who is trying to redeem himself, or trying to accept grace. Because we do hide from what we don’t understand. especially grace.
People have been killed for it. People who forgive have been hated by those they’ve forgiven.
Yet the guilty often only change after  they know they’ve been forgiven. When we get a blank slate, suddenly we feel we can rewrite our story.
Grace is unimaginable, more so than grief, because we live in pain easily, we live in freedom with great difficulty.
But what I love is that int he song, and apparently in history, it happened. Eliza did extend grace. She was a spiritual woman we know.
I guess the only appropriate way for me to end this is by telling you the good news: Jesus offers forgiveness. And maybe you don’t feel it, but you do want it. Or you did once, and it’s just buried.  Maybe it seems to good to be true to you. (Skepticism is built off that feeling) but it’s true. All you have to do is ask him for it. And follow him.
Maybe you have already done that, but do it again. We all need to revisit that often.
And if there is someone who had done the unimaginable to you, there is a chance to forgive them. They will never deserves it. That’s why we can’t understand it. But thank God, we don’t get what we deserve.  The bigger the offense, the more beautiful it is when it’s finally washed away.
Until Next time–Natasha.

Being Possessive.

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I know I don’t post on Sundays, but my day of rest has really been Saturday, so I thought I’d make an exception.

Something has caught my attention about when I’ve gotten crushes. I’ve had a handful, some girls seem to stop having them after high-school, others have them in their thirties. I  am not here to speculate as to why. Girls like boys. End of story.

But what having a crush can do to you is another matter. It feels great. But I would not be the first by a long shot to say it can also be frustrating. I am sure boys must feel the same way. I just don’t here them talk about it. Because of course, why would they tell me?

I’ve gathered from other girls and from my own experience that a crush can be the sweetest torture there is. It drives you crazy but you don’t want it to stop.

There’s something about being infatuated with someone else that somehow enables you to be focused on someone other than you and forget your own problems, while still being selfish.

A crush is rarely anything like real love. It tends to come with a blindness to the other person’s faults and a belief that they would be just as blind to yours if they ever noticed you. You want them to, but the idea scares you to death also.

Sometimes with more thoughtful people, a crush is like love. They may truly respect the object of their affections and wish them well, and even feel that the person has a right to make up their own mind.

But that’s rare. Most of my crushes were because I was lonely and didn’t have a lot of friends. I tended to get them when I was going through difficult emotional transitions. In a way, I think crushes are a coping mechanism. Perhaps a God-given one. It is preferable to other mechanisms. But crushes are more addictive than heroine. You may try not to think of them, but it’s really hard.

Some people advise you not to nurse it. That can work. Sometimes I think just letting it run its course will get you over it faster. But if you know you get obsessed, that’s not the best idea.

Girls handle it differently. Some have no shame in admitting their feelings, even to the boy. Others deny it consistently.

I find crushes inconvenient. They distract me from the things I need to get done, and the ministries I serve in. I have a penchant for crushing on guys who work with kids (some of you ladies know what I’m talking about.) You can imagine that gets distracting.

I think crushes help keep us from feeling bored and like our lives are empty. But that’s a false kind of feeling.

Or is it? Perhaps even puppy love is a kind of love that makes life worth living. It’s normal to get a crush, it shows we are capable of caring about someone else. If nothing else, crushes are rarely just physical for girls. Even if they are often inexplicable. We don’t know why we like a particular fellow.

But what this brings out in me that I don’t like is a kind of possessive behavior. I’m bringing this up because from what I’ve heard this goes into dating and even marriage relationships. (Especially marriage.)

This feeling that you deserve more of the other person’s time and energy than anyone else does. In marriage, to a degree, that can be true. Some things should be special between you. But in dating and especially in crushes, it’s just not right. Jealousy over someone who might not even like you is foolish. Not that that ever helps. Jealousy is not often connected with reason.

God did tell Eve “you will have desire for your husband and he will rule over you.” I don’t think he meant sexual desire.

It would be easy enough not to be ruled by men if we didn’t want them around so much, wouldn’t it ladies. But don’t get a big head guys, you need us desperately.

Frankly maybe God was being merciful when he cursed us with that. We do need each other, but humans are so selfish by nature that if it wasn’t for that desire, maybe we wouldn’t stick together.

Still, ideally as a Christian, we learn to love people the way God does, not for our selfish desires. And where does that put a Christian girl with a crush, or any other girl who wants more than the norm?

The hard answer is that it’snot right to indulge selfish thoughts on purpose. We daydream, sometimes without intending to, and I get that. But we all know when we’re going too far. Imagining that person devoted exclusively to us.

Maybe I have issues, because I cant really imagine that anymore. I don’t think I want it. At 19, I think I realize that if someone is obsessed with you alone, he or she has no higher purpose or calling in their lives. And why would  I want someone like that? I don’t intend to be that person.

It’s important for the Christian to ask themselves how much of what they want satisfied in their crush is something God is meant to satisfy. Unconditional love? One man in a hundred might have it. But he’ll never have as much as God. He can’t. Any more than you can.

Ladies, we need to remember that men are no better than we are. How many selfish things do we do each day, each week, each year? Some men are better than their women. God bless them. But they are still selfish. All people are selfish. Some of us just have learned to not give into it often. I hope to be that person someday.

When you daydream about your man, ask yourself, would you like this guy, knowing if you were together he would do selfish and inconsiderate things? He might do them all  the time, at worst every day, or if you’ve got an exceptional one, he might do them once in a while. But he’ll do them. And it’ll make you cry.

And not to leave men out, your girl, she’ll be blind to your feelings and do things without considering if it bothers you. Maybe she’s too distracted by her problems to realize it. Likely it’s an accident. (If it’s not, dump her.)

My mom is one of the most unselfish people I know, she does things that irritate me still.

This is no reason to give up on men or women. We would be hypocritical to do so. But we would be delusional to thinking it won’t happen.

And even though you might think “it’s just a crush.” You want to watch how you think when you crush, because that’s the base of how you view romance. And romance is not always fine words and thought out presents.

Hallmark gets that wrong.

Romance is when your girlfriend doesn’t complain about your bad habits to her friends even when it drives her nuts. It’s when your boyfriend changes his plans because you’re having a bad day. It’s when your wife makes you dinner after working all day herself, when your husband does the dishes after a hard day.

At least I think so. Candy and hearts is fine and can be very thoughtful at the right moment. But it’s not real. Not without foundation. That’s what I’m trying to say.

–Natasha.

(Don’t) Hit on me.

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No this is not about how I hate men and don’t want to ever date.

This is about how some things aren’t so simple as they used to be.

Today for the second time I had some random guy come up to me out of nowhere and say “hi, how ya doing?” The first time I was sitting down during my lunch period and minding my own business, reading up on my English homework I believe. This time I was walking away form my campus’es learning center and some guy walking behind me just addressed me with no warning.

My sister pointed out, may be he was trying to be nice, or maybe it was a dare. My theory was he’s not American and somebody told him that in America you say hello to random people. (Both times the people were Asian and my college has many international students, so this could be a fair guess.)

That’s best case scenario.

I can tell you as a single woman at a secular college where we get warned about walking alone anywhere, three things are going through my head when a man I don’t know asks  me how I’m doing.

A. Are you hitting on me?

B. That’s kind of creepy.

C. Why are you talking to me? Do I look familiar?

Hey, I could just be overly suspicious of people…but I doubt it.

In a small town, or in the same neighborhood, this might not be weird. Also, if you said it in a friendly tone. This guy just kind of said it like he was forcing himself to say it. Then he must’ve chickened out because without another word he turned and walked into a different building, and I stared after him in bewilderment. (Perhaps the fact that I responded with an awkward wave and a baffled expression helped.)

Plus, I am taking a self-defense course, so the other thing running through my mind it: Do I have to use it?

Now, we young collegiates, we can be kind of cocky. We might want to get in a street fight just to show we could handle it. There are both good and bad reasons for feeling that way. I think part of it is to have the assurance that we can handle it. That’s what most of us crave, validation.

But I hear older men brag about how they could kick someone’s rear end too (not that they use that term.) I myself like to say how I would physically react to certain behaviors.

I guess I am a more aggressive person. Even though I admire Gandhi for what he did and his strength of character, I have never believe in non violence.

I was watching this comedian yesterday and he said you’ll change your mind about fighting after you’ve seen it.

I say, only if you’re an only child or you had a sibling who wouldn’t fight you. Or parents who wouldn’t let you fight.

I don’t believe violence is always the answer. But as a Christian I notice the Bible has no problem endorsing it when the situation calls for it. It also condemns attacking innocent people and shedding blood when it is unnecessary.

The Bible is pretty hard on women who refuse to try to get help if someone tries to rape them. In the Old Testament, if you were raped in town and did not scream, you were considered guilty of sexual sin. If you were out in the country, you were off the hook because if you did scream no one heard you.

Now I know that someone can be raped and scream and no one might help them, the Bible knows that too. The people were always supposed to come before God and the priest so those fine details could be sorted out. But the Biblical principle is clear. If you let someone violate you, you share the responsibility.

There’s many reasons a woman might not be able to scream or do anything, but the message is if she could resist, she should. And if you can defend yourself, clearly that’s your job.

I think it’s a big problem to tell kids all violence is wrong and unjustified. If a parent thinks they can prevent their kids form doing violence, if the kid has a mind to, they are delusional. And if they think their children will be safe without some ability to defend themselves, in this day and age, that’s getting to be delusional also

Boys especially, but girls also, they will use force. If you deny that’s part of the way the world works, you’re living in a bubble.

Violence is not something to use all the time. The Bible also makes it clear that violence in war is acceptable because it it necessary. Good men don’t start wars, but if evil men do so, it would be evil to surrender to them without a fight.

That’s the stance on it, if you do not resist evil when it threatens anyone but you, you are part of the problem. We are told not to resist an evil man when he abuses us (within the correct context) and to turn the other cheek. But that is when only ourselves are at risk. Or a group of people who share our convictions and will accept the same fate.

Jesus himself resisted evil and evil men, but not through doing evil or even violence. he resisted them in words, and deeds that were contrary to what they taught.

Basically the rule is: do what is right and merciful, and if it’s in line with the law of tha land, then submit to that law. If doing right becomes illegal, you still have to do it.

My encounter today didn’t end up being threatening, and I hope I don’t have to go through that. And there’s a time and a place to resist, and a time and a place to not. But I see no shame is having to knowledge and ability to defend myself to the best of my strength. Beyond that, there’s not much I can do.

It’s sad to me that women have to consider this no matter where they go. And that men have to be so careful how they act, even if they have the best of intentions, women are never certain at first. I don’t like that the world is like this, but I have to be ready for it.

Until next time–Natasha. download