It’s that time of year again.

I’m waiting for my family to get ready so we can open presents, since, you know, that’s how we do.

I thought I’d write a short post about how Christmas has changed for me a bit this year.

We still did all the same things, but I felt like I wanted to do them myself more this year.

The last few years, I’ve kind of lost my enthusiasm for a lot of the things I used to like as a kid. I didn’t want to decorate the tree, listen to the music, or do cookies and lights and all the other stuff.

I’m not sure if it had something to do with my dad moving out, and the subsequent depression and anxiety that followed for a few years, or if it was as I’ve become an adult, I don’t have the same childlike enthusiasm as before, so I didn’t see a point to it all.

This year though, I found myself wanting to do those things again. And I did, I actually helped do a lot more than before. I set up the tree, and my sister and I made cookies since our mom had to work.

My sisters and I have all had to step up more and more often as our schedules get more busy and our mom’s does too. We’ve taken on more and more responsibilities.

That stressed me out more last year, but this year I felt more into it.

But I really think the change is more of tied to my new job somehow. I’ve noticed I’ve become a lot more productive even at home, since starting it.

It’s hard to believe how much of a difference it makes but because at this job I’m treated like an adult (instead of a student like I was at the last job), I’ve grown to see myself with more self respect.

It’s not that I didn’t try to be a good worker at previous jobs, but I felt always lile I was treated as beneath my boss, even when they were nice to me.

This job, even though I’ve made mistakes, sure, everyone does, I’m never belittled or treated poorly. So I’ve gained the ability to be able to offer solutions to problems and enact them myself. And instead of getting in trouble for doing things differently than the others, I’ve been told it’s good that I came up with my own approach.

I now understand why people find good work environments make such a difference. While I coudl survive in a bad one, if I had to, the good one makes you feel more like a person.

And carrying that self respect back home, I also made more contributes to the household budget (small ones but I tried) and did more chores and stuff. Because now I feel more like an adult.

I’m 26, I’ve been an adult for several years, but the mindest just wasn’t fully thre for me. I mean, I’ve not been immature, but I guess it was more of not feeling like other people gave me credit for it. That feels different now.

It shifts, really.

To cap it off, I bought my second car (first one I’ve paid for though) this month, and that was another milestone.

I also wil file taxes for the first time next year. Yay…

But actually, making enough income to even need to worry about filing was something I prayed about. I don’t relish the idea of paying them, but if I’m finally not under the poverty line, then that’s good. (I know you can file even if you are, but I made a few thousand at most the year before this so it was literally pointless to even bother with that. This is the first year I’ve made more.)

I think also, as I’m older now, I’ve realized that I won’t always be able to do all this with my family.

Not that I’m planning to move out, get married, or anything else any time soon. But it will happen eventually.

I know everyone says that, but, I think it is true. Maybe it’s just a phase of life to realize that. Kids are always looking forward to the next thing, which is not bad, they have their whole life ahead of them.

Elderly people tend to look behind them, though some of them don’t, but many live in the past.

I’m not sure there’s any one age where you decide to live in the present, at least not universally, but I think that’s kind of what I’ve been thinking.

And Christmas is the time to think about present, right?

Ha ha…I know, bad joke.

But at the same time, I mean…yeah, the holidays are kind of what let us slow down and see where we are right now.

Maybe that’s why God commanded so many of them in the bible. A lot of people don’t know this, but Celebration is actually considered a spiritual discipline by the Christian church.

Because it is a discipline, isn’t it? It takes work to make celebrations. And it’s something I’ve never been very good at. I was an anxiety ridden teenager and child, and as an adult, I’ve only made steps outside that in the last couple years.

So I understood why it’s actually an act of self will to celebrate.

But if you do, if you build up tha muscle, eventually you’ll come to see why it matters so much.

Feasts, dedications, festivals, they help us remember the good things that happened in the year.

Gretchen Rubin, author of the the “Happiness Project” wrote in her book that “the days are long but the years are short.”

That’s so true.

We experience the present as a long time, day by day, but it drops away from us into the past so quickly. The older I get, the faster it goes.

I’m not really sad about this. I think change is important and it’s often fun, and good. I’m not as afraid of it as a I was as a kid.

But nonetheless, we can miss what’s good in our lives if we never pause to think about it.

Every book and movie about Christmas feels like it’s about that, doesn’t it?

Maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe it’s something that humans just know, deep down, about holidays.

And remember that in the Bible, the angel told the shepherds “Peace on Earth and good will to men”. Designating the birth of Christ as the time to celebrate and have good will to each other.

So I have good will that all of you will have a good Christmas.

And even if you are dealing with some tough stuff this Christmas, try to find something to celebrate.

(I get to have a dentist appointment tomorrow that I didn’t want, and that’s just the beginning, so no, my life is not perfect right now, but, I’m not letting that steal my joy.)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight, day, and whatever is in between.

Until next time–Natasha (do you know that name means Christmas? Fitting right.)