connection

I’m in Control.

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I hope I won’t lose points if I admit that I do, on occasion, like to watch Barbie movies. Barbie annoys the heck out of me 90% of the time, but now and then the company comes out with a good movie. (Is there a hashtag for that?) In case anyone reading likes her, here are my top three: Barbie and  The Fairy Secret, Barbie Princess Charm school, And Barbie Starlight Adventure. The titles are the worst, I admit, but the content isn’t. Okay, now to why I am bringing this up. In yet another movie (The Princess and the Pop star,)045 there’s  a song that’s pretty good, and one line in it has always grabbed my attention. “I’m in control, I broke the mold, the girl you see is up to me.” (Here I am.) It’s a standard theme, being yourself.

But I always think of the implications. It’s one thing to be yourself, it’s another to think that means no rules, no boundaries. “No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free!” I love Elsa, but I’ve never like that part of the song. But  the words “I’m in control” from the above song, those warrant a little reflection.

What does it mean to be in control? Especially of your career, your life, your self.

Well we all know one can’t be in control of one’s career, disaster can strike, at any time. We hope it will not, or we ignore the possibility, but it is there. You can make career choices, but you can’t control accidents, economy, or public zeal.

Being in control of our life is something a lot of us really want. If only we could meet all its demands, and still do something meaningful. If we could know we were making a difference. Well, we are, whether we know it or not. No one is inconsequential. On our own strength, I really don’t think we can balance all aspects of life. And that is because of thing number three.

If we can’t control ourselves, then we can’t control anything else. I heard the term Self-Control for years before I knew what it was. I’m still figuring it out actually, but this is what I’ve got so far: Self Control is the ability to keep your feelings and impulses from ruling your behavior. It is not banishing all feeling of pain or sadness, it is simply not letting those feelings ruin your life. Self Control means if you get angry, you can keep from blowing up at someone, even if they deserve it. Self Control means you’ll do what you intend to, and not get side tracked or succumb to temptation.

In that movie of movies, Frozen, Elsa thinks for a while that the key to freedom is having no rules to break. But no one has to tell her that’s not true, she realizes it pretty quickly after her sister informs her that she’s plunged her entire kingdom into deep winter; eternal winter they think. (I suppose there’s no proof it was eternal.) Elsa finds out that whether she’s around man-made rules or not, there are rules of nature. Fear does affect things. And she’d not gotten rid of hers yet. Fear is very hard to control, I’ll admit. Sometimes you can’t, the only time you can is when something else is more important than fear. I make this point because so many things in ourselves that we don’t control are fear-based. Anger is, panic is, stress is, binging is. The answer is, of course, Love.

Love is my favorite thing to talk about, because it’s all we need. Every need finds its root in love. God’s love is the cure for every fear, and human love can do wonders as well.

Before Self Control, comes love. So at best, the message that you can be yourself when you learn self-control is half cocked. You can be yourself when you know you’re loved. Bottom line. And I mean really loved, unconditionally.

All right, that’s all I’ve got for now. Next time–Natasha.

A stand?

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Whew! Election day is finally past. I’m not against elections, but all of them cannot have been as intense as this one was. I’m not unhappy with the results, but  I won’t go into that, I’m fairly certain everyone who reads my blog can guess my political positions. Anyway, what’s concerning me more is what to do now. Even when the person you wanted is elected, it’s not like some magic spell is going to suddenly give you a chance to do something with it.

I keep seeing and hearing about protests.

I remember when I was a few years younger, I might react like that.

It’s easy to react, and maybe the protesters honestly think they can help something by raising their voice.

I think that poses the more interesting question here. It would be easy to just shake my head at their antics, but what if they have a point? Isn’t it a free country?

This is where it gets more complicated. I like to say that freedom is not freedom without responsibility. A phrase I came up with to sum up my belief that unless you guard yourself, you’ll soon become enslaved to something, even if you don’t realize it. Like the words “I know I need to stop, but…” It’s denial. I support freedom in any area of life, but only if it’s used responsibly.

It’s a question I have to deal with a lot as I transition from minor to adult. What is just sass and disrespect, and what is a legitimate issue that I need to be more in control of if I’m going to learn. I don’t believe there’s an easy answer, because every situation is different when it comes to this. But I have some guidelines.

  1. If I am just raising my voice in anger, and fear, then it is not a stand; it is a plea. It may be a legitimate plea. I think people should be willing to listen to pleas, there may be a real neglect or abuse happening and it needs to be rectified. But, a plea does not deserve to be treated like a principle. A plea is, usually, simply what you, the plea-er, want. It’s not bad to get what you want on occasion, if it’s a good thing , but if you act like what you want is a law of life for the people around you, then they will laugh at you. And rightly so, because not a single one of us deserves that kind of preference
  2. Have I checked my facts? If what you are taking a stand on is something your really know nothing about, beyond what people have told you, the chances are you’ve been misinformed. The people I respect the most have sometimes given me faulty information, not intentionally , but because they were given false information, and so the story goes on. Even the best sources can have an incomplete picture so it’s good to go to more than one. I just had such an experience this past week.
  3. Am I considering the good of all? In  the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, one of them is “Think win–win.” It means you need to think about what’s best for everyone, yourself included, so that no one gets shortchanged. If we don’t practice this habit, someone is always oppressed, or just plain exhausted. Find things you can agree on with the other party.

If all these fail it may be the time to realize that not everything is worth making a fuss over. Some millennials are never told this, and some, like me, are told it but still have to really struggle to get it ingrained. It took me a long time to develop  thicker skin, I hope it takes other people less time. I am a sensitive person, but I’ve learned that I can’t use that as an excuse to get down every time someone does something I don’t like. And the miracle is, once you stop letting it get you down, often you stop noticing it period.

Since I’m running long, I’ll stop this here. If you have anything to add be sure and comment. I know I need this if nothing else. So maybe some meditation would behoove us all. Catch you later–Natasha.

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Bridge the gap.

For freedom we are free.

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I read an interesting idea from Abraham Lincoln, (I’ve been studying historical figures,) he said that God did not give Adam the tree of knowledge of good and evil so he could choose between the two, but so he could choose to not to eat of it. (I’m paraphrasing.) I’ve never heard this idea before. I’ve thought for a long time that Free Will means the ability to choose between right and wrong. Of course we know that it’s not right to choose wrong, but God won’t stop us.

But Lincoln gave me a paradigm shift. I believe whole heartedly the Good and Evil are real things. But what if freedom is not choosing between them, but simply choosing. It sounds like the same thing, I know. But let’s dive in deeper.

The thing about evil is, it depends upon the fact that the longer you allow it, the less you can resist it. The Bible says Sin makes us its slave. But I haven’t been the only one to think that it’s kind of unfair that Adam makes one choice, and screws up the rest of humanity. Yet that’s how it is. It’s called the Ripple Effect. Plus, every person re-enacts the scenario found in Genesis, we all have Good and Evil before us, we all at some point decide what we want to know.

Knowing Good and Evil is not the same as knowing it exists. Adam and Eve knew that tree was there, but they didn’t know what it was to be evil, to do evil, or to understand it. They were innocent. God made them good, but perhaps they didn’t know what that meant either. The choice they really had was God, or getting knowledge their own way. God didn’t set them up, the tree was not a bad thing, it was how it was used that was.

That’s another theory in of itself, but what I’m trying to get at is that Freedom to  Choose remains freedom only as long as you choose rightly. That’s the nature of choice, to be able to make the right decision, not just any decision.

It used to be that people would tell you what a bad decision was, none of this nonsense about it being up to you to decide what was right. People, there is a difference between choosing right, and choosing what Right is. I don’t mean that we can’t  decide what is the right course of action,  but we don’t set the standard.

If God really wants what’s best for us, then he want us to be free. Evil doesn’t make you free, it makes you evil. Stealing makes you a thief, drugs make you an addict, lying makes you a liar, etc. Once you are that, how can you ever not be that again? Your deeds stand. We do have a choice, we can choose God. That is the only choice we have, because he allows us to keep our choice. Evil doesn’t. You get in, it won’t let you get out.

But I don’t despair. Evil may trap us, but evil is not the most powerful thing in the world and we all know if you can’t free yourself, the only option is to be rescued by someone stronger than your captor. This is why the Word says Christ freed us, and “It is for freedom that Christ set us free.” You might say Christ freed us for our own benefit, or you might say he freed us so we could be reconciled to God, but the Christian knows those two things are the same. It’s true, we are described as slaves for Christ, but slavery to one thing is freedom from another.

Freedom is choosing God, that is just the fact. I know from my own experience that this is true. There are tons of reasons to back it up, but I suggest Mere Christianity as a resource if you’re curious.

(This post got preachy, but I want everyone to know that was unintentional, I was thinking as I typed. I don’t just say this stuff, I really think this way. So it’s no more preachy than anyone else sharing their thought. I’m only saying this to clarify that I wasn’t proselytizing.)

Whether you like my conclusion or not, this subject is certainly intriguing. Feel free to  comment with your thoughts. Until next post–Natasha.

When you mess up.

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The past is past. Put it all behind you. Forgive, forget. Move on. It’s a closed issue. Let it go.

These are all ways to say that you can’t spend your time in regret and resentment. I have to say, I try not to screw up. I try to be good. I have a hard admitting if I fail. Not if I’ve done a “little” thing; like said something rude, but it’ll be forgotten by tomorrow, especially if I apologize. (By the way, have you ever had someone say they don’t even know what you’re talking about, or they’d forgotten about it, when you say you’re sorry for something. I get this quite a bit. I think it’s be better to just accept the apology, but that’s not a rule, it’s a suggestion.) But if I have an ongoing problem.

To be honest, I’m one of those people who really doesn’t realize how certain expressions and words can come across. I’m inside my head so much, I tend to know more what I mean, then what other people think I mean. But sometimes I worry about it enough to go the other way, and worry too much about people reading into my words. I know I’m not alone in this problem. So let’s talk.

I’ll just cut right to the heart of the issue, if I may. It’s not about being unable to let go of stuff. It’s about whether you believe you should. When you want to be a good and kind person, it’s easy to pour on the shame when you fail, as a self imposed punishment. I think the problem is two fold: On the one hand, we can’t fix ourselves, so we feel ashamed; on the other hand, we don’t want to let God help us.

It’s like, no matter how much our life sucks, it’s our life, and we should control it. Then we can’t. And we get mad at life for taking control out of our hands. Even though, who on earth told us we could have it in the first place? I know, I’m in favor of the “It’s your life” slogan. But I hope all my readers know that what I mean by that is you’re responsible for how much you do, and don’t do, and your attitude; not that you can fix everything with a little time and effort.

So maybe when I get frustrated that I screwed up, a part of me is just upset that I can’t see it coming every time. And maybe a part of me wants to be perfect, because it seems like I should be. And to be honest, a part of me is also scared that I won’t bounce back if I make the wrong move. How far is too far? How far before I can’t go back? You all know what I’m talking about.

But in the end, the only real way to live is to know you’re flawed, but to believe you can change. And to know that change comes through love, not through shame, effort, or any other medium. Don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry, don’t get down if someone doesn’t accept your apology, just live it out. And get excited when you win a battle. Record your wins and your losses.

If I may end with the lyrics from a song I like, it goes like this:

You know you can’t stay right where you fell. The hardest part is forgiving yourself. So let’s take a walk into today, and don’t let the past get in your way!

Yesterday is history, and history is miles and miles away. So leave it all behind you, let it always remind you of the day, the day that love made history.

Would you believe that you are history in the making? Every choice that you are making; every step that you are taking, every chain that you are breaking; history is in the making. Every word that you are saying; every prayer that you are praying; every chain that  you are making; history is in the making. ( History–Mathew West.)

–Natasha

Keep calm–it’s almost election time!!

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First, ahhhhhh!

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s talk.

I know putting anything political in a post is seen as begging for attention by a lot of people. But believe me, I’m more scared of people reading it than ignoring it. However I’ve been fortunate to receive no hate comments so far and that may continue if I’m lucky.

I have my pick of candidates but I won’t be voting, (I can’t,) so I basically am joining every other underage concerned teen in rolling my eyes half the time, and praying for the adults to make the right choice the other half. I think we ought to get some credit for keeping our sanity this time of year. Okay, that was kind of a joke.

Actually it’s alarming how few of us seem really invested in our country. How many voters vote based off their own research and study of the way this country is meant to run? Don’t most of them just watch the news and figure it out based on that? (Imagine me banging my head on the wall.) But I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, I think most voters do want the best for the country, but half of us are clearly confused about what that is, I won’t say which half.

Of course the pressure is on, the rest of the world is watching us closely. Even though it’s a popular theme in song lyrics to welcome the attention of the whole world, has anyone ever seriously thought about how terrifying that is? Then we have the fatalists telling us it’s all over, and we (the younger generation) are doomed to pick up the pieces. And the slightly too cheerful folks who think that times have never been better. (Really?) And then there are those who fall in the middle. I think honestly we’re all tired of hearing about change and never seeing it, and hearing about problems but never about them getting any better. I doubt that statistics are a reliable source anyway, problems get better one person at a time, one day at a time, one choice at a time.

The election is a formality, the problems are already there, and until the nation changes, the politics won’t. The real issue you won’t hear about on the news is that people are out of touch with America’s roots. We don’t know what we don’t know. We might all know something about the rights we were given. (Given by who? The government? Or God?) But do we know how those rights are preserved? Or how we decided who deserved them?

I don’t fear the election as much as I fear overall ignorance of the truth. I’ve always thought that a powerful leader is only powerful as long as other people follow them, when people stop following them there’s nothing much they can do anymore.

We need strong-hearted, large-souled, men and women of courage and character. That’s our fix.

So no, I won’t be endorsing a particular candidate, because it’s more important that we stop being selfish, and start thinking about what is best for everyone. That’s how we survive and overcome a crisis, every time. ( And faith is a huge part of that for many.)

This post was suggested by one of my siblings, and I’d been intending to write it anyway, so I hope it was enjoyed. Until next time–Natasha.

The time to be careful

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I’m not big on telling people to be overly cautious, I think taking risks is necessary. but personally I’ve realized lately that there is one are in life where you just can’t be too careful. And that is in what you let into your mind.

That probably surprised no one. But I’m serious. Homeschoolers are famously cautious, sheltered, and out of touch with the popular trends. At least I am, I was the kid in youth group who always had to ask what something was that everyone else knew about like it was their life story. Paradoxically, I always knew the answers to bible-related questions, or I’d read the spiritual boo, or heard of the preacher, or whatever. if you know any scenarios like this yo know that basically makes you the smart one who is socially challenged.

Now, I freely admit that over the years I’ve changed, I watch a lot more popular stuff, and I’m familiar with more trends, and that’s fine because I’m not from another planet for crying out loud. But there is a price that comes with it. If you are not a sheltered person than you may never have known the shock of learning for the first time what abortion is. Or the statistics on teen suicide, or sex, or violence. I wasn’t teased about being different till I was 13 at least.  I also didn’t realize that cynicism was a thing, even in my own family, until I was 12 I think. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve actually had a first time for all this stuff, I didn’t grow up being aware of it. And that does have an affect on you.

What it has to do with the mind is pretty clear. I am much more concerned with the state of my inner self than I think I would be if I’d grown up exposed to all these other problems at a young age. I regard how clean my mind is as crucial to how heathy I am as a person. That means that nothing is minor. There is no such thing as a harmless bad idea. There is only the bad stuff you can overlook, and the bad stuff you can’t. But it’s there and it has to be taken into account. This is how I’ve always thought and it was a surprise to me that it’s a pretty rare view of things. It’s funny that the same people who complain about apathy will brush off the need to be careful in what you put into your mind. I mean, do we really think they aren’t connected?

I find everyone usually agrees with me to this point, until I name a specific source that they happen to like, then I generally hear this:

“But I know it’s not real.”

“I’m not like the person who did so and so because they got the idea from a movie.”

“But I like it.”

Of course, more recently, I also get the less defensive and more aggressive claim that I’m just nutty for minding this stuff.

Well, I could be. Certainly if no one cares what’s in their mind , I sound crazy for caring  a lot.

But as soon as I started thinking this way, I immediately had problems with my mind going places I didn’t want it to go. And trying to accept ideas that I strongly disagree with. Nit because I’m any the more convinced they are correct, but because there is social pressure to accept certain beliefs, we all know that. But What if you don’t want to accept them? Why would you weaken yourself?

This is the thing, I don’t go to school or work (yet.) So if I can feel pressured just by media sources and books I read, how much more can the rest of us who are surrounded by other people who don’t believe as we do. I don’t advocate avoiding people who think differently, but I do advocate taking stock of your own thought life.

there are a few good questions to ask yourself.

  1. Have my beliefs changed over the years?
  2. If so, which ones and why?
  3.  And how did they change, was I convinced, did I get a revelation? A moment of clarity? Or was it a slow change because of what everyone around me thought.

I don’t want to sound too preachy. This doesn’t apply just to religion. It can apply to your image, your relationship expectations, your dreams and goals, and you character. And since I care deeply about those things, I have to be concerned with what I feed my mind. And that’s all I’m going to say for now. I’m pushing 800 words as it is.

until next time–Natasha.