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Learn me right–2

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So, as I said at the end of y last post, no one can make you stop caring except you.

But what do teens care about? Is it really video games, and dating, and drugs, and pop starts.

Well, most of us do care about at least three of those, and often too much. But I think we choose to zero in on those things for a few specific reasons.

  1. We don’t listen to our parents.

I’m serious. Just about every parent I know thinks kids should not spend an excessive amount of time playing with a little screen in their hand. My parents would have never let me date till I was a reasonable age, which is not 13 or 14, like a lot of kids start now. And parents also disapprove of a lot of music and the behaviors of many celebrities.

If teens listened to their parents on this, being obsessed with that stuff would at least be harder, or more in check, then just having free reign over their choices.

2. Nobody stops us.

A lot of us are just dying for someone to keep us more in line, but we often end up being the more strong willed person in our interactions with authority figures. (Thanks due in part to the many unnecessary law suits over disciplinary actions.)

3. Perhaps most importantly, we aren’t given a reason to look beyond what’s right in front of us.

It really saddens me to think that by the time I have kids of my own, things like books, and manual driven cars may be close to being extinct. I miss letter writing or even email being a thing. And I miss people taking notes on real note paper instead of on an app on their electronic device.

Technology has its uses, the problem is we have this immense amount of power when it comes to information, yet we are not taught how to use it responsibly.

For my money, the experience of going on a field trip yourself beats any instructional video you can find on the internet. There’s no movie you can watch that make you actually be there, be breathing n a different culture or place. And nothing you see on a screen exercises your imagination like reading a page of  a book.

It’s fine to use a computer for things that aren’t super important, and won’t shape your character in a large way; but when that becomes our main mode of interaction, we fail to see anything beyond that.

I’m sure this is nothing you haven’t heard before, but though we talk about it, what do we do about it?

May young people who have ideals do not reach for them simply because they don’t know how. If fact, our technology may be the most contact we can have with something bigger than our own lives, which is very sad, but all too often the case. This is nothing new, teens have wanted to be part of something greater than their world for ages. Whether it was getting out of a small town or getting out of the city, or getting out of their country; they wanted more.

It’s my firm belief that we were all meant to have more. Way back in Genesis, God placed man and woman in a garden, but He told them to fill the earth and subdue it.

Think about that for a moment. A garden is a wonderful place, I’d gladly live there, but I would not stay there, and neither would you. A garden is a place to rest in and nurture, but we all want to expand, and we all want to go out and conqueor challenges. We are meant to.

I’d like to quote two characters from that old-ish show Kim Possible.

Both of them have something to say to this subject. The first one, Shego, my personal favorite, really won me over when she replied to her boss’s condescending suggestion that she spend more time on the internet “No thank you, I have a life.”

I cheered.

The other, Kim herself, once was summing up her accomplishments, and on top of saving the world, she added “And looked Josh Mankey straight in the eye.”

I thin Kim has a point here, not every thing has to be big and fame worthy to be important to you. And Shego at least understands that internet subsistence will leave you starving for real things.

Actually one of Shego’s better traits is to do things herself in the most efficient way she can, versus Kim who likes jumping over stuff, even when she could just walk through a door.

They are both right in a way though, it’s good to challenge yourself, but it’s also good to keep things in proportion. Which is why when we get bogged down in the everyday, like myself and my friends, we can lose track of the grand purpose of our lives.

I’ve never heard of someone being given an average destiny. God tells all his people that they are priests, and Paul tells all Christians that we will be rulers. There is no such thing as an average destiny.

Survival is really a myth. Human beings are not meant to survive, as a song I’ve heard says, we’re made to thrive.

To bring this back to my original point about young people and youth groups; my theory is, young people don’t truly want to survive. (Braveheart anyone?) They want to feel like they have an important role in life. But you can’t look at what everyone else is doing and figure out your role. Personally, I’ve realized I don’t want what everyone else has, I want, as Shawn Hunter from Girl Meets World said “What I’m supposed to have.”

I don’t think I’m alone in this either. We really need to listen to what teens actually are trying to tell us. And help them before they get caught in the web of survival.

Learn me right–1.

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Today I started thinking about the years I spent sitting in Youth Group feeling frustrated.

I’ve started going to a new youth group by the way, which appears to be much better.

But I always wanted to know why youth don’t seem to take their faith or the bible seriously.

The conversations I’ve had with other teens about passages in the bible that aren’t often talked about, well their ignorance or indifference is surprising.

But over the years I’ve sat in Church services that talked to grown men and women pretty much how the youth leaders talk to their youth, only the adult services focus more on sin.

as any Christian teen over here can tell you, Youth Groups tend to cover purity, identity, and not behind addicted to technology by being a good example to your friends.

And all those are great messages, which I have needed and still need. The problem was, those messages should be seasonal, or every so often, but they made up the bulk of my youth group teaching.

As a homeschooler, I always felt like it was to easy for me. No one talked about books much, no one watched the same movies as I did, often enough; and no one expected me to retain much of what I heard, or to do the ridiculously easy assignments.

People could come to our youth leaders with their problems, but they couldn’t seem to actually follow their example. Why?

I don’t have a magic answer, but let me tell you about a contrasting experience I had.

When I went on my missions trip, the other teens were the most well-behaved, respectful bunch of peers I’ve probably ever been around. Except other homeschoolers. (Sorry, but it’s true.) We all wanted similar things, we all took pains to be nice to each other and to serve the people of Cambodia well. A lot of them also ate bugs, but hey, that’s normal in Asia. (And most other places except America.)

Phones were still a bit of an issue, but they at least kept it to a minimal. what made this group so different?

Well, the sad thing is, it didn’t stay that way entirely. Once we all go back, all of us hit some heavy obstacles in our everyday lives. Some of us floundered, others kept right on swimming. I admire one member of the group in particular for continuing to be of service to the people around them. I myself had to deal with a lot even the very day I came home.

I’ve never been common, and I don’t think anyone else would exactly fit the societal mode either, so what caused some of us to lose our grip?

My theory is it’s the same thing that plagues most other young people, here and in every place where kids have the opportunity to d more than survive.

You see, there’s a principle of life. Your situation is not what matters, it’s your outlook.

The fact is, no matter how hard our life is, we choose whether we live just for survival or not.

I have known plenty of people who are just trying to get through every day, whether its’ doing their school, their work, or possibly actually trying to keep food on their plate.

And like or not, when you live like the day-to-day challenges are the worst thing in your life, you have adopted an attitude of survival.

It’s not a good way to live, because it’s selfish, and it makes your vision very narrow.

They wonder why teens don’t care about church, it’s probably because they have learned to survive without it.

Personally, if I hadn’t found a good church to go to, I’d be at the end of my rope right now. I need the encouragement of being around other people who believe, people who I can sing to God with and they wont’ think I’m crazy. Non-believers take that kind of freedom for granted, I think. But it’s harder to find than it seems.

They say that the church is not relevent. That may true of some churches. But the ones I have gone to are usually quite relevant to some people. They feed the homeless, provide free childcare in a safe environment for busy parents. provide na alternative to secular culture; and give Christians a place to feel they are understood.

The church is much more than a safe haven of course, but the one problem is, very few teenagers appreciate having a safe haven unless they are in big trouble.

The teens I’ve known who came to church consistently were the ones with the most unstable lives, often enough. Sometimes they were more committed. Sometimes they were pastor’s kids and took more of an interest because of that. But I never heard any one of them say they came to church because it was a challenge, or because they felt it was dangerous.

That is, in my opinion, a huge percent of the problem.

we’ve taught kids that they can be anything, and prepared them for an adventure when they are young, but when they are teens, we start saying “Only a few more years of school.” There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, in other words. I don’t blame anyone for hating public school as I can’t imagine going to it myself, but church is treated the same way.

And I know you may not go to church and so may not care, but trust me, this is affecting you too. What do you get when a whole generation starts living just to survive. I almost prefer the past generations who lived for fun or to make a wealthy lifestyle, kids have grown up hearing that is not the most important thing, but they have no heard what is.

Or maybe they just don’t believe it anymore.

I am not letting teens off the hook. No one can make you stop caring except you.

But I’ll have to continue this in part two. Until then–Natasha.

Taboo–2

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Depending on how part 1 was received, this may or may not be getting myself in deep.

But I’ve started now, so let’s continue.

I already talked about Taboo Topic #1, but there’s a bit more to say before I go to #2.

As I mentioned before, some people feel they were born homosexual. I say feel, because the fact of the matter is, no one is born any kind of sexual.

We all have a sex, yes; but some people never marry; some, like nuns and priests, remain celibate; most people marry the normal, traditional way; and some people choose a homosexual lifestyle. It is a choice.

But no one is born with a sexual preference. We all grow up and decide how we feel about it as we go, and our opinions change.

It is true that young teens often have no wish to experience feelings, which they do experience, that tend toward what the world calls homosexual.

I think this term has been blown grossly out of proportion.

Not every desire for affection and for touch is a sexual desire; and people make this mistake  as often about heterosexual relationships as homosexual ones.

As I’ve said in “Are we starving?” Human beings need touch to show affection and feel loved, that’s from anyone, of any age group.

That said, it is true that some people develop those kinds of feelings.

However, some people enjoy hurting other people. Some people are addicted to substances. Some people develop a taste for porn.

I know, I am bringing up every controversial issue I possibly can, aren’t I? Sorry. (But uh, check the title of the post, people, what did you expect?)

My point is, human beings develop desires for many unhealthy things. Lust itself is unhealthy when it is out of marriage, and then it is not lust, but healthy desire.

Desire itself if no proof that anything is a good idea. When our emotions are screwed up, or just fluctuating, as any woman can tell you, we want to do crazy things. (Like binge on chocolate.) Not that these desires are on the same level, but it is clear then that not all desires are rational or good.

There’s a book written by a man who struggled with this issue, and he’ll probably go into better than I can, “A Strong Delusion.”

I’ll suffice it to say the Bible does deem some desires evil. And it tells you which ones.

Just to really entrench myself in this matter, I’ll address one more argument. The one that goes “people should be free to express themselves however they want.”

Let me go back to Romans for this, in chapter 1 verses 22-23 it says  “Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man…”

Self has been made into a god in our culture, and we wonder why people are so selfish. It is good to express yourself, but it is never good to disobey God.

I might further point out, God has given us a whole planet full of things we can express ourselves in and with, and it’s harmless; it’s kind of silly to go to the very things he warns us are dangerous and say “I want to use my freedom of expression for this.”

But I’m aware none of this will fix the problem, because it goes deeper than that.

Not everyone cares what God thinks of them, and so preaching about it will not get one anywhere; but that will not change that fact that those who do claim to care, often ignore God as much as the others.

That’s really why I’m doing these posts, I don’t want to be intimidated by the culture into acting like this stuff is not real and deadly. And it is deadly.

It’s not the homosexual act itself that really is deadly, though it does affect people’s health, but it is the attitude we promote with it.

An attitude that is destructive because it is determined to ignore everything expect what it wants.

People are encouraged to think about what they want and think they need, not what is really best for them, their family, their friends, their children, or even their partner.

It used to be those relationships had some weight, and we were encouraged to be unselfish in them, but now we think it’s unhealthy to give way to other people and their needs.

I get that people have been hurt. Abortion, issue #2, is often justified because of rape, or incest; which are ugly, evil things. It is terrible when they happen. And they happen a lot.

I don’t live in a different world than you do, I know about this stuff. And to be honest, I have feared it too. What girl has not?

It’s easy to be afraid of other people and think they will hurt you. Some people do choose homosexuality after being hurt by the opposite sex. Some hate the opposite sex.

I can’t say we don’t give each other reasons to hate.

But now that I’ve admitted all this, how can I still call it wrong? Shouldn’t I have more compassion?

Well, I do have compassion. I don’t want to encourage people to do things I think are wrong, because to me, that is encouraging them to destroy their own lives.

That’s not a popular mindset, but all through history it has proven to be the correct one, people stand against the tide because they care about those who are caught up in it.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” (Proverbs 4:12.)

The good news is that despite all the negativity of these two posts, I still have a hopeful attitude, because I still have faith. Knowing all this doesn’t change that. Christianity is actually the faith for those who live in a messed up, broken world. It really is in the definition.

I know blogs do not have a dislike button, so if anything I said offended you, you can’t mark your disapproval, but feel free to comment about whatever your thoughts were on the subject.

Until next time–Natasha.

Taboo–1

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I think the word taboo is hilarious. We have made ourselves afraid to mention certain subjects to each other, it’s ridiculous.

It’s also funny how the things that are taboo change over the centuries. Sex used to be taboo, now it’s barely even taboo in PG movies. It used to be taboo to mention many parts of the body, that’s gone too. I’ll grant you some taboos are just silly, but I notice that among many people it is now taboo to talk about important issues.

I’ve been in a few different churches in my short time, and there are certain subjects that you can be sure will not be brought up very often, and when they are people react, and that scares the youth directors so much that they shun the topics after that.

It may not surprise you to know that I’ve never particularly cared about whether anyone wanted me to speak up about some issues, if they get brought up and I don’t hear anyone else saying what’s right, I go for it.

It’s not because I like making people angry at me, or enjoy making them uncomfortable, but I feel that it is lying to them to pretend that there’s not more to an issue than what they are saying or believing.

There are two or three main taboo subjects, and they are, possibly in this order, 1. Homosexuality; 2. abortion; 3. Politics.

Okay, at this point some people would be going “Oh she did not just bring up all three of those! This is going to mean war!”

And others would be going “Finally, something really relevant to talk about.”

At least this is what usually happens when this stuff gets brought up.

My opinions on all three subjects will surprise no one, but I think I should prelude by saying I’ve heard many different opinions on all subjects, and I think I know the opposition’s standpoint fairly well.

And honestly I have considered in the past that they may be right, but as I grow more, I get more convinced of the truth.

Let’s start with the first one, why is this such a taboo subject? Really, think about it. On one side of the spectrum we have the people who encourage it, who are trying to get children in school to identify with it, (that is so freaking wrong, by the way, even if it was for hetero-sexualism, sex should not be brought up in elementary school, period.) At the other end we have people who think it is an abomination against nature, and in some religions it will get you killed.

So, I mean, why can’t we all just get along? This is no big deal? There’s right on both sides… right?

Obviously I’m being sarcastic, because I think it’s clear that with two such extremes, they cannot both be right.

I don’t favor killing anybody over this issue, I think that is wrong and taking it way too far, and I think that about any matter of belief. But my concern is that many people feel like their hands are tied when it comes to this taboo. If they are in favor of homosexuality, then they can have the honor of being like the majority of people in the public eye, but at least no one will accuse them of being a hater. If you speak against it, people get angry at you. I should know.

Interestingly, when people argue for it, they don’t usually tell me it’s right. They say something like “Well if two people love each other, then they should be together.” Or “I was born that way, God must have made me that way.” (This is in the church.) On the non-religious front, I hear things like “They should be able to express themselves however they want.” Or “There is no right answer.”

Okay, I can’t discuss all of these reasons in the same post, but I’ll address the first one because to me it seems one of the saddest.

Not that love has to be sad. But I find the reasoning faulty. We all know that sometimes people think they love someone and marry them, and then realize it was a mistake. Girls get pregnant out-of-wedlock because boys claim to love them. Women stay with abusive jerks because they love them. Men make mistakes because they think they are in love, they just aren’t talked about as often.

All these examples are sad, and they also prove that many human beings don’t really know what love is.

Yet you use it as a justification for such a major issue of morality?

The point is not to shame everyone who ever made a mistake about love, it’s better to error because of love than to never love and still error.

According to the Word, true love wants the best for the beloved. It rejoices not in sin, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes the best, hopes for the best, and endures all things. Love does not demand its own way. It never fails.

When love is like that, then it might weigh in the balance, but statistically, homosexual love is no better than any other kind of human love when it comes to being unselfish. The couples don’t usually stay together. They, I would say, don’t show as much respect to other people.

Even if they were saints when it comes to loving each other, it still ignores one very important matter.

If you are a Christian  then you are bound to do what the Bible says; it goes with the turf. If you are not a Christian, then your choices are on your own head, but if you are one, can we really keep ignoring what both the Old Testament and the New Testament teach about the issue?

Romans 1:24-28 talks about how unnatural and ungodly the act of homosexuality is. I am merely quoting it. I did not come up with this idea myself.

But I have to challenge myself and every Christian with this question:

If we really believe that Jesus saved us, if we believe He is our lord; and that God is our Father; if we have His Word that we can reference in any moral dilemma; if we believe His word is alive, and is truth; if we believe He himself is truth; then can we afford to ignore Him?

Can we claim to believe his word if we disregard what it says even when believing it makes us unpopular?

This is no and, or, but, in this matter. This is a yes or no question.

People will always be furious when they are presented with this type of dilemma; we all like compromise better than black and white.

Sometimes there is no grey area.

So, comment if you want to, I’m going to pause this until part two–Natasha.

Thorns and Stones.

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I was away for the weekend and couldn’t post. But here I am again.

So, I was at church camp, something just about every Christian kid has heard of or been to; and a lot of us love it; but some of us have skepticism about the results.

Maybe you can relate, people have an amazing, emotional experience, they say their life will never be the same, and in a month or so they start acting like they always have. and you think “Well that was a lot of nothing.”

This is not just a Christian thing, everyone from pop stars to homeless people knows these kinds of experiences. Those of us who just know people who’ve had them can get pretty skeptical. So why? Is it really true that people just don’t change? And religion, or at least epiphany, is just emotional hype.

I’ll tell you that everyone from public school teachers to youth group counselors are puzzled about this problem. Why? they ask, can’t kids stick with change? Then they sigh and shrug it off and say, oh well. Back to the drawing board. Hey, I admire they’re perseverance, I just wish they didn’t relinquish they’re expectations.

The Bible sums up this problem perfectly in a parable Jesus told, famously called the Sower. The Sower is sowing seeds and they keep falling in the wrong places, some on the road, some among thorns, others among stones, and some on good soil. The ones on the road get eaten by birds. But the ones among the thorns and the stones sprout and grow for a time. But then the thorns grow up and choke the wheat, and the wheat on the stones withers because of the sun, since it has no deep roots.  Jesus then explains that those seeds represent people who hear the word and rejoice but then the cares and troubles of the world (the weeds) choke them, and they fall away. Others rejoice and grow for a time, but they have no root in themselves, and when trouble comes because of the word, they fall away.

I want to point out that the two enemies here are distraction and difficulty.

This camp I was at, the preachers warned us, don’t get distracted when you go home, and not live out what you were taught. Do you know what I started thinking about before I even left?  The things I wanted to do when I got home, and how I wanted to eat a decent meal. (Camp food is okay, but I’ve never eaten much of it. I have low appetite in high altitude.) And do you know what met me when I woke up this morning? The buzz of the TV in another room, and the things I wanted to  get done today.

Distraction.

There maybe not a single thing that more quickly kills passion. And not just spiritual fire, I mean any kind of passion. Except, you’ll notice, the unhealthy kinds. Like addictions to substances, electronics, or gaming, or whatever. Because those things are effortless.

You’ve heard the saying anything worth doing is worth doing right, but there’s another saying, it goes something like “nothing worth having comes easy.”

And it’s true. Experience and Success at worth having, but they aren’t easy. Even if they are, in rare cases, an overnight sensation, it doesn’t last without hard work. And what’s worse is the people who succeed quickly often don’t have the character or the know how to keep on succeeding, and when trouble comes, they fall under.

Think of Luke Skywalker in “The Empire Strikes Back.” He’s all set to take on the enemy, but he’s warned by Yoda about his anger. He also fails because he doesn’t believe enough in what is possible. In the end he recklessly tries to rescue his friends, and receives a major setback, it literally costs him a limb (well, a hand.) Plus, he doesn’t help his friends, they have to endanger themselves to go back and rescue him. In the end, he has a burden he was not ready for, the knowledge of who his father is.

In the end Luke’s mistakes do end up helping him, after he learns from them. But he demonstrated a lack of maturity in making them in the first place. Like the seeds on the stony soil, he hadn’t enough root.

It’s good for us that you can change the kind of soil you are. Weeds can be pulled out, rocks can be removed. If someone else puts the time and effort into doing so.

And the thing is, usually we do need help. It’s rare that we change without receiving a wake up call from someone or something. Usually it has to be their intention to stir us up. Some of us can just go to a camp, or a conference, and that’s enough. Others need a person to walk with them and encourage them.

But sadly, a lot of young people don’t put out the effort to find such a person, and even if they do (as I have) it can be hard to find anyone who really believes you can handle being pushed. And if they don’t, they won’t do you much good.

My last resource, as I have explained in recent posts, is also my first: I go to God. He’s the sower and He knows how to tend the soil to make it better. I used to be poor soil, but I finally caught the fire, and I haven’t lost it yet. But I’m aware that it is not my own ability but God’s careful leading that is responsible for that.

Maybe you have a parent like that, or another mentor, like a teacher or more distant relative. Maybe you don’t, but I encourage you anyway to do your part. Distraction and difficulty are hard obstacles to overcome, but it is possible if you don’t quit.

That’s all for now, over and out–Natasha.

20160330_121452

Weeds, a bird, and clutter.

Vulnerable Good

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I have to thank beautybeyondbones for having this quote “Life is vulnerability.” When I read that it grabbed my attention.

I have heard of course that vulnerability is necessary. But I never thought of life as being all vulnerability. It is isn’t it? Everything we do, we could get hurt doing, it seems like life as an endless potential of disasters that could happen, and we hear about them happening a lot.

But I don’t spend my days worrying about all that could happen to me. There’s a few things that could go wrong even on this small blog, but I don’t worry about them every time I post. I wasn’t always worry free, there was time of my life when worry was a disease. I worried about getting sick, getting in an accident, getting bitten by animals, getting lost, and even worse stuff. Some of it was totally irrational, but as I’ve said before, fear is not rational.

Worry is always thinking about what might happen, or might be happening, so it is always dealing with unrealities. Extensive worry can even be a form of neurosis.

We are vulnerable it is true, but remember vulnerability also means being open to pleasure, to change, to growth. If we wouldn’t be hurt we couldn’t be healed either, if we couldn’t fall, we wouldn’t know why it’s so good to be standing. I am not saying we need bad things to appreciate good things, I am saying that to be free we must be vulnerable. Desiring safety too much makes you a slave to whatever seems to offer it. I’ve been more open on this blog lately because I realize that to be real I need to be honest. If there’s one thing people online have encouraged me to be, it’s open. Maybe its easier online, but if you do it consistently it becomes a habit in your life.

Those are my thoughts for now, until next time100_4974–Natasha.