greatness

Not a statistic

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There are statistics about almost everything that people do: about how we dress, and how we behave.

But I googled random acts of kindness, and there’s no statistic about how many people do them. Or how often.

I think the obvious reason is that most of us have done a random act of kindness (or helpfulness, if you’ve seen that commercial) at some time in our lives, but I would hope it would be several times.

But then I thought, what about the less obvious reason?

Kindness just can’t be measured. Remember what the fairy godmother says in the 2015 Cinderella movie? “What’s a bowl of milk? Nothing. But kindness makes it everything.” How can we know the effect of a single act of kindness? I love those videos that you can find on YouTube of people doing an act of kindness and it setting off a chain reaction of kindness. I think a lot of us might be skeptical about that actually happening, but would we be skeptical if we were told that a single act of unkindness (like cutting someone off in traffic) could trigger a whole chain of people being rude to  the next person they meet? If being mean is contagious surely being kind also can be contagious. Though it is true that  kindness can be harder to catch, if you’re not in the habit of it already.

Kind means proceeding from, showing, or having benevolence.

Have you heard that story about the horseshoe nail? For want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the message was lost; for want of the message the battle was lost; for want of the battle the war was lost; for want of the war the empire was lost. All for the want of a horseshoe nail.

An Act of Kindness is kind of like that horseshoe nail, now, what if it wasn’t lost?

Brought to you by Natasha.

 

In faith

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Here’s a thought that struck me today, what does the phrase “In faith” really mean?

I have read Shakespeare, weird as that may sound, (I couldn’t care less if it does,) and that phrase is about as common as us using the words “Seriously” “Totally” “For real” “Legit” and our other ways of saying we “really mean it.”

You may wonder why I’d bother to post about a phrase, but bear with me. The last verse of 1 Corinthians 13 says “And now abide faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love.”

I don’t know if any of my followers noticed this, but my blog is called drybonestruth, my tagline contains the word truth, and several of (if not all of) my posts are centered around what’s true and what to do about it. But on my homepage I talk about hope. And a lot of my posts, the recent ones included, are about love. I didn’t do this to incorporate the above verse into my blog, I just did it because those were the things on my mind. So, love, hope, and truth, but what about faith?

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I am cautious about mentioning my beliefs overmuch, since I don’t want just other Christians to read this blog and get something out of it, but I certainly don’t want anyone to think I’m ashamed to talk about it. Christian or not, I’m sure you can understand that, no one wants others to think they are weak in their convictions.

With this in mind, I began asking myself what the phrase “in faith” really means anyway. “In faith” is interchangeable with “in truth” or “in earnest.” It could also be interpreted as “I swear.” Simply put, it means “I believe what I am telling you.” Apparently in Shakespeare’s day it was normal for people to go around talking to each other and declaring what they believed to be true about life, and about other people, and about themselves. (If I can go by his plays anyway.)

So, my faith would mean what I believe is the truth.

That sounds obvious, but hold on, let’s really think about that statement. I’ve discussed what is truth in other posts, so for my thoughts on that you can search my blog, if you’re interested. Let’s just assume we all have a criteria for what truth is already. Now let me ask, do you trust that?

Do you believe that what you believe is really real?

I heard that in a sermon once, but it could be asked to anybody who even knows what they believe. If you had to look someone in the eye, and tell them what you, at core, believe is the truth about life, what would you say? Would you be able to say it? Would you say it like a parrot, or with passion?

What feelings does thinking about your worldview excite in you? Enthusiasm? Energy? Does it move you at all? Or is your worldview just something you accept, but don’t think about?

If my faith is my truth, that is, my faith is my trust in what I know is true; then I should be passionate about it.

I am, I get excited about what I believe. And that may offend some people. Who am I to get excited? What makes what I believe better than anyone else’s belief. Maybe they might even think I am an example of what’s wrong with religious people. We think we know what’s best for everyone.

Or, maybe someone might pause and consider that I’m not faking it. If I am nothing else, I am at least sincere.

I don’t need everyone to agree with me. I don’t even want everyone to agree with me about everything. Anyone who wants that, doesn’t have faith, they have preference. I can cover that more in a different post (it’s worth thinking about, believe me.) But suffice it to say I’m not talking about getting everyone on my side.

I’m talking about what I would stake my all on. My faith. The same thing thousands of people die because of in other countries, and even in this one.

Who among us in our western countries takes what we believe that seriously? Shocking to think about isn’t it?

Until you are willing to die for it can you really say your beliefs are “legit”? I mean, if other people are willing to pay the ultimate price,  doesn’t that give them some merit?

I am not endorsing every religion that people die for, I am only saying that they were nothing if not serious about their faith.

Maybe we should all think about that phrase “in faith” more often when we’re speaking about things. Well, in faith, that’s all for today–Natasha

The starfish principle

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Hello everyone,

You know blog success comes in rhythm. You’ll have a couple good posts and then no one reads the next few. Here’s hoping I’m still in time for another good post.

I seem to strike a nerve when I talk about relational issues, or connecting with people. I wonder why that is. Maybe because I’ve had a lot of trouble there, so what I’ve learned along the way rings true. That’s one paradox of life that gets over-looked in most self-help resources. And I’ve read and watched quite a few things about self-helping. I’ve come to believe it only works to a certain extent.

I love doing things on my own, I need privacy, I need solitude, I am an introvert. And there is no shame in that. Even as a seemingly self-reliant individual, I often feel I need a helping hand from other people. I’m the type of person who likes to choose their own path, but prefers it if someone else had left mile markers and warning signs along the way, I’d rather not make a blunder unless I have to in order to learn. A good name for it might be being like a Sherpa. I like to teach others, I like to help others, and in the words of Evan from Girl Meets World “I want to help people get to places they never thought they could go.” But I’m not a huge trailblazer.

That being said, I’d like to say more about helping people. In the course of my almost 18 years of life, I’ve run into a surprising amount of obstacles that much older people still have to grapple with. Here’s a little personal back story: When I was born I contracted a kind of pneumonia, I spent a week in an incubator, and it was a scary time for a lot of people. But I survived, with a lot of prayer I’m sure. From the beginning, I’ve been a tough little girl, as my mom put it. And at the age of 3 or 4, I accepted Christ. And my first remembered witnessing experience (That means telling other people about Jesus, in case anyone is unfamiliar with the term,) was at about the same age, to a few extended family members. That was the first time I encountered resistance to my faith. It has surprised my siblings when I later admitted to always feeling that my beliefs were not safe ones to have in the world. I don’t say this because I view it as a bad thing, on the contrary, I’m glad I never had any illusions that what I believe is popular or welcomed in our world. It makes for less of a shock nowadays. But repeatedly I’ve found myself dissuaded, or even put down, for having stronger principles, stronger opinions, and more dissatisfaction with the culture than most kids my age. ( And I bet some of my readers have heard similar stuff, people who blog or read blogs probably have a lot of opinions.) I have never liked mediocrity, and my dislike of it only gets stronger with time. And I get cautioned for this, honestly, it’s like people don’t know what to do with teens who have ideals that differ from the average.

But here’s the thing, when you accept being average, you accept being unimportant.

When you measure people by the average, you limit how important they are, and you limit your own capacity to feel compassion for them. You limit your ability to feel passionate about changing lives. in fact, you may even adopt the cynical attitude of “No one really changes.” (An attitude the hero Kim Possible expresses in one episode of the show. I’ve heard it before, but not usually from the hero.)

In “Girl meets Communism,” Cory Matthews addresses the problem with average success, pointing out that being average makes you common, and then there’s no incentive to be excellent. This applies to helping people too, when problems are average, so is our motivation. When we see people as just a group with identical troubles, we create stereotypes. The thing about  stereotypes, is that stereo means it’s all around you, and type means it has the same characteristics, and when you put them together, you’ll start seeing them everywhere. Entertainment often counts on you having preconceived notions of things or people for you to find it funny, or emotionally stimulating.

I could be just another voice on an internet that has billions of voices already on it, you could be just another browser, when there are millions of us just in this country, and I get a handful of them, what does that change?

I may have shared this story before, but it’s worth repeating:

Once there was a little boy on a beach, and he noticed that the tide was bringing in starfish, many of them.  When starfish are out of the water too long, they dry out and die. The little boy started picking up the starfish and throwing them out into the sea. A man walked by and noticed what he was doing, and he commented “You’ll never save all of those, son. It won’t make a real difference.” The little boy considers for a moment, then picks up another starfish and throws it into the water. “I’ll make a difference to that one.” He says.

I’ve heard this told a few different ways, so I’m paraphrasing as closely as I can to the main point. Not everyone can speak to a large amount of people. But anyone can speak a large amount of something to one other person. I think we tend to see our circle of influence as someting that reflects on us, and our worth, not as something God has given us so we can do just what He wants us to do and do it well, instead of trying to do someone else’s job, or perhaps a job we aren’t ready for yet. It’s a rule of theatre that there are no small roles, just small actors. Small actors may get cast in small roles rather then let them spoil the whole play, or a good actor may give a small role it’s full meaning. It’s really up to you.

I do the best I can on this blog, because I hope to make a difference for even the one person who might read a post. Here’s a closing thought, if you have a big heart, and a small circle of influence, what’s inside you will force what’s outside to expand, or else it will pour into what vessels are available far more than if your attention was divided between a large group of people.

Here’s some closing lines, from  a song called “Give a little love.”

“Well I know my death will not come, till I breathe all the air from my lungs. Till my final tune is sung, for all is fleeting, oh but all is good. And my love is my whole being, and I shared what I could.”

I hope this helped someone. Until next post–Natasha

Everybody’s talking about…Love?

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Hello readers,

S0, here’s my question for today: What is Love?

Love is a thing everyone hears about on a regular basis. But not everyone feels it, and a lot of us are confused about what we’re feeling and what part of it is love.

I remember as a kid I wondered why I didn’t feel the kind of love I saw in movies or read about in books, why I didn’t feel like they felt. I wondered if I loved my family at all, and what was wrong with me, how could I not know the answer to that?

My love tended to express itself through fear, I would only feel it when I thought about how horrible it would be to lose a member of my family, but that didn’t make me feel any more kind or sensitive to them. It just made me worry more.

Now when I say movies and books, I don’t just mean romantic love, people like to illustrate the ideal family, the ideal siblings, the ideal parent-child relationship. And they usually make it seem like every problem can be solved if people just listen to each other, and compromise a little. But that is easier said than done, as I’ve discovered. These sources don’t tell you  about how people can listen to you and not hear a word you’re saying, in their hearts. Or how you compromise and still feel unhappy and unsatisfied. What about when someone just doesn’t want to talk to you period? Or when they have so many issues of their own, they can’t really sympathize with yours. What about when they make excuses to avoid resolving the problem?

Who really has the ideal family? I’m sure my family might look like it on the outside, but we’ve had some bumpy areas over the past few years, I’ve been scared that we wouldn’t make it. And who has the ideal marriage? Or friendship? Or whatever it is we wish we had, but it seems unattainable.

So what is love? And why is it either absent? Or it’s not working like we thought.

Well, I’m nowhere near wise enough to really answer those questions. All I have is the few things I’ve learned. Or perhaps I should say I’m learning them.

That’s the first thing we need to know about our earthly relationships. They are a growing process. Mine have not stayed the same. They didn’t stay the same before I was a Christian, but after I became one, they changed drastically. But the change really was just the growing of the good things and the disappearance of the bad ones (almost, we’re never going to be perfect.) If you have a clue about love now, then you can grow that into something real, and very rare. I’ve been fortunate to live in a circle of  people that all know something about love, but I know that is not most people’s situation.

Another thing about love, is that it is hard. Loving people is about treating them the right way, and then doing a little more. And doing what’s right all the time is something none of us can maintain. We’d be lucky to even start out well.

Is love a feeling? Or is it an action?

I think picking just one of those choices is a mistake. Love is both. But at its purest, love is acting upon what you know you feel, even when you don’t feel it. That is, feelings tell us what’s in our heart, sometimes. Some feelings are deeper than others, and when we feel them it does more than make us cry, it creates a resolve in our heart to do, be, or see things differently than before. your feelings (they used to be called passions) may tell you at one time that you deeply love someone, or that they deeply love you. But it will take actions to prove either is correct. You’ll find out how loving you are when you find out how much you are willing to do, sacrifice, and go through, for someone else; and how little of it you did without feeling like doing it. And what someone else is willing to do for you will speak volumes about how genuine their affection is.

Love is not attraction, attraction is simply one of the things that may make love fun, or may snare people into thinking it is love.

Love is not selfish. Love is not greedy. Love is not too proud to admit a wrong doing, or to be the first to make peace. Love is not insecure and needy.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not stuck up. It does not anger easily. It is not rude. It does not look to benefit only itself. It doesn’t think evil of the beloved.

Love believes the best, hopes for the best, endures till the end, and bears the cost.

Love is not broken or fractured. It is not disengaged. It listens to us closely, holding every word as important. Love keeps its word. It honors what deserves honor. Love is not passive. Love isn’t anxious about things. Love  is not restless. Love is pure.

Love is not God, but God is love.

I just paraphrased 1 Corinthians 13, and a song called “Pieces.” (Amanda Cook, Stephany Gretzinger.) None of us can live up to this standard.

And the wonderful thing is, we don’t have to. Love covers us.

That’s all for this post–Natasha.

Pet Peeves and The first world

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Well, my family has moved into our new place.

I have now realized we are officially poor, by Western standards. By most standards, we’re still well off.

We are living with one of our relatives, a thing not looked highly upon in this day and age. But we had no choice.

And as you all know, being around the extended family (or the immediate family) has its pros and cons.

(This is not a complaining post. I just want to ask a few questions.)

The first one is: What are your pet peeves?

What does it even mean to have a pet peeve? I’ve never like that term. A pet is something you fondle, cuddle, take care of, etc.  A peeve is something that makes you irritated; or, possibly, angry or nervous. Why would someone put those two things together?

Second: What are first world problems?

The new phrase we’ve invented for our minor difficulties is first world problems. I’ve heard it said that we invented it to hide how spoiled we privileged people are. I see this phrase as more of a joke than anything else. Seriously? When your internet is slow, or your phone is hard to handle, or some other such nonsense; you mock your problem by using a term that basically says: “I live in a country that’s one of the better off ones, all my physical needs are met, but I’m so bored with my life that I’m going to call this small difficulty the problem of living my privileged existence.”

It’s been a thing in books and movies to shine a different light on the lives of the rich and famous, or just rich and spoiled. Because of that trend I’m sure we’re all at least familiar with the idea that money doesn’t make you happy, and luxury can wear on you. But apparently we’re all the rich and famous to people in third world countries, having been to one, the impression I got from what we were told is that they see us all as very rich and important people, who are suckers for buying stuff in the market place.

I spent several days there not having access to the internet, or to drinking water from a cup, or calling my family, using restrooms without soap or toilets that flush at the turn of a lever. I went everywhere in a group. I worked. And I felt the least inclination to complain of any time I’ve been on a new experience. Part of that was a choice, I didn’t want to be a wet blanket. Part of it was realizing what ridiculous luxury I was in, even  in Cambodia. A lot of money was spent on our small group, and a lot of effort put into giving us a good time. I expected pretty meager accommodations, but I got as good as any I’ve gotten here in America the few times I’ve stayed at hotels.

Now, I’m going to list a few of my pet peeves, just to make a point.

  1. Any unusual sounds at night, any talking or loud music while I’m trying to sleep, that has driven me crazy many a night.
  2. Being bossed around constantly.
  3. Being teased about my personality.

There, those are three things I had to deal with on my trip. And I managed to put up with all of them, and adapt. The first one doesn’t bother me half as much since I came back, which is good because moving means different noises.

The truth is, it’s not helpful to label anything your pet peeve. Whether it’s a first world problem, or a problem with clashing personalities, because when you do that, you give yourself permission to notice it and be annoyed every time. I don’t think any of us need encouragement to look for annoyances in our lives.

This is what I’ve found helps me best: When something irritating happens and it tries your patience, first; hold your tongue–complaining usually just makes it worse or annoys that people around you.  Second; shake it off–forget it as soon as you can, the less you dwell on it the better. Third; don’t start thinking that this always happens, or always will. I know, I still slip into this one myself, but it’s not a good way to think. Fourth; laugh about it, just about every annoyance has a humorous side to it, if you are willing to not take your own minor problems too seriously. Fifth; look for a good thing about every situation. every cloud really does have silver lining.

I hope everyone understands that I am still talking about minor things that go wrong, not catastrophes. And with that , here’s a final bit of advice. Do not make everything a big deal. One of Disney Channels’ most liked characters, Kim Possible, has a catch phrase that she uses whenever she does something that she sees as not all that stressful, “So not the drama.” Often this is funny because Kim does things no one else can do. But it’s a good principle, when you know you can handle it well, then don’t turn on the drama.

I need this post as much as anyone, I need reminders to try to keep up a positive attitude when the pressure is on. So to all of us: until next time–Natasha.

On the shoulders of Giants: Part 1

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So, let’s talk about greatness.

I read about greatness frequently in my nonfiction books.

However, what concerns me is the lack of a concept of greatness in the fiction and media world.

As an experienced reader, I think that fiction shapes the culture more then nonfiction. I prefer the term “fantasy”, actually.

Somehow when I read or write fantasy my imagination races, and I feel like life means something.

I think the truth of the matter is that we all want more in life than we see, and fantasy represents those dreams, putting them in a tangible movie, show, or book; that’s why we come back to those things. Even video games might count for that.

When it comes to greatness, the funny thing is that the real world stories can inspire us just as much as the fantasy ones. But I find the more story-like the telling, the better I connect.

Per example, I just finished a book called The Dressmaker of Khair Khana (which I enjoyed a lot), and the story surprised me and challenged some of  my preconceptions going into it. It’s about a family surviving war and poverty under the Taliban’s control.

What makes the people in these stories great? What is Greatness?

Greatness is not glory. It is not wealth. It is not popularity.

When you hear someone described as great, my guess is your mind goes to nice, fun, cool, talented and other words like that. The fact is, only the last one even touches Greatness. But talent is just material Greatness works with.

The words we use, and how we use them, reflects on our cultural perception. Take the word awesome. It means to inspire awe, and we use it typically to mean something we enjoyed a lot and was really good, but rarely are we actually full of awe about it. We might use awesome and great together and not really know what either means.

You are probably wondering why I am making such a point of this. The fact is I recently took part in a Shakespeare intensive, and we talked a lot about the importance of wording. Turns out word patterns can tell you a lot about the tone of a scene, the nature of the person speaking, and what kind of role they fulfill in the story.

Our words don’t necessarily limit us in real life. But in “The Student Whisperer” Tiffany Earl notes that the more words she knows, the better she understands things.

The word greatness should get our attention. It should be closely related to heroism, impact, change, goodness, character, and a host of other such ideals.

Have you ever known the disappointment of finding out someone who you thought was a good guy, a hero, was actually not up to your standards of what makes someone truly heroic? Then you found out they did not achieve greatness in your mind. Or what about vice versa? Have you ever been blown away by someone’s amount of sacrifice, forgiveness, persistence, or love? Whatever virtue most impresses you, if they surpassed all you expected, then they impressed you with greatness.

When I was in Junior High, we were asked who our heroes were. I didn’t have too many. Later on in my life when I was reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot, I found her commenting on how few heroes teens have now and how little they want to be better than they are. It seems they don’t want to aspire to be like anyone they think of as better than themselves. At the time I didn’t get why she was down on this; shouldn’t we like who we are? But now I understand what she meant. It’s fine to like your personality, but when it comes to excellence, we always need to remember there are people ahead of us. It may simply be because they are older and have been pursuing their goal longer. Or maybe they possess character we have not developed yet. Recognizing that is important. Greatness cannot be achieved without humility.

As I’ve learned to appreciate high ideals, I’ve found personal heroes. Both real and fictional. And I think of them when I face tough situations. I’ve written about some of them on this blog. Isaac Newton said:

“If I have seen farther it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

C. S. Lewis said the next best thing to being wise one’s self is to be surrounded by people who are.

So, to understand greatness, look to the Great. In my next post I’ll dive in more into what Greatness consists of, but I hope I’ve provided some interesting ideas here. Until next time–Natasha.