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Everyday happiness

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This month I’ve been asking myself why, since this year started and it seemed like every thing that could go wrong did go wrong, I turned so much to doing things to improve my household life.

(By the way, my car had to get repaired again. The ABS, the other big Prius thing that tends to break, went out. I hope at least now that the two big ones already failed, every other issue will be much smaller.)

I’ve been a Christina for 13 years, but even I’m not immune to the temptation Job had to question why God is allowing all this. since the year became 2025, it’s like some line of dominoes was pushed over to make one thing after another go wrong, and as soon as I deal with one problme, another one emerges. Like getting the ear infection to go finally, but it getting slightly reinfected because of allergies and also the hole in my ear not healing the way we hoped.

All of these things might seem small enough, if each of them was the only problem, but all together, when the costs amount to over $8,000, and my family’s total income is less than 100,000 even if you combined all 3 or 4 of us who make income…

Well, we’ve scraped by, but we’ve gone through a lot of emergency savings to do it. I mean, I guess they are for emergencies, but still.

For me, the funny thing is, even a single one of the crisis I’ve dealt with this year would have, 3 years ago, laid me out for weeks. Being anxious and depressed and afraid of the future.

I’ve felt as if I just don’t have the time to dwell on it. I still had to go to work. Now that I’m on vacation (sort of) for the Summer, I worried I would fall into that anxious habit again.

I’ve set myself daily talks to make sure I have something to focus on, which helps.

However, I also find that pull to fall into anxiety is less than it used to be.

Maybe I got tougher, because of all the stuff I had to go through to get it his point. Not sure.

Another thing is maybe, I learned to redirect my enegery.

I think we often try to stop being anxious in the passive way, we try to block it out the anxious thoughts, using mediation, or self affirmation…

But taking action is often the best way to fight any bad mood, especially fear.

I think that’s why reading “The Happiness Project” helped me so much two years ago. Up till then I was kind of just trying to escape anxiety the same way I always had, and it sometimes would work. Prayer, worship, and distraction are all valid ways to treat anxiety, and I can say without God, I would have never got this far.

Yet, I think God himself points us to needing to do more to fight off fear than to just wait for it to go away.

Once I started taking some small actions in regard to my happiness and control over my life, I was shocked by how different I felt.

It’s not even always about me feeling happy so much as feeling less helpless. Which for me, is the biggest source of unhappiness in my life.

I’m the kind of woman who had to feel like I can do something about my situation, in order to feel at peace about it. At least, without divine help to not need that, which, to be real, doesn’t always come, because I think God does want us to take action ourselves.

Nothing stresses me out like having no solution.

Which, come to think of it, might explain why my parents were never much help to me dealing with my fears when I grew up.

My mom’s go-to phrase when I had a problem and told her was: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

Or “I don’t know how to help.”

My dad’s go-to was to tell me how much worse he used to have it, or that he had the same problem….with no potential solution. Unless it was to just make fun of it.

Which is how he deals with every problem.

I am glad both my parents do also take practical steps to solve some issues, so though they never told me how to do this, I was able to glean some things from their examples.

However, I didn’t realize how much their attitude had affected me till the last few years. Until I started trying to take action, I never noticed how little I ever did before.

I believe I could have solved my anxiety issues as a child, even, if I ‘d know it then, and had the relationship with God I do now. You need both, but I think I would have suffered less even if it was just with the practical steps.

I can’t go into every single thing I learned, but here’s the biggest one, and this an did start with a revelation from God, appropriately enough.

Everyday life is the place I will find the most happiness.

I was lamenting my lack of accomplishment of my goals to God a couple years back, I remember this clearly because, though it was in my head, I knew the thought was not mine, it was too far from anything I’d been thinking at that time to be my own idea.

God, finally getting tired of listening to this, I imagine (I had complained to Him many times already) finally shot back with “You have a beautiful life.”

I say shot back, but it was actually a very gently made a point.

(God does not talk to me in a harsh voice, ever. I know there are people He can be firm with, but I think I never perceive it that way because I want tho so much as a kid with harsh parents, and God knows it would only push me back into that cycle to be spoken to that way.

Perhaps this sounds crazy to you if you’re not a Christian, but I’ve heard many others say that God speaks to them the way they can handle, s it’s not just me.)

And if you think that means that we’re just making it up…well, I know I can’t persuade you otherwise, but it seems odd to me that if I made it up, it would be such a new, unlike me thing to think. Make of that way you will.)

Anyway, after that sentence, a bunch of memories of the things I have that other people don’t have came into my mind.

I remember that I felt something shift after that moment. I didn’t usually get over all of my issues–and I have now, but when I get down about my life I think of that statement and I reflect on my blessings, I guess you could say. I don’t like to call it that because I think the cheesy cliche makes me people turn off their brains, but I suppose it’s what I’m doing.

One thing I sometimes think about is that for all the things I had to complain about, I’m never starving, or homeless, or lacking even in electricity, and clean water or clothing. The fact that I even have enough money to chastise myself for spending more than I should, means I’m blessed.

My car has been a problem, but I’ve had one when I needed it, even if it breaks a lot,and that has let me at least still work and do my church activities.

I have books and more movies tan I can read. I have enough free time to choose how I will spend it.

I have a cat.

I have family who loves me, even if they aren’t always the most helpful to me about things, and I have friends now.

Sure, there are things I had that gave me disadvantages. I had a father who didn’t financially plan very well and so we ended up always struggling for money and losing our house. I had a father who also abused me emotionally enough to give me a ton of issues.

All in all, like most people, my life is a mixed bag.

I don’t think God was telling me to think that everything was beautiful in my life when He said that.

But he was pointing out that in the moment I was being so negative, I was ignoring the fact that I had a bed, a house, two loving siblings, plenty of other basic needs, and a few luxuries, and other things in my life were changed for the better. And best of all, I no longer live with apron trying to tear me down constantly and threaten my safety.

And even though this year has sucked in many ways, I won’t tell you that nothing good has happened in it. The good things have been smaller and quieter, but they have been there.

And while financially, I’m still struggling to figure stuff out, at least I know that my family can help me if I end up falling short, and someone have no one but themselves.

I know people would kill to get what I have, even when I feel down about it.

My personal values are a wish to be independent, but that has not gotten granted to me at any time in my life. Maybe it never will be. It could be that God knows I’m better off knowing I need people.

Or perhaps, one day He will answer that prayer.

I’ve been reminded of the bible verse “He who is faithful with little with be faithful with much” a lot since last year. [Luke 10:16]

Perhaps I’m starting small to learn responsibility.

And I have to admit to you all, I was not very responsible with what I did have before. I didn’t have a savings account with my job before my current one. I spent more than I should. And I didn’t do a lot to take care of my house or contribute to the family.

That has changed a lot. And I feel more ready to have a house of my own because I’ve been taking care of the one I do live in now.

And in that, I do find joy.

Everyday life seems boring or people who always want to move onto the next big thing. I know because, I’m one of those people. I always dreamed big.

I didn’t do a lot to get ready for those dreams though. I always thought I didn’t have enough money and I didn’t have the money to go out and try things. My parents kind of kept me from being able to do that.

Even when I wanted to do outside things, like sports, or drama,or writing workshops, they with the financial support because either we couldn’t afford it, or, it was too much of a hassle, or I didn’t do enough to earn the support.

I think they really could have found a way to support me, if they’d looked into it, but…

Well, blaming them is probably no good.

However, that helped me feel like I could never pursue anything I wanted to do without enough money.

There are ways that’s true, but it’s also true that people have made so many free resources now, more than has ever be available to anyone throughout history, that we don’t realize the gold mine we’re sitting on top of, in the current century I can learn almost any skill online for free, within reason.

Instead of noticing this, I just felt bad about not having money for so long.

And instead of doing anything to change my household for the better, I just complained about it being arranged in a way I didn’t like.

I also felt useless, because all my skills seemed to be purely academic and I had nothing else to fall back on, so when that didn’t yield the reason I wanted, I got depressed.

Now I know that I do have some other skills, even if they ‘re not huge money makers, it’s good to know I could probably have options, if I need them.

My point is, everyday happiness is something we shouldn’t take for granted

Sometimes the old saying are old because they are true and people find them to be true.

People complain about everything now, and always have, but now they can spread it much farther. If I complain to my family, I only bring down the moods of 5 people, but if I post it online, I could bring down the moods of 5 million people, if I had enough of a following.

T’hat not healthy to do to others. Or ourselves.

I feel like these truths are obvious, but as usual, humans are weak to the temptation to do that.

So I can’t give you a formula that will help you fix it if you have that problem, being formulaic doesn’t work.

My best advice is to find something that makes you happier, and try to do that instead of indulging in complaints and negativity, even challenge yourself for one week, or three days, to stay off the thing that brings you down and for someone else. If you don’t see a change immediately, then, try something else, because who wants to stay unhappy?

And we all have problems to focus on, I know that. And unlike me, maybe yours are not something you can ignore (at least for a short period of time).

I think there are still ways to make it better, but I don’t want to be flippant about that situation.

My point is that, for most of us, we have it better than we think. Those of us who really have it bad, we should support and help them to get to a better place. I’m thankful for all the people who helps me, the help wasn’t always perfect, but it was there.

Even my parents, will all our problems, have helped me many times. Even parent who add to your issues can sometimes be part of the solution.

So life is a mixed bag in every sense.

I hope some of this was helpful, I’m trying to make it a bit shorter and more to the point, one of my new resolutions is to try to improve my time management, and blogging shorter and more focused posts would help me with that.

Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

Practical Advice for the young Christian

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(This post actually will work for non-Christians also, common sense is common sense.)

Hello all, today I’m writing about something because I’ve noticed a growing need for it in the modern Western church–and also, just everywhere.

Anyone notice the distinct lack of common sense advice?

I mean…not just common sense itself in younger people. I think that’s really exaggerated by the older generation to be worse than it is. But…where is the real advice?

Just on my personal experience asking for counsel from older people, I can count the amount of times it was helpful on one hand. The amount of times people give me some over spiritulized bull crap are endless.

And it’s not just me. Now that I’m an adult myself and have been doing ministry with kids and youth for many years, (and I noticed this white I was still young enough to be a student in those ministries too), I’ve noticed that kids are really crying out, literally in some cases, for some real life advice.

My generation (Zillenials and under) is really starved for direction. We’ve been pushed so many different ways, and the older generation has abandoned us by and large.

My father literally abandoned me, emotionally speaking, as a pre-teen.

And I don’t mean I just felt sad, I mean he literally told me he didn’t want to parent me anymore…multiple times.

Didn’t stop him from lecturing me about stuff at didn’t matter that much, but there you go.

But my personal issues aside, I feel like the older generation as a whole has just taken the same approach with everyone my age. Not just in America either, I think it’s all over the first world now.

And us being alone has led to us raise our own kids in a very overly permissive way. Some of these millennial parent videos are truly terrifying.

However…I mean…can you blame them for being lost? Most people’s current idea of childcare comes from these college psych classes. And not only is psych constantly being changed by the “experts”, it’s also a lot of bull crap for the most part when it comes to child rearing, based on what I’ve seen taught versus what I know actually works in real life.

There’s some good advice out there, but nothing beats practical experience or hearing it right from the people who raised you. And that’s what we’re missing now.

But in fairness to tho older generations, we did stop listening to them, also. There’s blame on both sides.

But assigning blame is not really my focus today, I’m just pointing out the problem.

Because of the generational divide, I’ve seen many well meaning people in their 40s and up try to give advice to us “kids” and it not go very well.

I mean, it’s not that kids are offended by it, it just doesn’t address their real issue.

Case in point, a couple days ago I was at a youth group where I volunteer interpret for one deaf student sometimes, and a different student asked a question about knowing who is and is not authentic in life and relationships.

I could tell the kid meant that he wanted to know how to spot this even outside of church activities, because honestly, people put on their best behavior at church.

The leader giving the message, who was in his 50s or 60s, answered something about how to tell at church, I can’t even really remember it now because it didn’t really make a lot of sense.

The kid was nodding but I could tell he didn’t really get the answer he wanted.

So I raised my hand and said “I agree with (insert leader’s name) but maybe you were wondering more about practical ways outside of church?”

And the kid nodded gratefully.

To which I gave him my two best tips for knowing a person’s real character:

  1. See how they treat their family.
  2. See how they handle conflict.

Both of these methods have never failed me to sort out who is trustworthy. But of course, you need time to get a chance to witness both those things.

Which is why I never assume I can trust someone after meeting them only a few times.

Also growing up with a narcissistic/BPD person, I know how much people can turn it on if they have someone to impress.

Anyway, I think the kid appreciated it.

I also talk to my Sunday School class of 4th-5th graders in a very similar way. I tell them often that even though their kids they deal with real life stuff the same way as adults do and I’m aware of that. So they need me to give them real talk.

Not harshly, of course, you still have to be sensitive to the fact that they are kids, but kids know the difference between real and harsh. They’re very good at that.

So, it’s good to be aware of this before anyone tries to take my advice and use it as a reason to “lecture” kids about the harsh realities of life.

Beleive me, any child who’s been exposed to the internet already knows life is hard. That is not what I’m suggesting we tell them.

What they want now is answers. What do we do about it?

Too much content for young people now is just telling them it’s a hopeless mess.

Like that’s really what we need to hear.

I can’t even watch wholesome content now without finding comments under it debunking it, because bitter people love to spread it around. “Misery loves company” is the old saying.

So, what do we do?

Those of us who have at least somewhat started to navigate our lives successful need to spot the BS to other people about it.

Frankly, Jan, I’m not really interested in you telling me “It’s all because of God’s goodness.”

Look, I do absolutely believe in God’s goodness. I know that God answers prayers…but if I’m asking you for advice on how to get what you got in life, I don’t want to hear that it’s all God’s goodness.

Because, that doesn’t help. God is good to everyone…but He does expect us to do work for ourselves. That’s in the Bible, FYI. Check out Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and James. And most of the rest of the New Testament.

Here’s a fun little story to illustrate:

Jesus once was asked by the religious leaders why his disciples picked food from the wheat fields on the sabbath, because they were hungry.

He defended their right to do this, and called out the leaders for their self righteous attitude.

But interesting to note that Jesus also was able to feed 5,000 people with a few loaves of bread. So, couldn’t he have just made food for them?

But often the Gospels mention the Disciples arguing over food or needing to get food from other people. So…

Jesus probably also worked as a carpenter at least for a some of his adult life before he started ministry, since it was what was done.

The point of this story is that Jesus supported practical solutions, and working for things, not just expecting everything to get handed to you.

And that was the son of God.

So, we can assume that this goes even more for all of us.

It’s funny how people born in the Church and out of it, often act like God should do even for us.

Uh, hello, who made the world? Who made the things in it that we use to survive? Who gave us life?

God did give us everything, but He would like us to be able to use it ourselves.

How many parents would like to buy clothes for their kid and still have to dress them when they’re 10 years old? Some would, but most of us would agree at a certain point, you expect someone to use what you give them without your help.

Granted, God still has to direct our lives even so, but we need to at latest try to take steps.

I’m currently looking for a new job (not because I was laid off but because I feel like it’s time for a chance), and I may not find one as soon as I want, or explain what I want, but, I believe in at least trying to learn what’s out there and prepare for it.

I think God will decide why I actually end up doing, but I’ve tried sitting and doing nothing before…didn’t work. God only rewarded me when I started trying to improve my skills.

See whining about it didn’t get me anything with God, and I think He even told me as much at times when I would pray. Or maybe, I just knew deep down already.

And if I’ve learned one thing in the last 2 years, it’s that wisdom is often practical, more than spiritual.

I actually believe there’s really no difference. I think the fact that we make spiritual things sound weird and watery is just proof we really don’t understand them. The Bible portrayed them as quite real and subject to rules and oddities as much as material things tend to be. More so even.

I can’t cover every situation here in one post, but I think I can give a few more examples of areas we need real advice in. And if anyone wants to comment further on it, I’d love to read it.

So I mentioned relations already.

Another question young people often have is:

“When should I start dating?”

And I’m probably not the best person to answer this because I’ve barely been on internet dates which didn’t go so well.

I mean, you should start by finding someone who wants to date you.

If you already have that, you’re ahead of me.

But I have seen myself grow in maturity over the years and I do have a better idea than I did what makes someone ready to date. And I wasn’t ready before.

I think I’m ready currently, but maybe the man isn’t…stuff like that can happen.

Anyway, pro tip for this, young people (and older people really) is to check your motives and check how you handle responsibility.

There is no one size fits all to dating, or love. People get together at all levels of maturity.

Which is probably the best advice anyone could give you. Don’t assume what works for everyone else will work for you.

However, you should seek out people’s stories that are similar to yours, because that is more likely to help you.

For me, I find the stories of people who waited a long time to date often hold more wisdom that applies to my life. Such as the best use of your time as a single person, trying to find fulfillment in friendship and in God, and not making your whole identity about being single.

Which is good advice even for people already dating too.

Also, not settling for someone mediocre.

However, high standards should be worthile.

Me, as a woman, I don’t create really about height. I really don’t get why so many girls obsess over it. I doubt as many really do as media implies.

I also think money is sort of a mid-range thing to care about. It does matter, and a man should be willing to work hard, but if you want a guy who’s not obsessed with money and who will pay attention to you, you have to figure he may not be as well off and you may not be able to afford as many things.

This is the kind of thing that I think helps the most with deciding who you’d be good with. Ask yourself what you really want in life, and if it would really make you happy. Often it’s not what we think.

Also watch out for wanting traits in someone that would only make your life easier, not necessarily better.

This actually goes more for men, I think. I’ve seen so many guys who really have no clue what they want in a woman other than someone who’d be nice to them.

And gentlemen…nice is not always the best thing.

But neither is putting up with a woman who bullies you just be she’s hot or because you figure you can’t get better (same for girls, but I feel like we’re less likely to do this nowadays.)

Honestly, being bullied is just another way of taking the easy way out. Easier to let a woman (or man) push you around than to stand up for yourself and grow as a person enough to maybe make her angry.

Strong minded women actually hate this in a man, and in other women, but will exploit it, human nature is like that.

I think a woman should be respectful to a man…not because I have some weird idea of submission in the sense of not having any personal rights as a woman, but because I think everyone should be respected. Why is that so hard to get across nowadays?

One thing I make sure not to do is talk down about men to them, or behind their backs, unless it’s to my family who I know wont repeat it. Sure, we need to blow off steam sometimes, but even then I’m not tearing the guys apart, just willing to discuss things that I find awkward or uncomfortable, or that I like about them.

But just bashing on men is not something I do, and I don’t do it with women either. I feel like if I wouldn’t want them to do it to me, I shouldn’t do it to them.

Honestly, even if I know someone talked about me behind my back, I don’t do the same to them, because who knows if I will end up being the one held accountable for it and they won’t. Sure, that’s not fair, but why would I take the chance?

This is another good practical tip, by the way, boys and girls. Don’t trash talk anyone you know to anyone else they know if you don’t want it to get back to them. It almost always will.

I do utilize finding out which people gossip about me as a way to know never to tell them anything about me, or rely on them, but, not to get revenge. That’s just smart, I think.

Don’t leave yourself wide open for people to punch, but don’t start a fight either.

All right, I think I have time for a few more common situations where people want practical advice, and then I’ll have to continue this in a different post.

Another example from real life is a young man asked me and my sister about how to handle his relationship with God changing after getting married and working more.

He was a newer christian and he said he didn’t feel it as much as he used to.

Apparently, no one told him this was normal.

The first passion for anything dies, eventually.

It’s like when I start a new book. I always enjoy the being a lot, and then about the middle I get burnout…but I usually finish strong. That’s how life is, the middle part tends to be the most boring. (I mean, of anything you do, not of your life itself.)

My sister and I told him practical things to do about it.

For one thing, being married is a lot like for us with sharing space with so many people. Even if you love them, you’ll get tired of each other.

So it’s important to give each other space to be alone.

And me, honestly, as the one who wants to spend the most time together out of my whole family of introverted people, kind of gets why it can be hard on the more energetic person to give space.

My sisters learned to accommodate my wishes to spend time together by having set times we could devote to stuff I like doing, and I learned to accommodate them by giving them warning in advance of when I want to do that stuff so they can mentally prepare. It doesn’t always work like a charm, but it works for us.

So this is the kind of thing we told this guy. That and that as long as he’s still serving God and spending time in the word, and praying, he should not worry if it’s not as easy as it used to be.

And if you are a new Christian reading this by any chance, it will happen to you too. But don’t worry. All of us go through it, and it passes. Usually, you get close to God at the end of it, if you just stick it out.

When I was a new Christian, it helped me to see the dullness and blandness as just part of the fight to stay close to God. That was my present cross to bear.

And as a Christian of over 10 years now, I think I even prefer it this way. Emotional highs exhaust me, I’m not a naturally emotional person. I have feelings, but they tend to be trigger by certain things only. I don’t just go from emotion to emotion all day like some people I know.

But hey, my father is highly emotional and I wouldn’t want to be him, it seems miserable to me.

Some people can be highly emotional and still be happy, but I think it makes it harder to exert self control, so maybe I’m happier the way I am now. To each their own. It’s fine to be either way, but don’t assume that because you’re less emotional, you’re less passionate about your faith.

Or that you don’t love people in your life. Love is action and prioritizing someone, even if you don’t feel like it.

I’m remind of Leonard and Penny from the Big Bang Theory. I think they’re toxic most of the time, but one thing you can say is that they don’t stay in the infatuation phase, but they keep working on their relationship after that point. Even to where they ask Sheldon to make them a relationship hip agreement so they can improve.

While I find the show stupid in many ways, I do think the writers were onto something with that idea. Love is about deciding what you give and take in a relationship, and doing it without being demanding or whiny or domineering. And if it is one-sided, you decide if you’re in it for the long haul.

I can’t go into every aspect of relationships here, just touching on a few things I’ve heard asked about a lot. We’d be here for years if I tried to tackle everything, which I’m not qualified to do anyway.

Let’s see…what else could I cover?

Oh yeah, here’s a good one.

How do you know your purpose?

My life group actually talked about this in the last week, but I didn’t feel like it really answered the question well.

We were focusing on talents.

Let me tell you all the hard truth.

Your talents do not always guide you to your purpose.

Now, many times, they do. But not always in a way you recognize as such.

I ended up doing work I didn’t expect to be good at because I assumed my talents were elsewhere, and I found out I have more talents than I expected, but honestly, my success is me just knowing how to use my talents to make anything I do work for me.

There will be some jobs I won’t be able to do, even using that method, but it does open up a lot of possibilities for me, because I don’t limit myself just on my obvious talents.

Like I’m good at drama and writing, and public speaking. I’m also good at remembering stuff.

I was not good at organizing things as a kid or teen.

But I’ve gotten better it because I used my skills at learning to pick it up bit by bit, and I used my talents as a people person to get other people on board.

See, talents point you to certain careers that seem obvious, but often you don’t realize that they can work in other areas of life, just in a different way.

You’ll see that with ministry too. Often people are good at a variety of things and don’t think they’ll fit a ministry, but then it works for them because they do it their way.

So when it comes to finding your purpose, I’d say, don’t do what many people do and wait for it to hit you one day.

There is no one foolproof way to find fyour purpose. All I know is that God gives it to us, in His own time.

“In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines His steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

For some of us, God gives us what we want. If we commit it to him, or, even if we don’t. He’s not a cruel God.

For others, God keeps us very closely dependent on Him, and we have many twists and turns.

I think that for each of us, it comes down to both on our wisdom to let God lead, and what God thinks will suit each of us.

[Let Mercy Lead– Rich Mullins]

Even if you don’t acknowledge God, you probably can agree that the same path doesn’t work for all people.

That said, there are some things you can do to get ready for your purpose:

If you do have talent, develop it. Either privately or professionally. It can’t hurt to get good at it. Usually there is some use for it even if your career ends up elsewhere.

Don’t be afraid to try different things even if you don’t think they’re your destiny. The skills you learn in one place often can help you in another place.

Like how babysitting helped me prepare for dealing with customers, because no one can be as rude to you as a spoiled child can.

Even if you do what I did, and pick bad jobs at first because you don’t know better, it will teach you what to avoid in the future.

I recommend you try to start working as soon as you can. Even if it’s volunteer (you can use that on your resume, if you don’t say it was volunteer.)

And, learn how to interview. A lot of Youtube channel and websites now post ways to sound better in an interview and how to answer tough questions. I’m sure the corporate world will update their method soon because too many people are going to take advantage of it, but the skill of learning to asses a situation and talk the right way should still helping you even if the game changes, because the point is you are learning to adapt.

Also I find that learning how to talk professionally helped me in other areas of my life, not just work. It gave me more self respect.

Another thing: do things around the house and volunteer.

The best cure for feeling like you have no purpose is give into someone else’s life. Donate clothes, clean up something, serve at a soup kitchen, get involved in your church outreach.

This also cures depression in many cases. I felt much less depressed when I became more active in other people’s lives. I now am not depressed at all.

If you have high anxiety, I encourage you to just do the stuff anyway. Anxiety only gets better when you face your fears and it starts feeling less new to you.

Also, while anti-anxiety techniques did help me somewhat, finding other tasks to focus on did way more to cure my negative thoughts than breathing exercises and grounding did. They can help but I think they’re better when used with other distractions.

I also say avoid medication unless it’s completely necessary and you’ve tried other methods first. I was pressured to take meds for my issues but I ended up not needing them, and if I’d taken them, it would have caused other problems that would have been worse probably than my anxiety and depression were.

Also, and this is important, do not use marijuana.

I swear, everyone I know who vapes or smokes is a mess emotionally and has a disorganized life, because honestly, it weakens your brain.

Most of the people I know who are getting off those substances are doing better since they did and feeling more in control of their lives.

It’s a quick fix that doesn’t really fix anything.

You may think this has nothing to do with finding your purpose, but it does.

Stuff that steals your joy, or even your anger, or sadness, often steals your ability to be satisfied by what you do also. Striving to feel nothing, or to feel mellow all the time, cuts off growing success.

We shouldn’t be struggling just to stay average, we should be thriving. That’s why I’m against quick fix methods. They seem easier but they really steal your whole ability to get past the problem at all.

Another method for finding your purpose is being willing to take an interest in other people. Learn about many different things. Talk to people about what they do. Who knows, you might find something you like.

But all in all, I think it’s good advice to not worry about it so much. I think we find our purpose when we stop focusing on it and ourselves and start focusing on making the lives of the people around us better.

All right, I think that’s all I got for now.

It was fun tackling some big questions but there are lots more I could cover.

If you want to leave ideas down below, I’d love to hear what other people are worrying and wondering about besides me and my own social circle.

I kind of feel like this is all survival skills for life that I’m picking up as I go. Though maybe once upon a time, most people knew this. The digital age made us lose ourselves so much. Le sigh.

Anyway, until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

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I’m most scared to…

/ toseealife / Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
View all responses

I don’t have a list.

I mean I could say skydiving because I’m afraid of heights, but I might do it…maybe…for a million dollars.

(No probably not. I don’t need a million dollars that badly.)

If I was serious, I might say move in with my dad again.

That idea used to give me nightmares. Sometimes it still does.

Once you’re out of a bad situation, you don’t want to go back. It’s one thing to put up with something when you’ve never had a choice, or won’t have one in the future, but it’s another to willingly suffer again.

I know some people consider it their Christian duty to stay in a bad situation to love someone else.

I’m not quite sure that’s what Jesus meant when he told us to turn the other cheek. Granted, there are certainly times to stick it out with someone.

People splot up over really dumb stuff now. I’ve seen people say they’ll divorce over someone not doing chores.

Which, you know, is annoying, but it’s not worth splitting up over. You can find a way to manage that, it’s silly to just throw in the towel.

There are real threats though.

The Bible does make some provisions for people not staying in a situiaotn if it’s not good for them. Such as if Christian wife or husband is married to someone who is not a Christian, they can leave them if that person is not okay with their new faith. Because spiriutally, they are not bound to them. But that’s only if the non-believer wants them to leave. if they are okay with it te y are ups to say.

And since at the time you could get killed for being a Christian, it was only sensible to let people who didn’t believe it off the hook in marriage.

The Bible instruct husbands to love their wives well, and not to deal with them treacherously. And wives to honor their husbands. As well as for fathers to not provoke their children, and children to obey their parents.

It doesn’t specifically use the word ‘abuse’, because that word wasn’t used in the Bible period. But it uses words like “oppress” very often.

And says that we should protect the innocent.

All this to say, I do not think the Bible favors abuse. We are told to reconcile with people as much as it depends on us.

So when we made the choice to separate from our father, we kept all this in mind.

We didn’t deal with him harshly, however, or take revenge. We simply set up boundaries and cut off communication.

I later reopened it once I felt I had enough space from it, my sisters and Mom are still working on whether or not they’re okay with that.

I always intended to reopen it at some point, though I waited a few years.

But that does not mean I want to live wit him. I still haven’t been in the same room with him, barring my Grandmothers’ memorial service, since he left.

Though one funny thing that happens after he moved out was that he would drive by our house in his yellow truck a lot, just creepily looking at it. It would freak us all out, which no doubt was his goal, knowing him.

I would flinch every time I saw a yellow truck for years after that.

Then it got burned up in one of the wildfires (not the recent ones, but for year ago) and we din’t have to worry about ti anymore. (Don’t worry, he had another truck at the time. He wasn’t using it.)

While I can’t say for sure it was a God thing, I did feel it was somehow poetic justice. not that I wanted my dad to lose stuff in a fire, but the truck itself was not such a big deal.

So yeah, I wouldn’t ever want to move back in with him.

But if I ever did, it would be because it was the right thing to do. And, wen he was too slow to catch me anymore if he got pissed off.

I’m more worried about my dad using physical violence than verbal abuse if I ever end up having to take care of him, so I’d hope it would be when he was too frail to land a hit.

Which sounds awful, but honestly, if it wasn’t to that point why would he need us to take care of him anyway, so t seems like that’s the only reason it would ever happen.

I’m sure he might hope we ended up having to move out of our Grandma’s house and not his extra one, but that would take a lot of convincing.

Still, if God told me to help him, I would do it.

That strikes man people as crazy, but I think ‘ts more crazy to live in a society where no one as any sense of family responsibility anymore.

Our country has tried to destroy the most basic bonds we have. Given people the idea they aren’t responsible for their children, and their parents, or their other family.

As if someone having a bad family absolves you of any obligation to them, as if having bad people in society means you don’t still need to contribute to it.

It’s not exactly rocket science to figure out at if all the good people stop participating in family, or society, the bad people will have the upper hand and just keep making it worse.

Which is what is happening. The people who aren’t psychos are saying “Nope” so the psychos keep getting their way.

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy on the part of the people who say the world is a bad place.

It’ll stay bad if you do nothing to make it better, duh. And you encourage others to do that same. Evil people will still do evil, they aren’t going to quit because you said they suck.

So that’s why I make it a point do the right thing, even when I don’t like it. Which includes still being a part of my family. I could do better at it, honestly, but it’s a work in progress.

You can be a kind person and still have boundaries, I’m not sure why people Thikn otherwise now.

So yeah, that’s my biggest fear (at least that’s tangible). It doesn’t scare me as much now, though.

–Natasha.

Living close to record breaking wildfires…

/ toseealife / Leave a comment

Wow, this has been a crazy Winter Break

I got a longer one because I live in the part of the country that is currently on fire!

I’m all right, no worries, but the schools here are closed and we can only hope they’ll be open by next week.

Which is really the least of our worries.

You know, other people get snow days, but along the West Coast, we get “fire days”. I’d say that’s way worse.

Also this is the worst fire incident we’ve had in 50 years or more, they keep saying.

This topped off a pretty weird two weeks for me. As I’ve been sharing, I’ve been doing a lot over break. My break was less relaxing than my actual job.

I bought a new car that I had to take to the shop three times. Twice it was a pretty minor thing, just some software updates that they at first told me could have been a head gasket leak that would cost 4 or 5 grand…thanks for that 2 hours of panic attack!

The other was to get the brakes checked, which they told me were fine, but then another place told me were not, in fact fine, and I will need to fix them soon. So…yeah, that was nice.

The other time I just had to get a tire patched, so no big deal.

Thankfully, the car seems to be fine now, and I hope it will stay that way for a few months at least, since I just got it.

Also I went on my first planned trip on vacation without my mom, and the day we left, I had an allergic reaction to medication I was on because of my wisdom teeth getting taken out, and I had to go ot the ER while on an island, to get meds for it.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a dangerous reaction, but it was bad enough to get hives for 4 days. I’ve never had those before, I don’t recommend it, though my case was mild, but still.

So…yeah, then we got back, and found out there was fire all around the area we live in, and my work would be closed all week.

Which is a minor concern, because the real problem is the many friends I have who may have lost their jobs or houses, or their families have, since this started.

Despite the crazy week I had, I know I’m the lucky one, and that’s saying something. All that could happen in one week, and there are still thousands of people having a worse week than I am, just in this county. That’s a staggering thought.

I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom to make a cliche speech about hanging together, but, I can say, it does put things in perspective.

I was tempted to feel sorry for myself, after all, my trip was partially ruined, and I had several days of anxiety I didn’t need, while I was trying to recover from hives, which doesn’t help with hives.

And I was worried about getting to work and making a bad financial decisions.

But then I realized how bad things were in the county right now, and that I really had very little to complain about compared to them.

I have a house and my workplace is likely to reopen, since it’s not in the red zone. So I’ll probably still have a job next week, unlike many people. We didn’t lose power, so far, and no family I have lives in the red zones.

It could have been much worse.

It could be a lot better, but, you know, no matter what’s going on with you, someone else is having a worse day, probably. I mean, if you can even read this post, I guarantee someone out there is having a worse day than you.

I don’t want to be accused of using this disaster just to generate more traffic to my site, but I did wonder if anyone would be interested in the perspective of someone who lives where this happens.

A lot of people say California is scary because of the earthquakes–and well, the lunatics.

I agree about the latter, but a fact many people don’t realize who live outside this state is that the wildfires that happen pretty much every year do much more damage than 80-90% of our earthquakes do.

Every now and then, we have a bad one, but the majority of us barely feel a jolt when it happens, and it doesn’t usually spread outside the strike zone, while a fire like this can become two fires, or in this case, up to 6.

And since we get dry weather a lot here, and that impacts fires, but not earthquakes, environmentally, we’re more in danger.

People are blaming our government for not preparing for this, and while I’m sure there is some truth to that, the reality is that the worst fire is happening near the coast, there’s not a lot we can do about that area being dry. We use ocean water to fight these fires, but the wind is what kept us from doing that, not the lack of resources.

Sometimes, nature just fricks you over.

Some spiteful people online are also saying that this is what the people in Hollywood deserved, and they don’t really feel sorry for them.

A lot of people don’t like California, after all.

Heck, I live in the area and I don’t like it a lot of the time.

Still, it is our home.

And whatever people think about Hollywood, it’s really not most of the state, like outsiders believe.

It’s true that the rich stars who had to evacuate probably have plenty of money to rebuild with, making it hard to feel sorry for them compared to the other people, still it’s their home too.

And there are many more people who are not well off, and were just doing their jobs. I know one person who had to leave a hospital they worked at over this.

I’ve noticed that we humans tend to rush to assume things are karma and judgment when disaster strikes.

Even I do, and I wonder why. Because while making sense of it is something we want to do, I don’t really see how it makes us feel better.

I mean, it could be, but the tricky thing about assuming that, is that you have to ignore how many people who are good and were innocent get caught up in these tragedies.

People like to cite religion as a source for saying all this was judgment, my own father likes to do that.

However, at least in the Bible, many disasters are recorded that were not God’s judgment. The bible even kind of makes it clear that not all bad things are a judgment. Sometimes, they are just bad. Sometimes, there may even be other forces at work besides God.

Why do we rush to assume we know what it is? Like we all know the Mind of God?

Besides which, all the churches, hospital, charities, that get affected by this, are we going to say that God judged them also?

I guess some people might believe that, but I have a hard time swallowing it.

If you’re wondering what it feels like to live through this, it’s weird how things can feel normal, in one way. As long as I don’t step outside and inhale the smoke that makes us feel sick and cough.

And as long as I don’t turn on the news.

Or check my churches’ small group chat to see how many people have family in danger right now.

It’s been strange to me many times how easy it is to ignore tragedy even when it’s close to home, because it’s not right in my backyard.

Yesterday, there was even a faulty alert sent to our area, and then another one this morning, scaring people, who thought we were out of the burn zone.

For a second, we weren’t sure if we might have to evacuate after all.

The thought went through my head that instead of just losing money from not working, I might be facing losing my house and stuff instead.

Thankfully, it was a false alarm, but even for a few minutes, I understood a little better how other people feel.

People are coming together, that’s the nice thing. It’s a lot like how the hurricanes affect people on the East coast.

I feel like I’d prefer the hurricane to this, but I’m pretty sure if I actually saw one, I wouldn’t think so. They’re still more destructive in the long run than the fires.

Still, I think of how scared the students at my school probably have even this week, and it’s weird. Mostly we only worry about school shooters and fires being started in the lab in our schools.

And even that’s bad enough, but you’re used to that threat, so you become dull to it.

You don’t really get used to the threat of wild fires. They’re unpredictable.

They think humans may have started it. We can hope by accident.

Maybe tha’t why we assign blame for this so easily too. Fires, unlike storms, can be started by man. We’ve all seen Bambi. It’s easy to blame the pot heads and crazy people out here.

Yet, it often is an accident. Or just faulty equipment. Not malicious intent (sometimes it is, and then I do think those people deserve what they get.)

The reality is tragedy can be tragic because it’s accidental, and it just happens.

I can’t moralize really about to, since eI don’t know how it started either.

I know we’ve been praying a lot out here, though some people have reported that their family/friends didn’t appreciate the gesture too much.

Whether you believe in God or not, I think it’s good to understand that people pray because they don’t know what else to do to help, but they want to do something. And some of us have no other way to intervene. I’m not offended by Muslims or Buddhists praying for me, even if I don’t acknowledge their gods. I appreciate the support.

There’s no reason to be harsh to people who mean well. Though, when we’re stressed, it can be hard to remember that, so I also hope we can be forgiving of people who may get snippy with us under the circumstances.

I was told we might get some financial aid from the government for my coworkers and I, but honestly, I think most of us don’t need it the most of anyone. If we’re going back to work at all, we’ll be better off than thousands of people right now.

I hope the government directs its resources to the people who will be homeless and jobless for months after this.

I guess that’s all I have to say. Things have taken a better turn today, and if the weather cooperates, we may get all the fires contained by Sunday, at least partially, so I hope if you pray, you’re praying that the weather will stay clam and the wind will not return.

If you are interested in donating to this, there are many things people are setting up to help the victims of the tragedy, if you look it up online, I’m not a patron of any particular charity, but I saw that some are being put together on social media.

Until next time, stay vigilant–Natasha.

Dreams and Realities–New Year’s

/ toseealife / Leave a comment

The turn of the year is coming up.

Every year this time, my Church does this thing they call “Dream Sunday” which happens to be today.

I take the chance around this time to reevaluate my goals in life and ask what I still want to do.

I tend to make two lists. One for the year, and one for my lifetime.

I’ve had getting married and having kids on the lifetime one for years and years–God are you there?

(Just kidding. I know everything has to happen in its time. It just gets hard to wait.)

For other life times goals, becoming a paid professional writer has been on the list since I was a teenager. (Hey, help me with that one and like this post guys.)

But because I know that it takes time to acheive some things, I also make short term dreams.

I don’t like to use the word “goals” or “resolutions” when I do this. Not because there’s anything wrong with those words, per sec, but because I know myself too well. If I treat it like it’s a demand, I won’t want to do it.

A dream is something I can try to do, but if life doesn’t work out that way, I can always find a new dream, just like Tangled told us. (That’s not my favorite Disney movie, but it is probably on my top 10.)

I’m not too disappointed when I don’t meet those goals. And I’ve also learned what dreams are reasonable over the years. When I asking myself a number, like “get 200 followers” then it won’t happen. I can’t control other people.

But if it’s a goal like “get a new car”, or “read 30 books”, something that either isn’t a set number to it one that I can be flexible with, and that I can control, I can usually do it. Even go above and beyond it.

As I mentioned in a different post, I just got the new car. I can’t even remember if I put that on the list last year, or if I just decided I needed it now.

I do know though, that owning a blue Toyota has been on one of my lists, though if it was the dream one or the bucket one, I can’t say, for a long time.

What? I just like what I like guys.

And that’s basically happened. I mean, it’s kinda blue-green, but hey that’s my favorite shade of blue. Light turquoise to aquamarine. I’m a beach girl.

I also just got my wisdom teeth out, yesterday, and while I wouldn’t call that a dream, I’ve had jaw problems for a couple years and I’ve hoped doing this will help a bit, so in a way it’s a dream. Also I was able to get it done quickly and around my work schedule, that was a blessing.

Also, it was way easier than I expected. I barely had any reaction to the anesthesia, and I’m able to chew already the next day (soft foods of course, but still). I apparently am lucky, my mom and sister said they could barely open their mouth for days.

Also I had a best case scenario pretty much, so while I wasn’t jazzed about getting surgery for the first time, I was blessed that it wasn’t a bad experience. (Is it weird if I prefer it to a regular dentist appointment? I hate drills.)

I hope if you have to get yours out, that encourages you.

Anyway, not everything was planned, but they were things I wanted.

And things that were planned, like finishing more stories, and getting a better job, I got and then some. Like last year, I put a better job on the list, and I got a much better and longer one than I expected.

It might not be everyone’s dream job, but it was perfect for me, at this stage of my life. Helped pay for the car, after all.

(Btw, I sold my old car to my sister, though I got it for free, and people are judging me for it. She wanted it that way. I offered to give it to her and she didn’t like the idea of accepting it that way, so I said I’d just sell it to her instead. She wanted to feel more independent, and I 100% respect that.)

Just because I got it for free doesn’t mean I really wanted it that way. I just could never have afforded it when it was given to me, I plan to pay for my own cars going forward if I possibly can. I’m not above getting help, though. I’d do the same for anyone else, I figure, so it’s no big deal to accept it. And I mean that, my family shares bills a lot.

I’ve been able to go out with friends a lot this year. And I think making more friends was one of the things on my list, too. (I haven’t found it yet, but that sounds like something I’d put on it.)

Also, I’ve planned my first get away trip without my mom’s help.

I may actually file for taxes finally, another dream, weird as it sounds, but it means I’m not impoverished anymore.

Now, does all this mean my life is perfect? No.

It’s been a good year.

But I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging. I share all this because I see it as God’s goodness.

But to level with you all who might feel like your life sucks compared to mine (and mine’s not that glamorous, so if yours is worse, I’m sure you’ve got it rough), maybe I can encourage you a bit.

This is a recent thing for me.

For many years, I’ve had a lot of these wishes, and honestly, I couldn’t even work towards them for the longest time, I was just hanging on barely to what I already had, not expanding.

I’ve not had a lot of friends for most of my life, and it’s been weird to make more.

And it felt like I had one issue after another the last few years. I had health issues, though they seemed small, but not to me.

I had job problems constantly.

I got frustrated a lot and I had a lot of anxiety.

And I still sometimes do. I know that none of this stuff I have now will last forever. Friends come and go, so do jobs, vehicles, and health can be changing too.

Money will rise and fall for me, and so will success.

Now that’s no reason to assume I’ll end up worse off. God takes us from glory to glory.

And I don’t mean that in a cheesy way. I’ve seen it play out.

While things have been both bad and good for me, I have noticed a different aspect of life with God in each season. Sometimes it’s his kindness, sometimes it’s just the strength to keep going. The voice in my head that says it’ll get better.

And no, it doesn’t happen overnight.

Christians love to share our testimonies of God’s goodness, because it makes Him sound better to outsiders, and we don’t want to seem like we’re doing badly, when we’re supposed to represent how much better life is with God.

But the wisest of us realize that if life is better with God, it logically must mean that even the bad parts of it are made better by God.

Jesus warned us we’ll never get out of suffering in this life. No matter how good we have it, there will be trouble. Not because God wants us to suffer, but because the world is not a safe place. Suffering is inevitable. Jesus suffered a lot.

And we think that means only the Cross, but no, Jesus was tired, hungry, hurt by his friends and family, mocked, accused, and that was before he even was killed. He slept outside a lot.

Often, we don’t have the mental picture of just how difficult it must have been for him, as a man, though He was God.

So, no, no one gets out of suffering. He wasn’t floating around in a nimbus, people, not feeling the burn of walking everywhere. That’s not how it happened.

But Christian artists have always portrayed Jesus as somewhat above suffering. Not I think, out of a lack of understanding perhaps, always.

But because they recognize that our inner self, that is what makes suffering seem impossible or bearable to us.

Jesus was strong on the inside, so He rose above his circumstances. He was not raised by rich parents, in a well known district. He came from Nazareth, the bad town of the ancient world. Everyone thought it was awful.

He has his high moments, to be sure. His entrance to Jerusalem, he was worshiped, given gold, frankincense, and myrrh by the wise men.

The point I’m making here is that Jesus wasn’t always sad or always suffering, but he certainly wasn’t always doing well either.

His life, like ours, had its ups and downs.

So when Christians say that God will make your life better, we don’t mean your problems will go away. We mean that God will get in your problems and make it better for you.

And I would say that’s the truth, in my experience.

I had depression and anxiety, they didn’t just go away because of my faith (they have gone away mostly now, though). But while I had them, I felt God with me. Not always in a distinct feeling of peace, but at least, I felt like I was not alone.

I think that’s the worst part, really being alone. Ever notice that no matter what experience we suffer, the loneliness part is always the worst. Even if it’s painful in other ways, somehow what horrifies us is that we’re alone.

Humans do not like to be alone.

It’s funny too, I’ll see people online saying they like to be alone–in a public comment section, where they’re commenting on other peoples thoughts and getting likes and comments back.

I’m thinking “you don’t like to be alone, you’re asking for sympathy from strangers, and giving your opinions on their lives, because that’s just a less risky way to have companionship. You get to have it on your terms, that’s all. You’re not truly trying to be alone.”

Let’s say no one who’s on the internet is ever trying to really be alone.

Maybe if you go off the grid and live in a log cabin without a phone, then you’re really trying to be alone–and you’re not reading this post then.

I do notice though, that people who say they want to be alone, have small dreams.

Like it or not, we need other people to make our dreams happen. I know mine never would have happened without people–and some of them literally require other people participating to make happen at all. I can’t marry and have kids with myself, can I?

So, no, I don’t leave other people out of my dreams.

And I submit everything to God.

The word says if you commit your ways to the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.

This doesn’t mean, I think, that we get every single thing we want. I think that there are desires that God gives us, in our lives, that He will make happen, if we don’t go against His will.

Often something would only be good for us if it was through God. Otherwise, it would end badly.

Not just because God won’t bless it if it’s not through Him, but often the ways we try to get things without God are very selfish. We lie, we steal, we cheat. We try to get ahead.

I don’t really want to be rich, now.

I’ve wondered if it would be nice, but honestly, I think if I didn’t have to work, I’d feel pretty useless. I would like to be well off enough to work only at what I like doing, instead of what I hate to do, but, that’s not a requirement, it’s just what I prefer.

But if I got a billion dollars or something and never need to work again, I’d feel empty.

Sure, a lot of money would help me…

But honestly, right now, there’s not that many problems I have that I really need to fix with money. There’s a few, and long term, yes, I’ll need more.

But I can say for what I need right, now, I have enough. And I’ve noticed that’s always the case. God has never given me an overwhelming amount of wealth, but He’s always given me as much as I need for my current expenses. And that’s been true even as my expenses increased.

Sometimes I want to get ahead, and I get frustrated that I can’t, but I know I have no real reason to complain.

It’s the same with my dreams. They didn’t all happen when I wanted. And they still haven’t all happened.

But enough of them have happened for me to know that God is good.

And I’ll get the other things, if I need them.

Though I don’t think that God only does things when we need them. I do think some stuff is just for the fun of it. Just because we want them, too. But that’s more depending on if it will hurt us or not. You can’t be more generous than God, but He knows what we need to be happy.

That’s the thing too, I think that’s maybe why I haven’t gotten further ahead. Working for all this makes me feel more satisfied with my life.

Would I really be happier if it was easier for me?

I don’t know. I kind of doubt it, somehow.

I do hope that one day I can live below my means and still have enough, but, I’m trying not to worry about it anymore.

See, goals and money problems were what plagued my dad constantly while I was growing up. The funny thing was, we were never starving or homeless. I’d say we really weren’t that bad off. But he obsessed over every money problem anyway.

And all his other goals, he’d forget about them and just worry about business.

And, we never had that many other goals. We’d talk about it, but eventually it always came back to business. He didn’t stick to any other goal.

My dad is good at business, so it’s not like it’s not his gift, but I thought it should have made him happier than it did.

That’s why I have other goals, ones I don’t have to pay for.

And some things I will have to pay for. Both.

Because success isn’t just in money, but money is usually part of success. Put that on a plaque.

So yeah, you know, I’m happy.

Lastly, let me say, I do still sometimes have the fear that all this will go away just as fast as it came.

And it’s true there are no guarantees in life.

But I realize that this was kind of hurting my ability to enjoy it.

I’m not perfectly good at blocking out worry yet. I think it would be hard for someone like me, who’s been like that most of her life, to unlearn it in 1 or 2 years, but, I am better than I was.

See, I’ve heard the cliche that you won’t fix it by worrying, but I only recently started to realize just how logical that is.

I guess I lacked maturity before to really embrace it. And this is not an age thing, so many older women than I are obsessed with worries and fears.

So I say if I’ve changed, it must be a God thing.

So, to get back on topic, not every dream may happen. And some things that I have now, I may not have later.

Hoesn thoguh…so what?

I mean there are always other things you can do. The world is full of stuff, why get hung up on losing or having one thing, or one person.

True people are not replaceable, but you can always let new ones in.

I mean if I quit because of bad experiences, I’d have quit years before I made any real friends.

That’s the thing, why do we give up? Why do we settle for our life the way it is. Nearly every problem gets better with enough time, energy, and innovation to try to fix it.

I mean you can make money at home in so many ways now, you can’t have really tried everything if you’re broke.

Maybe there’s so many things we can do, that we can’t settle on one.

I really do suggest making a dream list then. Things you always wanted to do, or things that just sound fun to you.

Try to do them. At least one of them. In the next year.

I should get started on mine.

Happy New Year to you all, and stay honest–Natasha.

Why Do Christians Over spiritualize everything?

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You ever talk to a Christian who thinks everything has to have some spiritual tagline?

Like a coffee shop has to be called “Holy Grounds” or “He brews” (My churches’ coffee shop is just called Cafe Vida as a nod to the Churches’ name, but, that actually sounds like a normal cafe name. Guess we dodged that bullet.)

Or Christian gum? Or Christian versions of literally everything? if you go to a Christian bookstore, you’d be surprised how many eye-rolling puns and rebranding you’ll find. (Heck, it’s like going into Hot Topic but without the punk goth style.)

I’ve grown up around this stuff and some of it always seemed a little odd. Other stuff, it seemed cheesy but harmless.

And honestly, I don’t think cheesy rebranding is really that big a problem. People make fun of Christians for it, but, in a culture where anime fans buy plushies and body pillows based on fictional characters, and write fan fics shipping themselves with real and imaginary people, and there’s a brand store for pretty much every group out there (including Satanists) I think we could all just acknowledge that it’s not a Christian thing to be cheesy, it’s a human thing.

We like to have our little groups and to make our merch for them.

Nothing really wrong with that.

However, I’ve noticed that the attitude of everything needing to be Christian can also translated into “everything needs to be spiritual.” Everything needs to be rebranded into a certain interpretation.

I’m guessing you clicked don this post for one of three reasons.

  1. You’re a Christian who is already set to be offended by anything I say to criticize Christians–or you may secrets agree with me about it and don’t have an outlet at your church.
  2. You’re a non-Christian who wants to read about how nuts Christians are (very popular now I know)
  3. You actually follow me and read it because I haven’t posted in a month or so. (In which case, thank you so much for your support.)

I’m probably going to annoy you if you’re group 1, I don’t know about the other two.

Now to be clear, I’m not hating on my fellow believers. By and large they are the nicest people I meet, no matter where I go. Sure, there’s some bad apples, but, if I took the bulk of non-believer I met, and the bulk of believers, the believers would win out as to who has been the most kind, helpful, supportive, and positive influence in my life.

However, my critique is more than Christians only help with some things, but often have this weird blind spot that I think is not biblical and not wise, especially in this day and age where people’ have forgotten all common sense approach to anything in life.

In fact that’s what I think we’re missing as a whole: Common sense.

Or, wisdom, if you prefer the Bible word (see what I did there?).

Some people also call it discernment, but that often gets mistaken as just being about spirtual warfare. In relay, discernment needs to be a skill evyeron uses, even if you’re not a believer.

What made me start thinking about this right now (thought not for the first time) was a conversation I had with a friend at the Bible study group last night.

This guy had shared several months ago about a problem with losing his enthusiasm for doing spiritual things. He still has his faith and still love the Lord, but doesn’t feel the same drive to pray, fast, or worship. He was worried that his closeness with God was being damaged.

Honestly, I could relate to it, as I’ve had the same feeling for a couple years now. However, in working through it in my life, I’d come to see some things about it.

My immediate reaction was to say I thought it was probably just the normal dying down of enthusiasm. This guy has been a Christian less than 4 years, and I would have expected it to happen a lot sooner. We all eventually lose the first passion and have to replace it with something deeper.

However, I was the only one who had this perspective.

They meant well, but every other person in the group jumped either to “some unknown sin” (Think of Job’s comforters in that story) or to “spiritual attack” and that we needed to pray it away and stuff.

Well, I knew that wasn’t going to work. And I wished I had a chance to talk to him more about it because I felt sure I knew the real problem. But then, I wondered if I was just being arrogant and thinking I knew best, as I usually do.

Months go by and I don’t hear any more about it, but then yesterday, he brings it up again and asks if we can talk about it (well I offered too since he was asking for prayer, but he was eager).

So me, and my sister sat down and heard the story.

I can’t lay it all out, but suffice it to say a lot of lifestyle changes, new responsibilities, and probably just the natural passage of time’s effects on our emotions seemed like the root cause. There was no sin, no religious trauma (this guy didn’t grow up in church really so it’s not an aversion to spiritual things based on past experiences) and no one in his life was really making it harder. It’s just that life changes, and our passion and energy change with it.

And since the issue had not changed, despite the prayer and other “Spiritual” advice, my sister and I figured we were right. It wasn’t sin or warfare.

After we got done talking, the guy said what we said did seem to help a little. And we asked what was helpful and he said that while he’d talked to our pastor and other believers about it, no one had really given him the practical angle like we did.

Our suggestions were mostly lifestyle based.

We didn’t say to pray the problem away, to fast, or to worship.

My personal thought was he probably over did it as a new Christian, and that was why he was burned out on it. But I didn’t say it that way, I just suggested trying other things to connect with God that weren’t so spiritual, and that it was fine to use things like exercise, (my sister suggested using art, movies, and stories to find meaning that God might have for you).

I also suggested (as I always do) to read a book. The Screwtape Letters talks a lot a

bout spiritual burnout and how to deal with it. And it’s an easy read, while a lot of theology books aren’t (I love them but, they’re very dry usually.)

Whether bro will take our advice or not, he seemed relieved that we didn’t make the whole thing into even more of a spiritual crisis.

The real problem here is often that we start to feel guilt and shame for not wanting to do these things.

Personally, I’ve found it much easier to pray when I’m exercising, whether it’s just walking (what many people do), or dancing, or literally lifting weights and doing pushups. It’s easier to worship that way too.

Sometimes activating my body helps me and my soul and mind. And that’s not a new idea. Paul wrote that bodily exercise is good, but spiritual exercise is better. (1 Timothy 4:8)

C. S. Lewis addressed the loss of early enthusiasm in the Christian walk many times in his writings, like The Screwtape Letters:

“Let him assume that the first ardours of his conversion might have been expected to last, and ought to have lasted, forever, and that his present dryness is an equally permanent condition.” [Chapter 9]

He also states that we forget that we are mind, soul, and body. That if we treat our body unwisely, it will make our spiritual lives harder. We’re all united.

Also why doing the right things will make our bodies healthier. There’s scientific research to back this up, but anyone who paid attention really would notice the same thing in the people around them. My family members who lived the most sinful, undisciplined lives ended up with a myriad of health issues, while the ones who did not have even for the most part, the healthiest.

Now it’s not always true, some chronic disease are just genetics or not our choice, but, it’s true more times than it isn’t, in my opinion (And health experts agrees).

That said, do you know how many times I’ve heard any Christian go to that when someone tells them a problem.

It’s weird to me actually, how divorced we are from our everyday lives when we go to church.

I’ve heard plenty of believes give life advice that was practical when they were having our outside of church–some of them still rely solely on spiritual stuff, but many will suggest lifestyle changes outside church–but insides church, they will only say prayer, fasting, worship, whatever.

It’s like we’re ashamed to be normal human beings with normal problems.

This attitude is not remotely biblical. I’m not even sure how it got so widespread. and it’s not even just America.

I used to go to an African church (I mean they mostly were Africans who went to it, it wasn’t in Africa), and they were actually more this way. Anything could ever be cussed just by health issues, it was always the devil. Nothing could ever be irresponsibility on your part, it was la the devil attacking you.

Maybe here and there one person might suggest it was something else, but, they never really got much attention.

It was so weird for me. I mean, I wasn’t sure whether to agree or not.

But going to many different churches in my life, and listened to different problems people have, I’ve thought most of the time “You know that to could easily be resolved if you’d just mature, or make a change to your life that would be smart. You don’t need prayer, you need discipline!”

I’m not by any means saying we shouldn’t pray about everything (Philippians 4:6). But there’s another aspect of this the Bible covers, particularly in the book of James. Which makes it clear that we are not to only pray for people’s blessings. We are also supposed to bless them ourselves, if we have the means to do so’

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds?…15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” [James 2]

And there are chapters and chapters of how Christians are supposed to live, how we are supposed to grow in self control and kindness and modesty (not the clothing kind).

So it’s not as if God doesn’t make it clear that we need to address our mind and our bodies as well as our soul.

I don’t know why this has gone out of the Church’s Sunday Sermons, Bible Studies, and general ideology so much. At most, we give lip service to it. But people often get very offended if you dare to advise them on any practical matters.

(Though some of us would be really glad for it.)

Despite being raised in a Christian home, where my parents both turn to the spiritual aspect more than anything else when they address issues, I’ve always rushed more to any practical explanation first.

Actually, that’s probably why. For years I’ve watched my father deal with lifestyle and behavioral issues, and he always went for prayer on them…and nothing happened.

I don’t think it’s that prayer isn’t a real help for many people. I think it’s that prayer must be followed by our actions. Unless it’s a situation that we can’t do anything about. But, if we’re honest, 80% of our problems are ones we could easily do something about, and people often use prayer as an excuse to do nothing.

They act as if God will take care of it. God will magically change your personality and life habits for you.

Yeah, well, even if God could do this, why would He?

Don’t you think God might find it demeaning to be asked to fix problems for you that you could fix yourself? Many parents and even professionals find it annoying to be asked to fix stuff for people that they could fix on their own.

And like your mom when she cleans your room, if God fixes your easy problem, He may do it by eliminating some things you don’t necessarily want gone, because it gets to that point where it’s too frustrating to deal with it anymore. (I mean that sounds like what happened to the Israelites when they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.)

I guess the big question now is why do we do this? And how harmful is it?

I’ve spent some time describing why we need to take action in the here and now, but is thre really any reason not to say that’s also spiritual.

Well, according to James, it is spiritual. True religion is serving the people who won’t be able to pay you back for it. Often, who won’t thank you for it.

C. S. Lewis said that kind of true Christian would be someone who seems to always have a lot of time, and never talks about their problems extensively or their achievements.

I’m not there yet, certainly. But Lewis tried to practice what he preached. He tried not to think of his influence on people, as one of his friends documented. (An introduction to the the Weight of Glory tells the story.)

That said, Lewis was always wary of spiritual pride. The temptation to think that being more “in the know” about spiritual things makes you better than non-believers, or even new believers.

And we do that a lot in the modern church (I suspect it’s always been the biggest problem in any church, really).

We don’t think of it as pride.

But when we tell someone who’s opening up about a struggle that they should just pray more, or do this or that spiritual thing, but we don’t offer any other help to them, that’s pride.

It’s like saying “If you did all these spiritual things I did, you wouldn’t have problems.”

Chonda Pierce, a famous Christian comedian, told how in her struggles with depression, that was what got on her nerves the most when people told her. No one just wanted to listen to her vent and be supportive. Judgment free.

Most of us probably mean well (I’ve done it myself once or twice), thinking that’s just what we’re supposed to say–and then there are some who are just mean and dismissive because they truly don’t care.

Either way, it doesn’t help, but people generally forgive the first kind more easily.

The thing is, this or that said in prayer doesn’t always really matter. Shocking I know. But God knows our hearts. He knows what we mean, the Bible says that too. Saying magic words doesn’t make anything different.

There are things you can learn to pray for better, sure, but I never thought formulas were a good idea. Too much like the way pagans worship their false gods. Repetition. Jesus warned about that.

And he warned that over complicating things is also the work of futile religion.

The best thing to do is pray simply and honestly about what you need, thank God, and ask forgiveness. in some measure all of us should be praying those three things on a regular basis. Whether you do it daily in that order, or you do it was the need arises.

The bible also never says how long to pray, or how many days a week you should. Though it does support doing it every day, it sounds like in some place, but God never commands it in the New Testament in so many words. Jesus says “our daily bread” as the closest thing to it.

I’m not saying you should pray every day, but I’m saying that people make up all these standards. Pray for an hour, pray for half an hour, pray 5 times a day…and it’s all unnecessary.

Pray when you can, when you should, and when God leads you. Figure out the rest to fit your life, that’s what I tell people.

Reality is, especially if you’re a parent, you can’t devote hours every day to prayer. Telling people that’s the answer is ridiculous.

Telling people that more worship will fix every issue they’re having is also ridiculous.

Yes, it may help. Worship does help us relax, it does help a lot of things, but, that doesn’t mean you should be doing what you can on your end.

An old saying is “Heaven helps those who help themselves.” It’s not the bible, but the Bible does say to work and to live wisely. which is pretty much the same thing. That phrase has fallen out of popularity in our entitled, spoiled generations.

Honestly, people who work hard to make what they want happen often don’t demand as much from God anyway, and are more grateful for the hlep He does give. But they often need less to begin with because they do work for themselves.

And why should we earn part of our own success? There are things only God can give you, it’s true, but you have to remember the parable of the talents. Everyone has so much and they need to do so much with what God gives them, or it goes to waste.

And all this asking God to give you more, instead of figuring out how to use what you have better, is not a good lifestyle.

And this applies to mental health issues as well. People ask for prayer for anxiety and depression all the time…if you dare to suggest that they probably should exercise more, cut down on sugar, sotp reading angsty teen novels or watching depressing movies, and stop hanging around people who only company ob t life–well then you’re part of the problem. You dared to expect something from them.

Look, I don’t know how else to say it, if something is enough of a problem for you to ask for prayer from other people about it (since most of us don’t like sharing our problems anyway) then it’s nos you need to be willing to take action to fix.

And who’s to say God does not answer prayer by simply telling you what to do to make it better? Many of my prayers have been answered that way. And many people I know have shard similar stories.

Like when Naaman asked a prophet what to do to be cured of leprosy, and he was told to bathe in the Jordan River 7 times. He refused at first, thinking it was too silly and unnecessary, and his servants asked him “if he had asked you to do a hard thing, would you have done it?”

And so, realized that it was simple to do it, he did, and he was cured.

Simple things can be the hardest, because we can do them ourselves, we just don’t want to.

And we’re afraid to tell each other that, because peopel get the most offended when you say they need to change.

But, that’s life. Most things in life only change when you yourselves change. Tough crap if you don’t like it.

One more thing…

Perhaps a lot of this sounded only like basic common sense after all, and nothing really unusual.

But what if I said I don’t even think the attending church weekly, and participating in ministry is really most of what Christianity is about.

That might shock you.

Ministry is important, but, again, most of the ministry done through church is just more church. More 6 week lesson series, studies and prayer meetings.

Which is fine, but, rarely changes anyting in your life big time.

Helping the person you sit next to in school, on the bus, at work, that’s much closer to real Christianity.

But those are the poele who often annoy us the most, aren’t they?

Or being kind to your own family, that’s not the popular topic now, is it?

But that’s what the Bible, and really, most faiths that have nay merit at all, describe as real righteousness. Personal and private life things being in order before public or professional ones.

Yes, the public ones are important, but never as much as private, though it’s counter-intuitive to most of us to think of it that way.

But a thought to keep in mind is that Jesus Himself did not often attend church, though He did go to temple when he was in town and could. Before they drove Him out.

Jesus spent the majority of his time traveling, eating, drinking, and teaching his followers. He settled disputes, provided food, and did many miracles in private, not public. He taught often about how to live with your neighbor and your brother, not with your public.

Why? Because that’s what He was really about fixing.

And how to live with God. How to honor Him truly. How to show Him your love.

Jesus didn’t have 4 worship songs, a prayer time at the end of service, and offering.

All that was a part of his life, but in a different way. He wove it into his full life, he never separated the two like we are.

And compartmentalizing it into just chruch stuff is part of our problem. We should see following God as holistic.

You can follow God while you’re working out at the gym, reading a book, babysitting, taking kids to school, doing a desk job, doing a physical labor job, teaching, sleeping, showering, whatever.

Do everything as to the Lord, the Bible says. [Colossians 3:23]

And if any area of your life is out of balance, the best way to serve the Lord is to bring it into balance, whether you need a physical, mindful, emotional, or spiritual solution. Often it’s more than one thing.

Adn yes, there’s time to use prayer and fight on another plane, but, it should usually be only one step, not the only step period.

Food for thought, and I think I’ll end there.

TLDR: We do this because we’re afraid to admit we have non-spiritual problems because it makes us sound more ordinary and we think a good Christian should be spiritual.

But, we’re all human and it’s part of life to have normal problems too, which sometimes need normal solutions as much as spiritual ones.

Thanks for reading, and until next time, stay honest–Natasha.