I was looking at a short video on YouTube last night which made me kind of sad.
In it, one of those r/reddit threads was asking people about something they’ve never forgotten being said to them, and the person told a story about how their husband said their singing was annoying.
This woman loved to sing, and after her husband said that, she said she no longer felt the same about it. It was her way of expressing joy.
Though he later apologized, she still felt bad.
The comment section was full of people sharing similar stories of how others crapped on their innocent fun and talents in the same way.
I have that story too, only it didn’t happen to me just once. My dad made fun of my singing for years, though it didn’t stop me from doing it (though it did stop me from doing it around him a lot.)
Once I even sang for his birthday party since my sisters weren’t willing to do it, though he wasn’t very happy with me doing it instead, and after he said I sang off key. No “thank you”, nothing.
My father was less than encouraging about my writing (doesn’t read this blog either, not for years,) and even encouraged my sisters to make fun of it. Thankfully, they stopped doing that and are now my biggest fans (and sometimes the only fans I have.)
I was hurt plenty of times by my dad’s comments, and my mom didn’t exactly say he was wrong.
Though I had a singing instructor who said I had a good voice, I didn’t really think so.
Now I can’t even tell. I like singing still, I like listening to myself if I’m not on recording, but on recording, I can’t tell if it’s good or not.
I often wish I could sing like my sister, who has a very good voice and musical talent.
But the funny thing is, she was encouraged in that by my father and other people, and me and my other sister even, while we were less encouraged.
And I’ve noticed that singing is harder when you feel less confident about it. Actually that was in some of the other stories in the thread too.
Pretty much everything is hard to do well when you feel insecure.
But singing made me happy.
Honestly, while I would like it if other people enjoyed listening to me, I would sing anyway, even if only while I was alone.
It was sad to me to read that so many people just gave up what they loved doing, just because of one mean comment.
It’s like we thing one other person is really the judge of our talents.
Newflash: Other people can be wrong, and often are wrong.
I mean name one famous singer who is liked by every single person. None of them are.
No famous artist appeals to every single person out there. Some philosophers used to think that’s what made art, art. The fact that it can’t always appeal to the masses.
What we find annoying also changes based on how tired we are, how stressed we are, and as us ladies know, our hormone levels.
I can be fine with something one day and another day and I want to scream if I hear it or see it.
I can even find singing and talking annoying sometimes, from other people.
But I do not do what my father used to do and bark “Quiet!” at them, just for existing. (He said that when we sneezed or coughed too, as if we could help that).
I do have moments when I say sharp things without a good reason, I won’t deny it. I think we all do. But thankfully, my family knows that I’m doing that in a moment of irritation and not because I find what they do annoying at all times. And they know that because I praise them for what they do also.
It’s fine to maybe not want to hear or do something at one particular moment, and if it won’t hurt the other person’s feelings, you can say “can we please be quiet for a bit?”
In a secure relationship, someone else can understand that you just need a break, and it’s not them, it’s just that you’re tired.
But if you say things thoughtlessly lie ” you’re annoying” Then it becomes about having a problem with them.
I’m sure my dad was told he was annoying all the time growing up, he’s said as mcuh (and he was, from all I hear). No doubt to him, it’s normal to snap at people like that.
But I don’t want to be that way.
I also think we need to grow a thicker skin. All of us are going to annoy people sometimes. And it’s good to be considerate of them.
The funny thing is my father was not the least bit considerate of me. When he played his music, he’d crank it up so loud it would make my head hurt. Even if I told him I already had a headache, he would just say “Too bad!”
Yeah, this is the same person who got mad at us for involuntarily sneezing.
You see my point? Some people are just nsaty.
You can’t let them kill your joy.
The fact is, what you’re doing may only be annoying to them because they are too easily annoyed. We all need to learn paitence.
It’s not like every feeling is valid (whatever they say now). I know that it’s irrational to find kids laughing annoying, especially if they’re outside, and not bothering me, but some people still find it annoying. But if I do, that’s a me problem. they’re not doing anything wrong. (I don’t actually find it annoying btw, it’s just an example.)
The feeling of annoyance is something that’s hard to control and inconsistent; and that’s why we shouldn’t let it master our words and actions. It’s not even worth it to complain half the time, I think.
In my mind, the only valid time to ask someone not to do something because it annoys you is if you’re feeling sick or you’re trying to focus or rest, and then it is inconsiderate of them.
Otherwise, they’re just living their lives, and you should let them.
And I apply that to my own actions too. I try not to get mad at people over dumb little things they don’t need to worry about.
Often, I just change my environment. Like, if I don’t want to listen to someone or something in the background, I put in my earbuds. We have so much technology now that can help us not be annoyed and then make us be nicer to people, but we still don’t always use it.
I chose not to listen to my dad, and to keep singing and keep writing.
And look at me now.
I’m not extremely successful as a writer maybe, but, I’m growing, I’m reaching an audience. I’m honing my skills.
And I may not be a famous singer, but I put it to use when I teach and my love of music works for me in other ways, like when I practice sign language.
I also recently had a karaokee themed birthday party, and while I didn’t sing the best (had a clogged throat from allergies), my friends said that it was still very fun.
And that’s the real point.
Not everyone is really good at something, but that’s no reason not to do it, if you like it.
I am not good at chess. I still played someone last week who I knew would beat me, because it’s fun, and I like to challenge myself (I like wining more, but, it’s good to play a game you know you’ll lose every so often, just to not get too arrogant.)
I’m not great at dancing, but I still dance.
Who cares?
If someone really needs to control your actions to that point, maybe they have the probelm.
That’s why I’m telling you all, if you dropped something that you used to love because of a mean comment, don’t.
Get back into it.
Don’t let people shame you out of doing what you really like.
I’m not saying to make a career out of it, though maybe you could. But some things we need to do just for the love of them, because money has a way of making even fun things feel like work.
That may be why God in His wisdom gives us all a penchant to enjoy doing things we aren’t good at, so that we won’t monetize everything we do.
If I ever make money from writing, I know it might take some of the fun out. And you know, I’m disciplined enough now to maybe be able to handle it, but, I’m glad I had so many years of doing it for only myself for only a few people. I got to really enjoy what I do.
Same thing with childcare really. I didn’t have to do it for a long time, but I voluntarily did it, and even though I do it for a living now (in a way), I’m still glad I didn’t for a long time.
So whatever people said to you, remember they don’t have the right to judge your entire life, or your interests.
Personally, I don’t do that to others. Even if I think they suck at what they do, it’s their life and it’s their right to do it. I don’t have to particopate in it if I think it’s bad, right?
(I’m talking just about quality, not morality, obviously, that’s a different conversation than this post is having).
Anyway, I hope this encourages someone. I felt like more people needed to hear this. Just do what you love.
Even if you’re doing it alone, or not paid, or people say you’re not good at it, do it anyway. Skill isn’t everything in life.
Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.







