Life Advice

Ladylike.

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Here’s something I heard a girl say last week. “I am not a lady.” And I immediately thought. “I am.”

Of course, I realized at once that being a lady is not seen as a very good thing nowadays. It’s got a bad rap.

I think that girls look at the term ladylike as being restrictive. It means you can’t do a  bunch of things that you like, that guys can do, just because you’re a girl.

I get it. But I’ve never seen being a lady as being restrictive.

It’s true that there are some rules, you can’t just decide to be one and then act however you wish. And it’s also true that being a lady did become something confining after awhile.

You see, what a lot of us don’t realize anymore was that Lady used to be a title. It meant you had some relation to a king or queen. That’s where the term lady-in-waiting came from. Ladyship was part of being nobility. It was a little different from gentry, (gentry are people who don’t have to work and live off their estates usually. Read Pride and Prejudice.) Being a lord or lady meant power as well as money. It meant class.

Eventually being a lady came to mean anyone who demonstrated the qualities a lady was supposed to have. And that’s where the modern era got persnickety.

Being a lady is shown in you taste. What you wear, how you wear it. How you walk, and how you talk. It is called being well-bred.

But as authors like Jane Austen have so candidly pointed out, being well-bred has nothing to do with your wealth, status, or how fine your clothes and house are. It has to do with how you treat people and how you conduct yourself.

A well-bred woman would be one who is gracious to guests and hosts alike, treats everyone as if they are worth being kind to, and does not discriminate between race or class. She does not throw herself away because she  had been taught that she is worth being earned. She ignores vulgarity and certainly won’t participate in it. She strives to shoe her children or any children around her that they need to conduct themselves with dignity.

A lady will not use vulgar language because she will not need to, she ha the ability to make her point using the words everyone can understand.

It may sound by this point like I’m creating an impossible standard. But that is kind of the point.

Not many women achieved being a lady, even in the day and age when it was a title, because it rests on the heart and not the training. It is hard to be really kind, really classy, really set a good example.

And I don’t always. but I want to. So even if the standard seems impossible, I think it is better to reach for the impossible than to settle for being mediocre.

We keep telling girls not to hold back and to reach higher, but we are not telling them that that starts with their character. If you want to excel in life, you need to excel in you soul. You need to be kinder than people expect; braver than they expect; more merciful than they deserve; and stronger than the kind of strength that comes from being uncouth.

If I may be so blunt, why do you deserve to succeed more than men if you treat men worse than you’d treat a dog?

Now I’ not saying you personally do, (I’m sure you don’t,) but you’ve seen examples of it before. Women are told to be ruthless now, and to trash all hint of being at all feminine.

I saw a commercial for a kid’s show that defined being equal with men as being as good at sports and “just as gross in the bathroom.”….?

I mean, seriously? I’m bringing up equality only because I know just talking about being a lady is enough to get a fight going about gender roles.

Here’s the deal, guys need to have the same qualities that I’m talking about. I’m just saying that it’s ladylike because I feel like girls are taught to be ashamed of possessing a lot of the gentler virtues. The fact is, all of us need them. because it’s part of being a full human being to be a kind, forgiving, brave, and strong person.

However, strength is not always force.

I can be a bit rough it’s true, but I never try to  be unkindly so. And girls, I don’t mean that if you have a fiery personality that’s a bad thing. I have one myself, and I don’t think it has anything to do with being a lady. Like I said, it’s a matter of the heart.

But I think we’d all be surprised at how much power there is in the thing that used to be call ladylikeness, and also class. It doesn’t matter really what kind of music you like, or if you can speak proper grammar, or if you know how to behave at a fine restaurant. Your class shows in how you use the things you already have.

This is running long, so I’ll end on that thought. Until next post–Natasha.

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Like a lily among the thorns.

Thorns and Stones.

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I was away for the weekend and couldn’t post. But here I am again.

So, I was at church camp, something just about every Christian kid has heard of or been to; and a lot of us love it; but some of us have skepticism about the results.

Maybe you can relate, people have an amazing, emotional experience, they say their life will never be the same, and in a month or so they start acting like they always have. and you think “Well that was a lot of nothing.”

This is not just a Christian thing, everyone from pop stars to homeless people knows these kinds of experiences. Those of us who just know people who’ve had them can get pretty skeptical. So why? Is it really true that people just don’t change? And religion, or at least epiphany, is just emotional hype.

I’ll tell you that everyone from public school teachers to youth group counselors are puzzled about this problem. Why? they ask, can’t kids stick with change? Then they sigh and shrug it off and say, oh well. Back to the drawing board. Hey, I admire they’re perseverance, I just wish they didn’t relinquish they’re expectations.

The Bible sums up this problem perfectly in a parable Jesus told, famously called the Sower. The Sower is sowing seeds and they keep falling in the wrong places, some on the road, some among thorns, others among stones, and some on good soil. The ones on the road get eaten by birds. But the ones among the thorns and the stones sprout and grow for a time. But then the thorns grow up and choke the wheat, and the wheat on the stones withers because of the sun, since it has no deep roots.  Jesus then explains that those seeds represent people who hear the word and rejoice but then the cares and troubles of the world (the weeds) choke them, and they fall away. Others rejoice and grow for a time, but they have no root in themselves, and when trouble comes because of the word, they fall away.

I want to point out that the two enemies here are distraction and difficulty.

This camp I was at, the preachers warned us, don’t get distracted when you go home, and not live out what you were taught. Do you know what I started thinking about before I even left?  The things I wanted to do when I got home, and how I wanted to eat a decent meal. (Camp food is okay, but I’ve never eaten much of it. I have low appetite in high altitude.) And do you know what met me when I woke up this morning? The buzz of the TV in another room, and the things I wanted to  get done today.

Distraction.

There maybe not a single thing that more quickly kills passion. And not just spiritual fire, I mean any kind of passion. Except, you’ll notice, the unhealthy kinds. Like addictions to substances, electronics, or gaming, or whatever. Because those things are effortless.

You’ve heard the saying anything worth doing is worth doing right, but there’s another saying, it goes something like “nothing worth having comes easy.”

And it’s true. Experience and Success at worth having, but they aren’t easy. Even if they are, in rare cases, an overnight sensation, it doesn’t last without hard work. And what’s worse is the people who succeed quickly often don’t have the character or the know how to keep on succeeding, and when trouble comes, they fall under.

Think of Luke Skywalker in “The Empire Strikes Back.” He’s all set to take on the enemy, but he’s warned by Yoda about his anger. He also fails because he doesn’t believe enough in what is possible. In the end he recklessly tries to rescue his friends, and receives a major setback, it literally costs him a limb (well, a hand.) Plus, he doesn’t help his friends, they have to endanger themselves to go back and rescue him. In the end, he has a burden he was not ready for, the knowledge of who his father is.

In the end Luke’s mistakes do end up helping him, after he learns from them. But he demonstrated a lack of maturity in making them in the first place. Like the seeds on the stony soil, he hadn’t enough root.

It’s good for us that you can change the kind of soil you are. Weeds can be pulled out, rocks can be removed. If someone else puts the time and effort into doing so.

And the thing is, usually we do need help. It’s rare that we change without receiving a wake up call from someone or something. Usually it has to be their intention to stir us up. Some of us can just go to a camp, or a conference, and that’s enough. Others need a person to walk with them and encourage them.

But sadly, a lot of young people don’t put out the effort to find such a person, and even if they do (as I have) it can be hard to find anyone who really believes you can handle being pushed. And if they don’t, they won’t do you much good.

My last resource, as I have explained in recent posts, is also my first: I go to God. He’s the sower and He knows how to tend the soil to make it better. I used to be poor soil, but I finally caught the fire, and I haven’t lost it yet. But I’m aware that it is not my own ability but God’s careful leading that is responsible for that.

Maybe you have a parent like that, or another mentor, like a teacher or more distant relative. Maybe you don’t, but I encourage you anyway to do your part. Distraction and difficulty are hard obstacles to overcome, but it is possible if you don’t quit.

That’s all for now, over and out–Natasha.

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Weeds, a bird, and clutter.

A sad farewell

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This is a post in commemoration of something that may only matter to me personally.

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Light up the stars

 Girl Meets World has been cancelled.

If you never watched it you probably don’t care, and I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t either.

Now, unlike a lot of fans, I’m not broken up about it. I have to confess that a lot of the more recent episodes had begun to turn me off because they were so repetitive. But I believed the writers could climb out of their rut. Now they may not get the chance.

Plus the final episodes were really good, and I almost was moved to tears by them. I could relate plenty to the idea of leaving places and people you love to go separate ways. All the fans feel like they didn’t get their fair share  of the show, since it only ran three seasons instead of the expected four.

Well it’s Disney channel’s right to cancel whatever they want. But I will say without bias (since I used to watch Disney Channel before Girl Meets World existed and I didn’t like most of the shows. I barely liked any,) the it is the best show I’ve ever seen on the channel, and one of the best shows for kids I’ve seen period.

I think Girl Meets World is worth remembering for one reason. though it had it’s flaws, it was clear to all of us watching that the writers (and actors) cared about their audience. Whether we agreed with them or not, we knew they had the guts to challenge us. And to talk to us about mature subjects that even adults struggle with, and yet in a way high schoolers could relate to, whether you’re homeschooled, private schooled, or public schooled.

Without being inappropriate, this show managed to be serious and also funny. It didn’t do it perfectly, but it didn’t have to. We could tell they were trying, and that made up for the errors most of the time. Even when it didn’t, we still gave the next episode a shot because we knew they could outperform themselves.

Frankly, the young actors on that show could be proud of being on it. And I can’t say that about a lot of kids’ shows.

The fact that this show was cancelled at all demonstrates to me and every other fan, that the producers actually couldn’t care less about what we learn and if they are improving out lives. The total crud they are endorsing season after season because it gets better ratings….? Why?!!

I’ll tell you why. Money. And the fact that our culture does not hold anyone in the industry up to any kind of standards for making good quality material. As long as it’s not sex, drugs, or alcohol, and no one’s getting murdered, it’s a kid show.

Read that last sentence again. What are we coming to? Girl Meets World, silly as it sounds, was a beacon of hope to a lot of us that maybe some people out there cared.

You see, we’re realistic, we know that despite whatever we think is healthy, millions of kids will watch TV. Whether they should or not. So the best thing we can hope for is that the shows on there will actually be promoting good morals. Good experiences.

Instead we see a lot of humor that involves behaving like an animal or an emotionally unstable human being. A lot of kids are imitating that. I have. (I know better now, I hope.)

TV may never make you smarter, but it could still be a good influence on you if we wanted it bad enough. But why should entertainment have a point? Or why should it have a good point?

The point of a lot of shows is to make fun of us. The viewers. And to mock us. And to desecrate the most important things in life. And we let them. Because it’s a joke.

I’m being a  bit hard on us because this bugs me a lot. I’ve seen and dealt with TV addiction firsthand, and I know what it did to me. It won’t physically show, but you mind is more important than your body. (Hear me Millenials? Don’t believe the magazine covers.)

I’m running long so I’m going to conclude. But I’m challenging whoever reads this to consider what our standards should be. I know that big flashing screen is hypnotizing, I dal with it every day. But I also know you can walk out of the room. You can quit. And you can make decisions now about what your kids will be allowed to take into their minds. and whether or not you even need a TV in your house.

I just want you to think about it. Over ant out–Natasha.

I’ve been waiting for a day like this to come, struck like lightning, my heart’s beating like a drum, on the edge of something wonderful.

Face to face with changes, what’s it all about? Life is crazy, but I know I can work it out, ’cause I’ve got you to live it with me.

I feel all right like I could take on the world! Light up the stars I got some pages to turn. Singing whoa-o-o. I got a ticket to the top of the sky, I’m coming up I’m on the ride of my life! Whoa-o-o.

Take on the world. Take on the world. Take on the world!

 

The Importance of Fun

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I though I’d break from my more serious theme to talk about something equally important: Fun

I have a movie to illustrate this too, but I’ll talk about that later. First I want to say that despite the fact that I’m constantly thinking, (Or even because of that,) I make time for doing fun things on purpose.

I don’t think it matters what you’re doing, as long as it’s appropriate, just so you’re relaxing or getting pumped from the clean, honest excitement of doing fun things. For me, playing with my younger siblings is a lot of fun. And it  keeps out imaginations limber. When I want to have fun alone, I usually write. ; )  Nothing like getting lost in a story to take your mind off being sad or gloomy.

The only problem is that sometimes we use fun as a way to hide from our problems for too long, that’s another post right there.

I want to talk about the benefits of it. I’m sure you can list them right along with me. The most obvious might be that we get to bond with the people around us when we have fun; or that we get to relax and unplug from the stuff that stresses us out. But there’s a less acknowledged benefit too.

Now for the movie: Some of you may have seen Rise of the Guardians, in that movie (spoiler warning) towards the end, Jack Frost , the main protagonist, figures out that his center (his purpose) is fun. He is supposed to bring fun to the children, and this is what defeats the antagonist, Pitch Black. The point is to realize what being a kid is about, but adults need it too. Pitch Black wants everyone to be afraid of him, or of their nightmares, whatever. And that’s one reason fun is so important. It drives away fear. Ask any shy person if it’s easier to open up when they’ve had a lot of fun.

And last but not least, fun really helps us see things more clearly. We need to have a sense of humor in life, I mean, we’re bloggers, or blog-readers, we can’t take ourselves too seriously. No matter what our station in life is, or our circle of influence, we’ve got to be able to laugh at the absurd things we do, or have happen to us. Christian (and non Christian) comedians often say “God has a sense of humor.” And one has to acknowledge, that it does seem like the universe is just designed to be humorous, whether it’s in irony, or flat out comicalness. Watch an animal for a while, animals are hilarious. People may be even more so.

It’s really not hard to have fun, unless you make a big deal out of everything, in which case–chill. For goodness sake!

Literally, it’s much easier to be good when you’ve had a good laugh over something.

Happy Hunting–Natasha. 🙂

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Reach for the skies

Me, Yourself, and Respect.

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Respect. There’s a word that’s gotten pretty iffy in recent years.

We all want respect, but I don’t think any of us are born wanting to give it to someone else.

Respect must be earned, that’s why it’s so difficult to give, and to earn. Often people have higher standards for us to earn their respect than we think they should have.

It’s on my mind because I happen to be one of those individuals who gets talked to about respect quite a bit. I also am one of those individuals who is socially unaware a lot. I’ve offended people without knowing it. Sometimes things I don’t find offensive personally end up offending other people. It always ends up coming back to respect and being polite. I’ve never cared that much about being polite aside from being decent to people , and considerate. But when it comes to saying just the right thing and doing just the right things, I’ll admit I’m pretty clueless.

I think it’s because I usually am assessing myself, and I miss the signals other people send sometimes. As I’ve gained confidence I’ve gotten better at reading people, you wouldn’t think those two things would go hand in hand, go figure.

Not to make excuses for myself or anything. I’ll bet some of you have been there. Often it’s easier to pick up on stuff in writing than when it’s happening.

Unfortunately, I’ve found very few people will be understanding of my problem with respect and manners. so if you find people who will, stick with them, and let them help you. That’s my best advice for overcoming this barrier. It is a real barrier too.

Respecting someone means treating them the right way according to their position in life, and in relation to you. You respect an employer one way, an employee another, and your peers still another. It’s best when we’re all humble enough to learn from each other, regardless of our status, but sometimes that doesn’t happen, and respect is what we give each other as human beings. It’s what keeps us functioning as a society.

Btu on a final note, I’ve also dealt with people who were determined to find fault with my behavior  no matter what it was, because they have their own personal standard that doesn’t make sense to other people; in that case, I would caution anyone against changing too much. Do the best you can to work with that person, but understand that even if you met their standards, it wouldn’t be worth it. It’s too much based on the superficial.

If anyone has any advice to add to this, go ahead, I need it too. Until next post–Natasha.

Popular–Stupidity

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My obviously blunt title was chosen because this subject is pretty blunt.

I’m thinking about what is popular in the culture. Culture is a tricky word because it is different for every family, every community, every state, and every country. Culture means the food you eat, the language you speak, the clothes you wear, the ideas you have, the music you listen to, the art you admire, and so on.

What is popular varies with the culture and so making generalizations leads to stereotypes.  A homeschooler is in a different culture than a public schooler. Any religion has a different culture from another.

But in some people’s’ minds, there is a hierarchy of culture. That is why they might say of one person “They are uncultured.” See, culture  is also the word for the microbes in cheese and yogurt that make it healthy for you. Read the package of any of them, if it doesn’t say it had “active cultures” then you’re basically just eating pudding. No real nutritional value. (The more sour the better usually, but I can’t stand the really sour stuff myself. If it has chunks of fruit in it it’s also not so good, Google it.) To be uncultured usually is referring to anyone who has a small range of tastes, and especially if that person like only modern stuff, and is from the wrong neighborhood. you get the idea. We’ve all encountered it. Whether you’re on the giving or reciving end of Good Culture Pride, you know it exists.

I took the time to set this up so I’d have context for my point. Why is the word Stupidity attatched to Popular in my title? It is not, as one might expect, because I think popularity is stupid. That is a conversation for another post. No, my problem this time around is that Stupidity itslef seems tobe popular now. Again, this is a cultural thing. But whetheror not you think Stupidity should be popular, you canat least acknowledge that in areas like the movies and media and (worst of all) TV shows, Stupidity is certainly in. It’s the new way to connect with the audience. If they are all laguhing at how dumb someone else is, pretty soon everyone starts thinking “Hey this is pretty funny, I should watch it again.” Then they tell their friends “This is a great__” Movie, show, whatever. Or maybe if it’s a news byte you’ll get this “Hey, did you hear about that guy/lady who did so and so?” If this goes on ling enough we get a thing called culture. That word again.

Why, oh why, do we celebrate the stupidty of others? And better yet, why is it contagious? When the mood is high, and peer pressure kicks in, we actaully start imitating what others do just to show we are part of the group. I have an example, once these guys at a youth group got in trouble for climbing on the roof. It was a weak roof anyway, and the guy with the house next door called the church to complain that it wasn’t safe. You’d like to think that put a stop to it, but it happened again. It wasn’t a regular thing, but still. However that’s an example of teenage antics that will probably be grown out of. what about the more serious examples?

Let’s go back to some of the things I mentioned a the beginning. Language, food, music, etc.

Language: Is it just me or is English getting more abbreviated and slurred all the time? We speak in text acronyms, or shorten long words down to one or two syllables. Did you know that movies actually intentionally use two syllable words to keep it simple (i. e. dumb)? And what about rap? Some rap is good, and intelligent I’d even say, but it’s more well known for making slip shod words; using slang; or even cussing. Plenty of people are making fun of our English deterorating, but very few are doing anything about it. I use poor language too, and I’mnot proud of it, but I slip into it brcuase it’s wha tI hear most.unfortuantely I’m sur this is the case with lots of people who could speak better if challenged.

Food: At first, food doens’t seem like it would be popular, or smart or stupid. But think about it, what are we pushed to eat? What do those darn TV shows depict people preferring to eat? Junk. Always junk. And if there’s a health food person, it’s always portrayed as extreme and freaky. Maybe there are some exceptions, and it’s not the most common problem on TV shows, but more on the commercials between. A nice juicy hamburger, a lot of chocolate, or soda; that’s what we should all like eating right? And we all know it’s bad for us, but we’re such idiots we’ll eat it anyway. That’s what TV and posters tell us.

Music and Art: Why are bug-eyed freaks the new cute? Seriously, am I the only one who has screamed at the sight of some of the toys out there? Or gagged at the songs that get popular for two weeks or so. Remember “What does the fox say?” Or “I’mma gummi bear.”? They were so annoying but that was why they got stuck in your head. Enough said. Yet I heard them played at events that were supposed to be fun. And I’ve heard the freay plastic things called adorable. I still don’t know why.

Ideas: Last but not least. Daredevil stunts. Trends to be part of. Challenges to do. Taking foodies. Snap-chat. Who came up with these ideas? Not to say there aren’t reasons to do a challenge, or a stunt, and maybe if you have a medical condition, taking a picture of your food to send to your mom makes sense (If you’re a kid.) But it’s rare that there’s any valid reason at all to do this stuff. It’s just supposed to be funny.

There you are, it’s funny. And funny is popular. This is way too long already, so I’m going to end with this thought: Is this really what we want? Do we want to settle for the popular things, just because that’s what they are? Or are there more important things to consider?

Until next post–Natasha.