Life

Why do we Procrastinate?

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Procrastinate:

verb (used without object), pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing.

to defer action; delay:to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

verb (used with object),pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing.

to put off till another day or time; defer; delay. (Dictionary.com.)
I admit, I tend to procrastinate.
College cured me of this a little bit, I had to meet deadlines, so I learned to plan a little better. I don’t procrastinate as much as I did, but I still do, especially if it’s not urgent.
Normally I can get away with this, unless it ends up being harder than I anticipated, and honestly, it almost always does, doesn’t it?
You don’t put it off, and it ends up being simple, you put it off and it has three extra steps you didn’t realize before.
Explanation? Cruel irony.
So, true story, this last Monday I was doing some French Homework I didn’t want to do, I had opted out of it on Saturday to do something else I wanted to do more, and of course, when you dread it it feels worse. But the I realize I had to do more than I thought.
It was due the next day, so I couldn’t just say, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” and I couldn’t finish it before class because I have to leave super early in order to park at my crowded campus. (Joys of not living at one’s college, but I would never change it, I’ve heard stories, man.) With this in mind, I obviously shouldn’t have put it aside again, but I really wanted to. At one point, I almost decided to just shove it away for a few hours, but knowing how I am, I knew I’d likely forget until 9 or 10 pm when I should be winding down, not gearing up.
And all the late-nighters looked sheepishly at their phones…
Now, the non-procrastinators are wondering, did she do it?
And this is the part where most people admit wryly that they did.
But not this chick, nope, I finished it; and then I checked what I’d already done though I hadn’t been going to do that. (My teacher requires it, but I hadn’t found the answer key till then so I wasn’t going to worry about it.)
This story may seem entirely pointless, unless you’re really that interested in my study habits, but I can draw something profound out of this, I promise.
Something I noticed that I never noticed before while I was studying, is that I was actually worried I’d do a bad job. I thought I wasn’t understanding it well, I wasn’t sure I was following the directions right, some things my teacher had not even covered in class and I had to skip; and I’m becoming stressed, and you know what I’m hearing in my head? “You aren’t good at this, you don’t get it, maybe you’re not as good at this class as you thought; maybe now that it’s past the basic stuff you already knew, you’re bad at it, you were just riding your previous success. You can’t really be that good at it…”
Let me clarify, I’m student who’s made like two B’s and the rest all A’s since she started college a year ago. I led two of my classes. I’ve found nothing to be too hard for me.
So, I have no reason to doubt my abilities in French, language is my favorite subject for crying out loud, but I was beginning to doubt, not because it was all that hard, but because feeling confused and uncertain hits my confidence hard.
I hate feeling confused. I guess it makes sense, my gifts are understanding-oriented, I excel when I get a concept really cemented in, and when Id on’t I usually do poorly or at least not as well as I could.
But I still almost started freaking out.
That was when it hit me, every time I procrastinate it’s because I am feeling kind of lost in the subject. I wonder if I m doing it well, so I out it off in order to not face my own failure.
And I realized, this is not just me. I listen to my classmates discuss procrastinating, and they all feel like they aren’t really good students and aren’t really smart. They feel confused, and the ones who are less determined to get a good grade don’t do anything about it.
People who don’t feel they are good at what they are doing settle for what they “could get done.” You’ve heard the type yourself, I’m sure. They act like it was their best, but it wasn’t. They don’t do extra-credit except out of desperation.
Yeah, and in Speech class, I did that. I still got a good grade because I did all the extra credit I could, but I was so done with it when I got out. I’m not bad at speech, but those classes are ridiculous, format is not that important. I guarantee you the famous speeches of the world did not fit that format perfectly…gosh…
Anyway, that being said, this attitude can be applied toe very class, not just one or two you particularly hated, and then you just become a procrastinator and mediocre.
Fear drives us. We are afraid to fail, so we are afraid to try. If we don’t, we can’t fail. Or we can  fail and shrug it off “I probably should’ve done more, but I didn’t.” Translation: If I had, I’d be better at it, I’m not dumb, just lazy.”
Yeah, you know, lazy is not better than dumb. It’s worse. Dumb people might work harder to improve and surpass those it came too easily too.
People ride their competence, they can get by with procrastinating because they are smart, so they do. And yes, guilty.
But I’m starting to see why I’m doing myself a disservice. Maybe my teaches won’t care (though they should) but I will. I’m giving two-three years of my life to college, why the heck would I not make the most of that. I could’ve spent that time trying to work, doing stuff for fun, or whatever; instead I’m learning skills I plan to use later, why would I want to not learn them well?
And they wonder why people in the workplace just don’t seem to care. It’s because they never did. They are afraid to really try there too, and afraid to care about it.
To cap this off, when I did check my work like I’m supposed to, I found out I did very well. Only one consistent mistake, and one I can fix easily.
It’s like the perfect metaphor, I did the work, and I did it well. Had I not finished, I would not have found the answers key, and that would have left the work incomplete, thereby hurting my grade.
See how that works? Finishing let me finish.
God’s been calling me out on how I just accept that I can’t do better, and then I don’t try. I think I’m allowed to be mediocre. But that’s not what He calls us to.
I’ve never had to be the smartest person in order to feel confident, but that does not mean I should not be trying my hardest.
Anyway, I hope you found this enlightening or at least interesting, until next time–Natasha.
Check out this awesome song about giving it your all:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCjF86ZDnWg

Under a Bushel

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If you’ve grown up in church, you’ve probably heard the parable of the Talents, if you haven’t or are a little rusty, I’ll sum it up:

Jesus told this parable to illustrate how God views the gifts and resources He gives us. A man goes on a journey and leaves three servants in charge of his possessions. He gives one 5 talents, one 2 talents, and one 1 talent. (A talent was a sizable sum of money at the time. I think it would be like a hundred, maybe a thousand, dollars or so for us, give or take. And depending on whether it was gold or silver.) When the man comes back, the first two servants doubled their amount to 10 and 4 talents, but the last buried his in the ground. The man rewards the first two with cities to look after, and is furious with the last for wasting his talent and not even putting it in the bank to gather interest, he is thrown into the outer darkness.

The meaning of this parable is that we should use the gifts God gave us, whether they are many or few. Jesus sums it up by saying “To him who has more will be given, but to him who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

There’s an idea now, not new, but with a new name, that there are people in society called “the have-nots.” I don’t want to disparage anyone who is suffering for lack of necessities…though if you are reading this, you can’t be that badly off, because electronics are expensive…Anyway, I just don’t like this term.

Even the poorest among us have gifts. It all depends on your attitude. In the classic book A Little Princess, the author observes that if you are a giver by nature, then even if your hands are empty, your heart is always full and you can give things out of that. Kindness, compassion, a smile, all of us can do that.

The most selfish people in the world have moments of kindness, usually.

I think we all feel like we’re less gifted than other people, at least, I think a lot of people feel that way, but all of us have felt that in some situations at least once.

I have a lot of gifts, but I get stuck on what I’m not good at.

For example, I am very good at mental stuff, language, and crafts. But I’ve never been a sporty person. I’m not in terrible shape, but I’m not in great shape either. I don’t have a lot of practical survival skills. I still don’t know how to cook and clean that many things, change a tire, or pay taxes (can’t wait for that one obviously. Ugh.)

I can always learn more, I plan to, but it doesn’t come as naturally to me. For whatever reason, I dwell on this. People who are good at those things often lament their lack of intellectual exercise. We all wish we could be good at everything, don’t we? Or at more things at least.

But this focus on what I can’t do has made me forget about what I can.

People don’t guess this about me though.

I have the unique experience of being told constantly that m gifts are inspiring, and beautiful, and people say they just enjoy watching me use them.

My sign language for example. I never thought it would interest that many people. I initially started doing it in public to practice, I’d sign along with worship. And it was not big deal, other than I felt like people thought it was weird.

But when I started going to my church, people kept telling me it was cool, or beautiful, and they loved watching it. I thought “But…worship’s not about me. And I’m just doing it out of habit and because moving helps me concentrate on what I’m singing.” Still, why stop?

Turns out some folks also wanted to learn it. And recently someone filmed me doing it for a class project, kind of a show-and-tell type thing, but in college they call it something more adult. I have used it in teaching my Sunday school class too, kids like hand motions to stuff.

Teaching is another gift I have. And just talking in general. (Who can relate? Be honest.) I’m aware of all this, because I got into the whole personality assessment thing some years back. And I’m glad I did because I’m more aware of my strengths now. And weaknesses. But it still surprises me when people actually appreciate it.

I’ve shared before how as a teen and a kid I got shut down for talking too much. Teachers have always loved me for paying attention, but had to rein me in so other kids would have to engage. Luckily, in college this is less of a problem. But every class I’m in I manage to establish myself as a scholar without really trying. I have to open my mouth, that’s all.

I think it’s funny, at this point. But I do feel weird too. Maybe you can relate.

I’ve realized though, that if I don’t use these gifts, it’s ungrateful. God doesn’t just give us these things and the not care if we do something with it or not. And I can use my gifts in the smallest ways and it catches people’s attention, because God shows through us. He is the source of our inspiration after all.

I’ve always caught people’s attention by being myself, and I’ve been embarrassed by that, but I realize I’m lucky it happens so easily. I know a lot of you feel invisible.

And people like me, we feel invisible in different ways. Like all anyone sees is our talents, and not our needs and our deeper feelings. Sometimes not standing out can make relationships easier to maintain.

We all have our own struggles. But I want to encourage you to just start doing what you love, and doing it more openly. When you enjoy something, people like seeing it even if they aren’t personally interested in it. It’s why geeky YouTube Channels are so popular. Passion is refreshing to see.

If you display your gifts, people will be touched, if even for a moment. And as Christians we’re admonished not to hide our light under a bushel. It hurts us, not just other people. We’re made to give something back to the world.

Until next time–Natasha.

Why do we need each other?

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I stated in my last post that I don’t think people are better off alone, but I got to wondering, what is it about each other that we need?

You ever wonder that? People say “I need you” but how often do they elaborate on why?

Depends on the person. I think for most it goes along the lines of “I need love. You can love. So I need you.”

In all honesty, though, we suck at love. This is probably why relationships are so complicated. Make it out to be just that peopel are different and complicated, but with a little real love, none of that would matter. We’re just bad at love.

Yet the little bit of it we manage to provide each other is just so good, we don’t want to live without it.

Hence, we need each other.

There’s no shame in that, we are designed to need love. C. S. Lewis broke down human love in his genuis little book “The Four Loves” and pointed out that all human love is need love, because even the love we give, we need other people to want. We need to be needed.

He also goes on to wonder why God would create us, and create, in a way, a need in Himself to love us. But the nature of love is to want to multiply.

What exactly does love give us that we need?

Well, it gives us security. Relying on other people for that is risky business though. What if they stop liking us. Do you like your family 100% of the time? Do people always like you? Do you always act likable?

NO. To all three questions.

Love gives us room to grow. A second chance when we slip up.

Love gives us happiness that is all its own, not one that wec an describe. Some poeple minimize love to security and sex, but it’s more than that, we’re just not sure what to call it. It’s led many to concld elvoe is its own brand of happiness.

When we don’t feel love, or loved, we feel miserable.

I sumbnit to you though that it is worse to feel unloving then unloved. It’s somehow unnerving to feel nothing. To feel selfish all the time.

And so I conclude that we need each other, not becuase we need love, so much as we need to love.

God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. We read that and assume man was lonelhy because he needed love. BIt man had God, God who provided all the love in the world, lavished it on us, what more coudl yhou need?

But God doesn’t need us. as much as He enjoys our worship, we never feel it’s something HE must have.

And Man, mad ein God’s image, had the capacity to love someone who needed them. NOt just ot worship-love. Because God adores, but He also blesses, and man needed to bless.

Of course he had the world, but animals and plants don’t quite feel the same do they? They don’t have a higher understanding of love, so it’s not as satisfying, though still valuable to love them.

The desire to love something at our level is one God must have, being three equal persons in one, and so we have it too. Even beasts have that.

So God made woman for man. But man is designed for woman also. Because we need to love, not just be loved. And we minister something to each other that no other creature does.

It seems weird to pose the question of why we need each other, and answer it with we need to be able to love. But how often does the world get things backwards? It kind of makes sense doesn’t it?

Maybe you’ve heard the song “Hey Brother” I think in it’s own way it sums this up. The song is about being there for your family. But I like the tone it has of just enjoying helping them out.

 

 

ER (My First Time.)

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Story Time: One week ago I made my first trip to the emergency room.

I was fine, but my sister had started throwing up after getting a headache, and spasaming. She’d hit her head a couple days before, so I realized she had a concussion, and made the executive decision as the only adult (and only person) home to run her to the ER.

The scary thing was I couldn’t get a hold of either of my parents to ask them what they thought or inform them where we were, finally after we arrived and I checked her in my dad finally responded. And freaked out. But he called my mom and both of them arrived.

I wasn’t a minute too soon, as the doctor decided my sister needed a CT scan and medication pronto. I okayed this, and my dad arrived and took it from there.

It was the first time in my life I ever had to handle an emergency, a real emergency, and drive with someone throwing up in the seat next to me, to find  a hospital I’d never been to before, without a GPS handy. I ended up finding a different hospital but at that point, I wasn’t being choosy.

Everyone said later that I handled it amazingly, better than many people would have. I didn’t disagree, my sense kicked into high gear, and I was praying.

I felt God’s hand strongly through the whole thing, when I needed to decide if we should go, I felt He said “Yes.” and I felt his calm when she started throwing up int he car, normally I get paralyzed when people start puking, and I felt the urge to, but I said “Jesus” a few times, and it went away, I felt peace. And I was convinced he directed my eyes to the hospital sign, because I somehow missed the one I was looking for. In the end it was probably for the best because the lesser known one was only half full and we got seen in about half an hour.

Luckily also, my sister never lost consciousness, probably because we hurried. Even if she was pretty miserable. Also she never got confused, and I needed her to stay lucid and help me by not going to sleep or anything like that.

I felt a weird exhilaration amidst the stress because I knew I was doing all I could to the best of my ability, and God would just have to do the rest.

Somehow I kept my head the whole time, I knew what to do, and I knew I just needed to do my part and my parents would take over once they got there.  So I did all I needed to.

Honestly, I think the doctor realized I had the situation clear in my head because she was willing to let me make the calls even though I wasn’t my sister’s guardian. Plus, speed was important.

The whole thing taught me… not a lesson per sec, but it taught me that in an emergency, I can be reliable and competent, and that God will be there for me when I need Him. It’s good to be jarred into needing all our wits and abilities every now and then. Everyone agreed God was merciful, because if I hadn’t had our family car, by a last minute change of plans, we would’ve been stuck at home or had to take an Uber or something. And my sister was pretty bad even though we acted quickly.

I’m happy to report she’s almost completely better now, and no serious damage was found, but she did get much needed meds for her nasua and pain.

I’ve never been a super emotional person as far as feeling love and crying and stuff goes. I feel those things in small amounts usually, I rarely sustain any emotion beyond contentment for longer than few hours. (Since I stopped being anxious all the time.) And Truthfully, I’ve always seen that as a bad thing. Like I’m less caring because of that, and I should be more tender.

But this time around, my calmer temperament was what my sister needed. I stayed calm, so she stayed calm, so I in turn stayed more calm. I couldn’t panic or cry, so I didn’t. Maybe at other times  I wish I was softer, but though I was reassuring, I had to be strong for this circumstance.

In an emergency, that’s the person you want around. At least, it is for me. People who get really emotional under stress stress me out further. I think I stay calm as a way to counter balance that. Otherwise we’d both be overwhelmed, and nothing could be resolved.

I don’t get choked up and melt like some people do. I have a hard time not blaming myself for that, but…maybe it’s just part of who I am, and maybe I’m meant to be that way. Maybe God made me that way on purpose because I need that to do what I’m called to do.

I do know that every emergency is different, and it’s possible to react differently each time. So I could still need that support, instead of being it, but now I know I at least have the capability, with God.

And this is from the girl who used to panic over nothing and be a hypochondriac. That’s a miracle, ladies and gentlemen.

It all seems kind of surreal now, I’m just glad we all got through it okay and no harm seems to have been done.

Until next time–Natasha.

More than a stereotype.

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I know Thanksgiving was last week, but I’d like to start this post off with a few things I’m thankful for.

I celebrated my 20th birthday recently. And my sixth spiritual birthday. I can’t believe it’s only been 6 years since I became a  Christian, I can’t imagine not knowing God. I also can’t believe I’m no longer a teenager, after seven years of it, I almost forgot what that’s like, I hop my twenties are the plus side of not being a teen.

I’m thankful for my family, they are doing better for the most part, and we recently found out we have a family member we’ve never met. My dad has a half brother, I could swear it’s like a movie.

I’m thankful for my friends…because I actually have some finally! And I’ve been getting to know them better over the past few months.

I’m glad for making good grades despite feeling overbooked this semester.

I’m thankful for RWBY providing me with a lot of interesting content to think about and enjoy.

And of course I’m thankful for all of you. I had not idea I’d ever make it to 80+ followers.

Now, on the subject of thankfulness, I’d be the millionth person to write about that at this time of year, but it’s truly something we need to remember every single day. And honestly, I don’t. I’m not a negative person but I don’t stop and thank God for things every day, and I really should, because school is teaching me I have it really good.

We had to read “Death of a Salesman,” over the holiday. Real cheery play, perfect for the occasion–can you hear the sarcasm?

At this point I’ve become philosophical about the darker content. At least the dramas are easier to stomach than the poetry was, poetry really shouldn’t be dark.

I digress. I had a revelation reading about the terrible people in this play, terrible in that their mediocre, petty, and false. I just stopped on one page, and understanding rose up inside me. I thought “I am happier in my simple life than people like this will ever be, because they strive for money, recognition, and gratification. They want to prove they are something, and prove they’re a real man (or woman) and prove that they’re the big shot…and it’s all vanity. And I don’t need to prove anything, and I don’t need money or fame to be happy. I’m more content now then someone like that has ever been.” Of course I didn’t think it in those exact words, but you get it.

It just fully hit me for the moment that what bothers me about these plays we read and stories too is the incessant hunger I find in them for what doesn’t matter. People have some agenda to push, some need to be affirmed by people whom they resent. I find resentment, envy, hatred, and selfishness in all of them. I realize it reflects what the author thinks people strive for and even what they need. They think people are that petty and can’t connect. Endless hunger and discontent drives these stories.

And I can’t believe how foreign that feeling is to me, like, what world are they living in.

You know, I’m not unaware of those feelings, of course I do have that restlessness sometimes, I think all young people do, and older folks too. But by the grace of God, it has never turned me into the monster you find in these stories and dramas. Everyone is either cheating on their wife or destroying their relationship with their family…or raping someone, or murdering someone. You know, like most people do when they are down on their luck…yes, I’m being sarcastic.

If I’m honest, I’ve blundered a lot in my relationships, and I’ve even destroyed them. Butt at my worst, I’ve never done what the people in these stories do. I attribute that to God, because I know that in my selfish human nature I have the capacity to do things like that, but in my redeemed new nature, I would never do it.

These stories would make you afraid to love anyone if you didn’t believe in a God who can change people’s hearts. We read these stories and know that we are like that. We’re petty and selfish and envious and discontent.

We are like that in our flesh. But fortunately I don’t believe that is all we are. I feel so sorry for my classmates who have no defense. no reason to say “That’s not the end of the story.”

The more I see of what people are thinking and saying, especially ones my age, the more I pity them. I pity them because they are so, so lost.

Young people are desperate for faith. They are looking for someone to be willing to have it. They don’t have it themselves because they’ve had different opinions battering them since grade-school. Many don’t actually want to abandon the idea of God, they just aren’t sure how they can hold onto it. They doubt they are smart enough to figure it out.

Young people are aware of how they are stigmatized, and they believe it. That is the saddest thing. They believe they are stupid, shallow millennials, who are fit only to embrace the stereotype culture has of us.

Most of them care about more than just their phones and their shows, but they talk about that because they feel incapable of talking about anything else. If you aren’t mingling with them, you don’t realize…the ache is palpable.

Man, they want to connect, they just don’t have a clue how to. No one taught us to.

You don’t realize it, but no one did. I was never taught how. I had to learn. TV didn’t help. TV would have taught me to be selfish and snarky if I went by how kids are portrayed on the shows.

We’re called flaky and air-headed, and maybe we are. (Not me obviously.) But…we are expected to be. We don’t know any different. In fact, it’s part of our culture to expect flakiness.

That’s another subject, but what I’m trying to say is this stereotype is killing us faster than social media is, not because we may be addicted, but it’s because we’re written off that we are not helped.

Guess what, it’s not us who don’t care. It’s not us who are apathetic, it’s the 40+ year olds who’ve decided we’re losers who are beyond hope. I assume, if you’re reading this, that’s not you. But I bet you know some.

I am not condemning the previous generation. Millennials frustrate me too, but they are not what I was told either.

I do not think we can change the culture as a whole quickly or easily, but what falls to us is to reach out to people we do know. And to try to rediscover what connecting with them means. Our hunger for it isn’t going away, and Netflix can’t fool us into accepting a substitute forever. But I don’t want us to let that depress us, I think we should be excited that we get to rediscover friendship. If we don’t let fear stop us.

And I’m not being naively optimistic. There’s plenty we’ve lost. But I refuse to believe that that’s the end of the story.

Until next time–Natasha.

 

 

 

Ships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly–2

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I talked about the bad and the ugly ships (see previous post), but what about good?

Glad you asked (and if you didn’t, stick around, I might surprise you.)

Okay, I’ve talked about fictional relationships before, if you’ve read my Justice League posts, about Batman and Wonder Woman, and Mr. Miracle and Barda.

I talked in those posts about how Scott and Barda have an extremely functional relationship, while Batman and Wonder Woman, on the JLU show, has a potentially good one, but kept getting in their own way, and how I thought we could learn from both.

I’m risking losing some of you here, but I will say that I think shipping characters can be a healthy use of time. It can be innocent at the very least, and women usually can’t help it, honestly. But even for men it might be  good tool for gauging where your own expectations for a relationship are.

I’m often confronted with what my own standards are when I find some fans shipping characters I either really like, or really hate the idea of being together. 

Abusive relationships and homosexual ones are at the top of my list of “NEVER EVER EVER” along with incest, obviously (eww.)

But what about the ones I like? Asking myself why I like it has proven very useful to me in deciding what makes a good relationship.

The nice thing about fiction ships is that you get so much variety. There could be many reasons it works, and they can be specific to the characters as much as real life is. You learn to broaden your view of a good relationship. With that in mind, I’d like to talk about some of my favorite kinds of ships. 

  1. I do love the pure, unadulterated, they just fall for each other upfront ship. It’s pretty rare now, and even mroe rarely is it intersting, but when it is, it’s really beautiful. In my mind it’s the most realistice kind of relationship. Most people marry someone they intitially liked and grew to love. A lack of tension can make a relationship boring, but when it’s well written and you see how well they suit each other, you wont’ find it so. Pure love is simple, but it’s never boring.
  2. I like the healing kinds of ships. Ones that are based around one character helping another through a very hard place in their life, and they develop those feelings along the way. The ship is cool because it feels earned, and you can definitively understand why the characters trust each other. This kind of relationship also happens in real life quite a bit.
  3. Perhaps the funniest ship I like is the one that starts off with them not liking each other. It’s overused in romantic comedies. But it’s not a bad idea functionally.  It provides more comedy then the other two, and often the most character growth out of the three. It involves very different people having to learn not just to understand, but to love and appreciate each other through their differences. Though how these relationships resolve is often unrealistic, the concept it not, because most married couples find  out that living together is that exact experience. Learning to love. In that way, the animosity-to-love ship is the most real of all.

So, that said, how does seeing this in fiction really help me?

For the first kind of ship, I’d like to use the classic example of “The Princess Bride.” That’s not technically shipped, because there was never any doubt of it, but these kinds usually are established early on in the story anyway. In the movie/book Wesley and Buttercup fall in love, and stay in love. It’s pure, real, and powerful. But it’s opposed. What makes the story great is that at no point do either of them tear each other apart, split up over some stupid fight, or waver in their affections for each other. They know their own mind, and yet they still have to fight for what they want. (Wesley does anyway.)

The power int his is the very constancy. Love never fails.

I think Scott and Barda fit this example well too, but I already wrote about them so I won’t rehash it all here.

Often the healing ship can happen just through characters supporting each other, not always with a traumatic experience having to happened first. I think Jamie and Landon fro “A Walk to Remember” are a good example of this. Older films tend to have it more. People sharing each other’s burdens is a powerful thing.

For the last ship, I could name dozens of examples if I had an hour to think about it. But that won’t be necessary. My current favorite ship of the animosity sort is the Qrow and Winter ship from RWBY. I have a lot of other ones I like, and they are all different, which makes the description hard. I’ll stick to the one for now.

More than for the other two, you have to fundamentally understand both characters for this ship to really be good. I am not about watching people fight and then like each other without any really good reason for the change. (Sorry Quest for Camelot, I like you, but it was clumsy at best.)

I like this ship because both characters have certain traits in common. They care about their family, believe that people have to learn how to fight for themselves, and are loyal, perhaps too loyal at times.

They are also widely different. Qrow is open about his opinions and not one to care much for delicacy. He has a rough and tumble approach to family togetherness, and to telling the truth.

Winter by contrast tends to keep her opinions in reserve unless she feels superior to the person she’s talking to, she’s more willing to submit to authority, and though she’s not very gentle, her approach is more cool and severe than rough. It’s hard to imagine her ever playing a game with anyone.

They hate each other–ostensibly, but they aren’t so different in essentials as they think.

That’s why I like it. If two people share core values, then initial disliking of each other can be a good catalyst for growth. And not such a bad foundation for a relationship. The other kinds may be easier, and heartwarming, but in the end, most of us will have fights with our spouse, and have to be willing to change, or compromise. We’ll have to learn to be more humble in how we approach disagreement.

Again, many fictional couples could fit into this category.

 the cool thing is how diverse it can be. When you realize why people suit each other, it can give you a better understanding of love.

Love is not all hearts and roses, though that’s fine, but in the end love is about growing with someone. Any ship can give you that picture. And the more different they are, the clearer it becomes that love isn’t really about type. It’s not about a formula.

Whether people are alike, or different, they will still grow together, and that’s why it can work either way. Maybe it’s a bit of a reality check to us, not to think we know exactly what kind of person will suit us. In “Anne of the Island” L. M. Montgomery shows the foolishness of thinking you’re fancies are what would be best for you.

A little honesty: If you got exactly what you wanted, the chances are it would be bad for you because they person would let you get away with too much crap.

Unless you think that you don’t dream of them tolerating a lot more of your quirks then most self respecting people would…yeah, I know. Brutal. I’m working on not thinking that way myself, but I know marriage will stills hock me by showing  much of a fantasy that really is.

Jane Austen’s books are more realistic, people have faults,  but are they ones that you can grow with, or ones what will make you worse? That’s the real question.

Toxic relationships often are more about people being ill suited for each other’s faults then intentionally harming each other.

Anyway, that’s about all  I have for now, until next time–Natasha.