Sharing

Here again, here again.

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I’m back! Yay! Thanks to those of you who still read my posts while I was on my hiatus.

I had plenty of ideas while I was gone. It’s funny how you can think of stuff once you don’t need to. All those people who’ve crammed for tests and then blanked out know what I mean.

Speaking of tests, I should be starting college next month.

I won’t be going to a University, so I hope to escape the grind of tests and finals for a dozen different subjects. (2 or 3 is plenty.)

I wasn’t actually planning on going to college. I don’t believe it’s necessary to succeed in life. Though plenty of companies prefer to hire college grads, the trends are changing. However, I decided to finally pursue ASL officially. I’ve wanted to do that for years and now I can.

So now I have to do all these adult things like set up a bank account and get a parking permit.

Do you know what I’ve realized? I have insecurities about being an adult. Shock!

I also realize adults have insecurities about being an adult.

In essence, being an adult just means being a person capable of independence and of giving something back to the world that you live in. Kids can do that, but they don’t have the same opportunities. The thing is, independence scares the heck out of people.

Especially me. I’ve wanted it for a long time. Now I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I’m lucky to have people in my life who believe in my abilities. And also some who don’t. Human nature being what it is, we all sometimes need to be antagonized before we’ll rise to the occasion.

The truth is, I know I am ready to step into being an adult, and that I’m doing it as fast as can be reasonably expected. It’s just that liberty can be daunting. We;ll fight for it, but once we have it, it’s a lot of work.

Here in the USA that knowledge is a part of our history (as forgotten as it may be.) far be it from me to say the USA is the best country in the world. I think so, in most respects, but it’s good to love your own country. I do think Americans tend to put more focus on freedom then most countries. Often because freedom there isn’t an option for enough of the inhabitants.

I’m just saying maybe my experience of growing up is different; but wherever you are, you have to have an increase of responsibility if nothing else.

I think many of us try to hang on to childhood as long as we can. There is some wisdom in that. I don’t want to give up all my childhood ideas and hopes and fancies (we need fancies) but I also think it’s a mistake to put off growing up as long as possible. When it’s time, it’s better to embrace it.

embracing it might look a lot like kicking and screaming for every inch of ground, but still going forward of your own accord. No one said it’s always a graceful transition.

My dad used to become physically unwell when he faced adult responsibilities. My mom seemed to do it more smoothly. I guess I have both.

I was once a worrier. If I’ve had to deal with one thing this past year, it’s trying not to be a worrier again. I’m not one to stew over all that could go wrong, though I used to be. But sometimes I still worry over repeating problems.

And I have to remind myself that my life is in God’s hands, as is my health, my finances, my social circles.

As Christians like to say, if God is for us, who can be against us?

Well, the answer is, a lot of beings can be against you, but the point is that none of them can stop you.

People like to use “unstoppable” as a slogan. But unless you have something to back that up, it’s an empty word. Almost everything can be stopped, it would be arrogant to think you’re above that.

But if God, who is unstoppable, is backing you, that word can be a word of faith.

The difference between faith and empty bragging can be confusing on paper, but they are unmistakable in real life. I know when I’ve just trying to psyche myself up.

And that’s all for now, until next time–Natasha.

Not my father’s.

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First of all, my holiday was pretty good. Family; that family’s friends; gifts.

But just the day after Christmas things were back to the old pattern. I got told that I was so influenced by what my father believes it was unbeleivable.

It’s funny, my dad would probably never say that. I don’t think most people who meet me feel I am easily swayed by people’s opinion.

But what does frustrate me is that I don’t explain my own positions. I never have explained my political positions (that is, what led me to that conclusion.) IT’s nto becaue I don’t have reasons. I have lots of reasons.

I actually have too many, and I usually feel that if I laid out my whole line of thinking, no one would listen. People rarely listen when I even begin to explain my views, if they hold different ones.

I’ve learned to keep my disagreement to myself.

Which is, I figure, just what the opposition wants.

I’m not the only one who does this, I know others who do. People who are feeling that the opposing side is so bull headed that there’s no point in trying to explain why we think differently. We never get that far, we figure, so why bother?

Funny, whichever side of a given issue you’re on, you probably have felt this way.

But, no one gets wiser when we all keep in in.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,”

Of course I’m not one to say that we can all always learn form each other’s points of view.

That’s not the reason we share points of view.

If someone’s view is false, then nothing can be learned from it, by definition. But there is a lot you can learn from the person who holds that view.

You can learn why they hold it, how it came to happen, and what effect it has on them and the people around them.

With very extreme views, often that last thing is obvious.

But I submit to you that truth itself is not something another human can teach you, just by telling you something.

We learn from each other’s character far more than from each other’s words, though those are a big part of it.

But that is the danger of looking to the popular, or widely accepted or hated opinions; also of looking to the media, or a celebrity; or a parent to guide you to truth; they aren’t always in it.

I doubt anyone has the capacity to hold all truth in their minds at one time, but it is certain that some people are on the track to discovering more of it all the time, and others to never ending deception.

That’s why we do ally ourselves with certain groups of people. I prefer Fox News not because I believe its unbiased (I don’t) but because I know the people on Fox news hold belief systems closer to my own, and therefore are more likely to point me in what I believe is the truthful direction. But I don’t completely swallow all they say, I don’t know if they really expect that actually.

The difference I do perceive between Fox and CNN is that one seems to expect people of different views to tune in occasionally, but the other really doesn’t.

But I’m not getting into that debate (and I won’t get into it in the comments, just in case there was someone reading who would try.)

My point is, human institutions are like compasses. Some aren’t accurate, some are, but at their best, all they do is point you to the right thing.

So, if I do share a lot of my father’s views on things, it is because I see him as a pretty accurate compass.

But I don’t agree with my father on plenty of subjects. I choose to keep those to myself because I don’t think it’s anyone’s business. not anyone who’s not close to my family anyway.

But the reason I agree, as far as politics goes, is that my faith is the same as my dad’s essentially. Bible-based. And I would only expect our ideas to line up most of the time because of that.

I won’t pretend that my parents haven’t influenced my beliefs, of course they have, and I’m glad they did. They are good, honest people, and I have no reason to be ashamed to agree with them.

But they do not define my beliefs. The older I get, the more I realize this. That even though my beliefs have not really changed since I was a child, they have become more my own, not less.

Actually, whether you like it or not, after a certain age, your beliefs are your own. No matter if you’ve ever questioned them or not.

To all of us there comes a choice to question, or to accept what we’ve been taught. All of us decide, for a myriad of reasons, which we will do. All of us, no one gets left out of that. Once you decide, it’s your belief.

Some folks might whine that their parents ruined their lives, but after a certain age, you ruin your own life.

Depending on where you live and what your family is like, that could be a different age for all of us, but we hit it sooner or later.

I know our parents shape us, but they don’t define us.

And one last thing:

Like everyone, I have doubts. I never reassure myself by telling myself that “my parents are sure, so it must be true.” I can’t imagine that actually being comforting.

No. I have to go back to what I have experienced, and heard, to remind myself why I believe.

And that’s all I have to say about that, until next time–Natasha.

Christmas and Carols.

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I’m not the only one who’s been doing their Christmas shopping this week. Ideally, I would do it at the beginning of the month, but I tend to forget about it till Christmas is one week away.

Anyway, just thought I’d mention that.

I wonder if people really think about the true meaning of Christmas anymore. I’m supposed to read “The Man who Invented Christmas” for my book group, it’s about how Dickens wrote a Christmas Carol.

I don’t think I really think about the Christmas story. I’ve heard it so many time, it goes over my head.

It takes the Charlie Brown special, or a ghostly little book to remind me that the Christmas story has power.

Also those old carols.

If you have ever learned more than the first two verses of old hymns, you know the standards versions are totally ripping us off. Jesus Loves Me has two more awesome verses. And all the Carols are way cooler if you get further in.

I love O come Emmanuel, O Holy Night, and We Three Kings.

And I love the extra verses.

“O come thou wisdom from on high, and order all things far and nigh; to us the path of knowledge show, and cause us in her ways to go.

O come desire of nations bind, in one the hearts of all mankind; bid thou our sad divisions cease, and be thyself our king of peace.”

Isn’t that great?

One other song that improves upon more verse is Little Town of Bethlehem.

That song used to bore me, but when I learned it had three more verses that were very cool, I started to love it.

For example:

How silently, how silently, this wondrous gift is given, as God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heaven; no ear may hear His coming, but in this World of Sin, where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in.”

What I like about that last line is how it being the song to us, in our modern day. Even though the Christmas story id definitely more celebrated than the Crucifixion, Christians tend to turn to the Cross more for symbolism than for…any other story.

I mean, if you turn on Christian Radio, you’ll hear the cross and death mentioned in jsut aobut every single song.

That’s not wrong of course. But I think the Christmas story had importance as more than just nostalgia.

I wish I kept this in mind more, but it’s like the songs says.

“O holy Child of Bethlehem, descend on us, we pray, cast out our sin, and enter in, be born in us today; we hear the Christmas Angels the great glad tidings tell, o come to us, abide with us, Our Lord Emmanuel.”

If you are not a Christian, or even if you are one and are sick to death of hearing these songs, then maybe it’s sounds like mumbo jumbo.

And for the record, some of it is poetic license. I don’t actually think that we now hear Christmas Angels (unless you’ve had a more face to face experience than I have.)

I doubt there are angels specifically for Christmas, because Christmas, as Dickens pointed out, is not a day, it’s a way of life.

Christmas just means Christ Mass, or Christ Day.

As the song says, “Be born in us today.”

The true meaning of that refers to how Jesus told us that to enter the kingdom of heaven we must be born again.

Jesus Himself was born again, in a way, since he already lived before becoming a baby.

It may sound whacked out, I won’t argue. I don’t think God always intends to sound sane to mere mortals. I don’t think God much cares if we understand how He does things. We don’t understand ourselves.

That it sounds crazy is actually the point. Most people don’t have a problem believing a Man in the brutal times of Roman Occupation in Israel could have been crucified as a heretic. It happened frequently.

But people do have a hard time swallowing that A virgin could supernaturally conceive and give birth to the son of God, made flesh.

Though, when I consider that I’m questioning how the Person who made DNA could make up for the other 23 chromosomes….I feel stupid.

Believing that Jesus was born in a miraculous way is the first step to believing you ca be reborn.

When I was little the idea of Jesus living inside of me wasn’t weird to me at all, now I realize it could sound crazy to some…a lot… of people.

Of course, I don’t actually mean that a man is moving inside of m body. That’s not what it means at all.

But that God puts His own Spirit in us, and it becomes one with our spirit.

Which is actually how it was meant to be in original creation. The reason we say sin is spiritual death is because it severs us from God’s spirit, which is life.

God cannot dwell with unholiness, which is why Christ’s work clear us of our guilt and makes us holy.

Which all started with him being born, not into sin, but blameless.

The miracle of Christmas is that rebirth is even possible. That we all have a chance at being made new.

That’s worth living out every day.

Until Next Time–Natasha (Christ’s Birthday)

Of Driving and Divergent.

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Finally! I got a Driver’s License. Now I can hold my head up around my peers again.

You know, I realize that without my voice, my sense of humor may seem kind of flat. Delivery is everything.

You want to know what’s crazy about this. My permit had expired after three failed tests, so I had to get a new one. Guess what, they don’t charge you for the fourth one because in the system it’s like the first one.

In case the nuance was missed, that means I almost literally got a fresh start on record.

Oh, I suppose if one dug it up at the DMV, they could find out I took the test four times, but I doubt anyone is going to.

In a sense, I passed on the first try.

Talk about irony, or maybe just redemption.

I can’t help but see this incident as a metaphor for something.

Anyway, in other news, I’ve watched two of the three Divergent movies.

Did you know Veronica Roth, the author of those books, is a professing Christian? I can’t say I really like the movies any better knowing that.

I don’t think they warrant a full review, but in passing, I will say the entire third movie was basically a very thinly veiled parallel of Christianity. Without the Christ. Or the actual point of the faith. Or any strong moral lesson.

Nonetheless, it was better than the first one.

You know, I hate to come down on Christian movies and books, but why are they so weird?

Some are good. Christian movies tend to shine when they just tell life stories and let the faith be a part of it when it actually fits. Like in “Soul Surfer.”

But when they try to make post apocalyptic or dark and gritty fiction; it turns out really badly.

I mean, why would a christian need to write about a fake apocalypse, when they already believe in a real one that would be a way better story than any of the fiction ones?

My biggest problem with that sub-genre is that it takes any real power out of the faith, because it bases all of it’s events on things that will never happen.

The whole Five Faction System would never work. It couldn’t last. And in a day and age where individuality is being celebrated, if anything, too much, it seems stupid.

What do we learn from these stories? (And everything from Ender’s Game to PBS kids is featuring themes like this.) They set up a fake world with fake rules that function in fake environments that we only believe because our own technology is close enough t it to make it seem possible.

And I know a lot of people who love the dystopian genre, and read it exclusively, I expect. And they claim to get stuff out of it.

But if all you get from these stories is that you should celebrate your individuality then it’s the same stupid message you’ve hear a hundred times by now.

And have you noticed that it’s not working? Insecurity runs rampant in our society. No matter how many times we tell kids “Be yourself, love your special-ness” it doesn’t stick.

I am not saying this message is not important in it;s place. I went through a period of self discovery a couple years ago, and Is till continue that process now, only slower.

But that’s the point, you can’t stay there. You can’t keep telling people, especially children, that self-realization is the one-size-fits-all solution to their problems. It’s not.

Sometimes a dose of humility will work wonders in your life. Not demanding people appreciate the wonderful person you are.

Newsflash: You’re not as good as you think.

You’re not as bad as you think either. The truth it, we rarely see either our faults or our virtues clearly.

It’s not wise to tell kids that if they’re special, they’re the savior of the world. (I’m looking at you Tris.)

I think Wonder Woman’s got the right idea. Remember, she says she can’t save the world. Only love can save the world.

I am all for knowing your worth. But one has to know more than that to get by in life. Well, to thrive. Who wants to just get by.

And maybe,  just maybe, taking an honest look at the real world around us; instead of imagining one that is even worse and wildly unrealistic, would be more helpful.

I know this is coming from an unashamed fantasy lover. What can I say? I find Fantasy to be a better example of real world things that pulp fiction.

It’s kind of like a trashy romance novel being held up as an example of true love. When any Disney movie you like gets closer to the actual idea. (And I don’t just mean Frozen.)

I won’t say all dystopian novels are useless trash, I won’t say that. But I will say that it’s one in one thousand that’s truly profound and inspiring.

Honestly, and I mean no disrespect, but I think they are lazy writing. The plots are so fabricated that they can’t be researched for or based on any actual experience that would require work to put into words. The emotional stakes are also way out of proportion to most people’s experience. (Have you watched your mother get shot in front of your eyes? Have you bee inside someone’s hallucination? Have you had to fight to the death for entertainment?)

Even if someone was to have had those terrible experiences, would they find this kind=d of book or movie helpful? I doubt it. If anything, it’s going to make them angry.

From my own life, I will say that the books that helped me through tough stuff were the ones that did not exaggerate my problem, or try to make it seem super dramatic. The fact was, my issues are dramatic to me. But because of that, I can tell when someone else has actually felt what I’ve felt.

Like in Frozen. Elsa never calls herself a monster. She never makes some dramatic monologue aobut how every day of her life is misery. She doesn’t have to. In the moments when we get a glimpse into what she’s feeling. A few short sentences speak volumes. I buy it.

Anyway, I hope this post made some sense, since it was very spur of the moment. Until next time–Natasha.

Adulting?

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Did I mention yet that I got laid off? No? Maybe?

Well now I have.

It’s not the first time, so I guess this isn’t a new experience for me entirely. At least I’m not as hopping mad as I was when it happened before. That was a whole other story.

I won’t really reflect too much on it here, since you’ve all probably had that happen to you.

Anyway, you know that new term going around the internet? “Adulting.” ?

At the store I worked at we actually had plaques and notebooks that said “Coffee then adulting.”

I wouldn’t have a clue what that meant (Other than the adult part) if I hadn’t seen a helpful YouTube video titled “No you are not adulting.” (Check it out, it’s on a cool channel.)

So, because I’m trying to enroll in college; waiting for my first tax return; wondering what new job I’m going to find; and hoping to get my driver’s license next week (if you pray, please throw one in for me;) I seem to be adulting.

I mean, I don’t like that term.

But I think I know why it was invented.

There’s a lot of people my age who don’t feel adequately prepared for adulthood, one minute you’re 17 and haven’t a responsibility in the world beyond school, which isn’t your choice anyway; and then boom! You turn 18 and you start wondering what the heck to do after you graduate. Or you might have just graduated, depending on when your birthday is. And suddenly careers or college is staring you right in the face.

If you don’t live in America, Canada, or some parts of Europe, and I know some of you who read this don’t, then I imagine it’s a little different. Maybe 17-18 isn’t the year everything changes for you. Which is fine and all, not every country has to have the same system. But in American especially, you can’t legally do most things till you’re 18. So it is a big deal.

 

However, just because I can do stuff now, doesn’t mean I want to.

I don’t want to pay taxes, but I won’t get much of a choice there. I don’t want to have more expenses than before.

And I think that’s where my generation is finding itself. When we were teens and kids we were told we could become anything. But we didn’t hear the people adding under their breath “but it will cost you a fortune.”

I’m speaking to someone right now.

For example, if I wanted to get certified to be a ASL interpreter, it will take me at least two years, maybe more, doing multiple classes. And classes other than Sign are required to finish.

And that’s an easy one. And cheap–er.

I think the truth is, we millennials missed the part in every story where the person has to hazard all they have, like Bassanio in Shakespeare, in order to win the prize.

The fact is, you never get time back. Money can be refunded, time never is. And older adults tend to think that millennials don’t take that into consideration.

Well, my theory is, they do and they’re scared to death.

Personally, for all of my eighteenth year, I was feeling almost paralyzed from wondering what to do with my time. Looking back, I hope I didn’t waste it.

Well, I know I didn’t, because if I had had the chance to do more, I would have. When opportunity isn’t there, I don’t think it’s a waste to occupy yourself at home while you wait.

But now, it’s crunch time. I have to make some major changes in a couple months of time.

And I am not qualified to give all people, millennials or otherwise, my five tips for dealing with this period.

But I do have a little piece of advice.

One thing I do think I did right in the last year was choosing not to obsess over my lack of direction. I thought about it a lot. But in between times, I chose to keep reading, writing, and studying language. And pursuing activities outside myself. And learning to drive.

I believe that was a smart choice.

Another thing I believe I did right was committing my time into God’s hands. I may not see why I was in limbo for so long, but there was a reason, and there were moments of understanding. Like getting to go on another mission trip. I might not be able to do that again this year. (Here’s hoping.)

And don’t discount the little things. Getting to spend more time with my cousins, we have a bond now because of that, that I might have missed otherwise, and that’s a precious thing that time can’t wear away. Though it may take a back seat during some seasons.

And being there for my family. I hated being stuck at home so much, but the fact is, my family did need me. I may not feel like I do a lot, but even what I did was more than if I hadn’t been here. And I bring things to the family circle that nobody else does.

I don’t just say that to be cliche, it is true. I’ve observed it over time.

So it was a tough year, but I don’t believe any year spent seeking God is a bad one. No matter what bad things happened during it.

Heck, the Friday before my birthday I spent going to the second funeral of the year. IF that’s not symbolic of what I’ve been saying, I don’t know what is.

And all you 50+ folks have my sympathy for how much more frequent funerals must get as you and the people you know age.

But I don’t mean to be depressing.

Anyway, making the most of your time will make you feel better when you don’t have a clue where you are going next. I’ve still spent too many days sitting around doing nothing, even though I despise that attitude.

Adulting is not something you start to do when you’re 18, it’s something you learn to do over life. In fact, adulting is the wrong word for it.

It’s called growth.

That’s all for now, until next time–Natasha.

The secret love of pets.

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So, I’ve considered writing about pets on here before, like every other blogger seems to do. But I never really decided to do it.

The reason I’m finally bringing up this noncontroversial topic is that my grandma has lost both her dogs in this past week.

They were 15 years old, and since they were good sized dogs, that’s a ripe old age.

Plus until the last couple years, they weren’t in too bad shape. But they were falling apart and she finally had to put both of them down within days of each other.

You know, I’ve never seen her so down as the past few days.

My family had to put our dog down a few years back, he was a young dog, especially for his size, and should have lived a good 8 years or more, but he had a liver problem.

The truth of the matter was, we later suspected that he had had a problem when we got him. He always had a weak stomach, and at first we didn’t realize he was worse until he wouldn’t eat for days and only lay around. And turned yellow.

Not a pretty sight. He was so miserable we just couldn’t bear to keep him suffering any longer.

It still hurts to think about that.

I am not one of those people who has to live with an animal before I get really fond of it. I don’t go animal crazy or anything. Now that we have three cats, I like cats, but before I was never what you would call a cat person.

So I understand people who can just take or leave animals pretty well. But what I Think is more interesting is what having a pet can teach you about love.

You may never realize it of course, but some people do, and I wont’ be the first to remark on it.

My dad says, rather drily, that we were more broken up when our dog died than when a family member of ours died.

In a way that might be true, at least I know I cried more. For some reason I don’t tend to cry when people pass away. My personal thought is that it’s too close and too real, and I just don’t process it through tears. Not yet anyway.

But I don’t think that it means I loved a dog more than my family. If I had to choose between the two, I’d pick my family. (Though it would be heartbreaking.)

But I notice I’m not the only one who seems to express grief more freely over a pet passing than over family passing. Maybe you know people like that, or maybe you are that person too.

And I think the reason for it is pretty profound.

The truth is, we feel the death of an animal more, or more purely, because we see it with unclouded vision.

Pets rely on us completely. Especially if you’ve raised kittens like I have, and they can’t even go to the bathroom without help (at least people are born knowing that much.) And the reason we love them so thoroughly is because they can’t give us anything in return for our saving their lives. The don’t feed us, or clothe us, and some of them couldn’t even protect us in a pinch. They cost us a lot of money and they don’t pay it back. We can’t even hope that when they grow up they will help us in turn, as some parents do with their children.

And those of us who have cranky, bratty, or strange pets know that our love for them doesn’t change just because they aren’t always loving us back.

Why, our cats are downright ungrateful about us feeding them high quality food. They like junk food better. (The nerve!)

Now I wouldn’t do what some would and use all this as proof that pets are complete wastes of time. On the contrary, I think we should have pets for this very reason.

It’s important to the human soul to be able to love something unconditionally, and even more important to be able to love something that can’t return you anything tangible.

I believe the reason that people’s passing on leaves a different ache in our hearts is becuase we rely on people too much.

It’s not bad to need each other, but we all know that we often need each other in the wrong ways, in the wrong amounts, and that’s why we fight and fail and have to begin again (and that’s in a healthy relationship.)

When you lose something you rely on, part of the grief is, as C. S. Lewis observed, selfish. It’s not concerned with what was best for the person, but what was better for you. Or at least what you think was better.

But when you don’t rely on a creature and you lose it, you mourn it for being what it was. For its own sake, and so you have a purer, less selfish grief.

I do not mean at all to say grieving for people is bad. Nor that admitting you wanted them is bad. I only meant hat it’s a different kind of love.

The beautiful thing about loving our pets is that we don’t think about it. We just do it. We don’t expect credit for it. It’s not about our ego.

And if it were to be, most of us would agree that it wasn’t really the pets we were thinking of.

So those are my thoughts, until next time–Natasha.